Click to enlarge; a translation appears at the bottom of the post.
Dear Sassy Curmudgeon Una,
Well, you asked us to email you if we wanted to be the curmudgeon of the week, so I did. Deal with it. Please note that I'm only in my early teenage years. Like really early teenage years. And I think I may be a curmudgeon.
I looked up "curmudgeon" on dictionary.com one day and came up with this:
curmudgeon: a bad-tempered, difficult, cantankerous person.
And I thought, hey! I'm bad tempered and cantankerous! I can do this! But then my curmudgeonly side kicked in and I decided not to get my hopes up, but still email you this for kicks. For an example of how very curmudgeonly and teen-angsty I can be, I will make a list of the top ten things that bother me.
1. My little sister. I know I should love her, and I really do, but she's SO VERY DIFFICULT. She has no respect for anyone or anything, and I'm fairly certain she's out to get me. The girl wants blood! She drinks coffee! And she's only a third grader!!!
2. Most of the other children at school. And when I say most, I mean all but about ten. They are all spoiled brats, disrespectful, mean, and have no regard for the feelings of others. They will do just about anything to get their way, and they don't care who they step on. Kids these days...
3. Anyone who lies, or presents themself as someone they're not for something stupid like popularity. I'm not popular, and I'm fine with it. I think it's because I'm just brutally honest about my opinions. And not all of them are widely accepted. But because of that quality of mine, I know that the friends I do have are real.
4. Eh, I'm too lazy to write anything meaningful for number four.
5. People who judge others based solely on their appearance. Oh, don't get me wrong, I love judging others, but only their character, not their looks. But if they have a crappy attitude AND appearance, they'd better look out.
6. Twilight. Those obsessed fan-girls that are EVERYWHERE. The Sparkly vampires. The teams. All of it. GET OVER IT, GIRLIES, IT'S NOT REAL, AND EVEN THOUGH IT'S BEEN SAID BEFORE, I MUST REPEAT IT: EDWARD CULLEN IS A FAIRY. (He lives in a forest, moves quickly and sparkles. Coincidence?)
7. Uggs. I don't care how many celebrities wore them, or how everyone has them, they are despicable, evil, and bent on turning all our minds to mush! Honestly, with fashions like this, it's a wonder we aren't all wearing burlap potato sacks.
8. Anybody who calls me a band geek, a nerd, or accuses me of cutting myself. Okay, yes, I play the cello. But that's the ORCHESTRA not the BAND. So I'm not a band geek. Yes, I went to an early-college math camp for a week this summer, but while there, I met lots of new friends who actually have brains, (AND a cute guy who's smart and nice, AND who texts me cute little texts just to say good morning, so HA! You're jealous now, aren't you, popular girls from school?) And yes, I do wear dark clothing, probably excessive eyeliner, and I don't talk too much. But that doesn't make me self-destructive or emo!! It only means I like how the clothes and makeup look, and that I just don't have anything to say to them! I have plenty to say to my friends, but not them.
9. All my teachers who see me in the hallway and say, "Smile! It's Friday!" or whatever. I will smile when I feel like it, dammit! Excuse my french, I don't personally curse that much but come on! You can't force anyone to smile! How do you know that my dog didn't die that morning, or that I haven't just been diagnosed with some horrible disease? Do you still want me to smile? Really...
10. And finally my last pet peeve: Ponies. I have a summer volunteer job at a children's zoo. One of my duties is to lead ponies around a track while little kids ride on their backs. THOSE. PONIES. ARE. EVIL. They kick me, they step on my feet and won't get off, and finally they just always have to turn and look at me every freaking time they sneeze! They just get their horse snot all over me, and it's gross!! It just irks me, y'know?
And those are all the things that bother me. But, I'm not always bothered. There are things I like, such as my friends, my dog, playing the cello, Tim Burton movies, and drawing. Drawing is my most favorite thing to do EVER.
PRETTY PRETTY PLEEEEAAAASSSEE pick me to be Curmudgeon of the Week! Or don't. You don't want to make a sorta young little girl cry, do you?! Because if you don't pick me, I'll cry!! Or not. All I'm saying is that I'm a young, nerdy-looking, socially awkward and above all, very curmudgeonly teen, so I think I fit the bill.
Your curmudgeony, teen-angsty reader,
P.S. Emma blogs here and here.
About the pic, in Emma's words: In it, I'm saying "AW, yeah! Who achieved something something through hate and teen angst? That's right. It's not you losers. It's me. Scary, goth girl, Emma. In your face, society!" And the arrow pointing to my sad attempt at a cello says "This should be a cello. EPIC FAIL." And that's a guitar in my hand. And finally because I can't even read it, my shirt's supposed to say GOTH. I'm sorry, my scanner is not nice to my drawings, it looks like I've been cut in half. And yes my hair is that color, I dyed it bright red three days ago. It turned out a dull red-brown.
Want to be a Curmudgeon of the Week? Email me!