Friday, August 27, 2010

TGI...WTF? MUM's The Word

So a week or so ago my friend Ellaree (she of the tear-inducing rock tumbler, questionable Christmas tree disposal methods, and death at the hands of the Oregon Trail) posted a link on my Facebook wall to a Cracked.com story about the 7 Most Horrifying Museums on Earth.

"Next time you're in DC," she wrote, "We're going to #4. By appointment only."

So what, pray tell, is #4 on the list of the world's most terrifying museums? It's the Museum of Menstruation & Women's Health!

Not so horrifying, right? I mean, girls today could probably use an educational tool more thorough than Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. Right?

RON.

Because this museum (with its shady acronym, MUM, which doesn't even make sense, unless the official name is the Museum Uf Menstruation) is located in a private basement somewhere in Maryland. The private basement of a single, middle-aged dude.

Highlights include:

A dress made of sanitary napkins!


And... frightening lady codpieces!


Plus, as Ellaree pointed out, visits are by appointment only. In other words, you and this period-worshipping dude and his scary mannequins are the only people in the house. As a friend wrote on my wall in response to Ellaree's link, "It puts the lotion in the basket."

P.S. Do you think I should send in my artifact?
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31 comments :

  1. i'm completely creeped out by this entire idea. and the mannequins wearing sanitary belts are seriously killing me. i would only go there by appointment with like an entire football team, or with an armed escort.

    because, as wonderful and miraculous as menstruation is, the fact that this 'museum' is in SOME DUDE'S HOUSE is horrifying.


    http://justanotherwastedday.blogspot.com/

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  2. Disturbing on so many levels.
    But please go so you can tell us all about it.

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  3. Oh Sassy - that's SO wrong, on SO many levels. Surely you need a special permit for things like that??

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  4. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. Let's all sing it together now, "He's a supah freak supah freak, he's supah frreeaaakay!"

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  5. Beakess10:49 AM

    Oh - so many things on which to comment! First, I just loved "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret." Although (blush) I thought the special spot she kept talking about what her belly button. I'm sure I'm not the only one, right??? Second, I am fascinated by this middle-aged dude. Does he want to be a woman? Is he one of those guys who prefers that time of the month? Either way, I'm not surprised he's single. I've forgotten my third and fourth comments. Alas.

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  6. This reminds me of a trip I made to the New England Synthesizer Museum (also by appointment only), in Nashua NH. We arrived at the "museum" which was actually the curators house. After knocking for several minutes the front door opens a quarter of the way and we are told to "squeeze in". Upon entering we discover that the door can only open that far due to a mountain of garbage piled up behind the door (actual garbage - think Horders: Buried Alive). We spent the rest of the "tour" trying not to pass out from the overwhelming cat pee smell and trying not to stare at the stacks of used but unwashed pudding cups dotting the landscape. The end of the tour was a hard sell guilt-fest in an attempt to get us to donate to the "museum". Um, no I don't think so. If I want to contribute, I will send the money to Merry Maids and give them your address.

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  7. Why would someone pay homage to menstruation in the basement of their home? Talk about letting your FREAK FLAG FLY lol

    Pavla
    www.thedramaticcomedyofmylife.blogspot.com

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  8. Sassy. I love your blog to infinitesimally small pieces that I want to scatter around the nooks of my life not unlike the time my great grandma Gertrude fell from her perch on the mantle when I was five. My mother still refuses to throw away the vacuum bag we had to suck her into. Grandma now lives in the closet with the holiday decorations and whiskey.

    But not you! I would scatter you freely and publicly. In doing so, I frequently read your blog while at work. It adds a certain level of excitement to my day. Especially when I'm constantly dodging the eyes of co-workers who would eagerly label me pervy for browsing photos of female codpieces at work. I've become very adept at Alt+Tabbing and Windows+M'ing and--in those truly incriminatory moments--Alt+F4ing. I Alt+F4 my brains out and I wouldn't have it any other way.

    P.S. The pervy guy I work with really liked your Wine Rack.

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  9. HAHA I've been to #2 on the list... the Phallological museum in Iceland. It was fantastic. And I highly recommend it. Actually.

    Its great for a laugh

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  10. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  11. I'm inclined to tell you NOT to go for two important reasons.

    1.) I fear that you will not be able to come back, but instead will be kept in this freaky dude's basement.

    2.) I fear that this is the kind of museum that contains items that one cannot unsee. It will change you in the same sort of way that Vietnam changed those poor veterans who cannot stand to hear cars backfire without having horrifying flashbacks.

    Don't do it! For the love of God, don't do it! o_O;;;;;

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  12. this is terrifying. it doesn't help that i'm watching dexter, marathon-style. all i heard when i looked at the site was the dexter theme music. scary.

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  13. Do not go alone. Take your husband or at least three other females so no one ends up being prepped for skinning. And then blog about it. Please and thank you. And you should definitely submit your artifact because what menstruation museum is complete without an adolescent female's triumphant documentation of first-time tampon insertion?

    Let's not lie to ourselves ladies...that first time is no mean feat.

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  14. I saw this museum posted on another blog, Stacy Says, a few days ago and I have the same reaction. Super creepy. Silence of the Lambs creepy.

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  15. This was what happens when mothers share too much with their little boys. Because really,

    1. What the eff!?!
    2. He's a dude. So why is he so fascinated with a woman's most mind-bogglingly icky time?
    3. Where did he go to design school, because that dress gets an "G -" in my book.
    4. Why do I need an appointment for him to take a break from WOW and chicken choking?
    5. Can you call it a museum if it's really a direct portal into the 7th circle?

    These are things one must know before trekking forward.

    But when you do go, speak softly and carry a doberman pincher attached to a body guard armed with a gun... and a big stick.

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  16. All I can think is "NFW would I go there, with or without backup."

    Then, comes the thought, what a great concept for a new episode of Criminal Minds.

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  17. Bad and dirty. Ew.
    I loved "Are You There God? It's Me Margaret"! It was all we could do to get it out of the school library when I was in 5th grade. There was a waiting list! Got my mom to buy it for me though. I have a daughter, 6 yrs old. Wonder if I should get that for her since she already asked what tampons (or "those things" as she called them) are for? I actually let my husband tell her.

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  18. Wow, creepy. But impressive too.
    Have you seen the pictures of girls who made their prom dresses out of duct tape? I think the pix on top would definitely top those as far as the "wow factor" goes, if you really want to turn some heads...

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  19. Uh, yeah. This makes as much sense as Jodie Foster's character going to Buffalo Bill's house all by her lonesome. RON!

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  20. Um, I have actually been to the Glore Psychiatric Museum. I was at the end of a crazy children's theatre tour and our hostess (who was also amusingly insane) took us there. The best part is that they use mannequins leftover from some department store to demonstrate all of the psychiatric devices. In one exhibit, they must not have hand a mannequin with legs that bent at the knees, so they just sawed her legs so they could seat her. Hilarious! Terrifying!

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  21. I just spent 2 hours on that Cracked website. It. Was. HILARIOUS.

    I read that dude's menstruation website and was thoroughly grossed out. He was a suicidal patient at one point and then decided to make a period museum. Yes...this is great idea. I so want to go to a museum of a guy who cut himself and poured acid on his back. Private tours! Bring it on!

    *shudders and goes into the fetal position*

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  22. I. am. so. disturbed. Please don't go, Sassy!!!!

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  23. OMG! At last something I can comment on with true expertise.

    I HAVE BEEN TO THIS MUSEUM.

    Not joking.

    In college (at AU), I wrote a paper about tampons. For a class in the history department, since you asked.

    For the paper, I went to this museum. I took a friend, because - it's in that guy's basement.

    And yes, it's creepy. It's a 50s tract house in...Gaithersburg, maybe? Anyway, a little drive from DC. And it's basically the basement rec room.

    I feel kind of bad for the guy, though. He's not inappropriate, but the entire concept, and the reality of his house, is creepy. And then...it's creepy that he must know it's creepy yet he does it anyway which makes it creepier.

    BTW, there's a lot of scholarship out there on tampons. Just so you know.

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  24. Holy crap!! I live so close to that town I might google it and drive by. Maybe roll down my windows and listen very carefully for some screaming...

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  25. Just when I think the world can't possibly get any weirder.....

    Yikes!

    But I oh, so, have to share this....

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  26. Ick and Creepy. Seriously creepy. But, somehow disturbingly fascinating. I would want to go, but only if my big brother the 6'2" ex Marine police chief would come with me for backup. And, since he would never step foot in a place devoted to the history of women's period's I guess I'm SOL. Damn.

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  27. Holy bloody tampons! Just when you think you have heard it all...
    PLEASE promise us that you won't go for a visit! - The Empress

    http://rantersbox.blogspot.com

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  28. The psychiatric asylum museum sounds kinda interesting.

    "But the, uh, highlight of the museum has to be this magnificent mosaic, which was constructed entirely from the stomach contents of a woman suffering from compulsive swallowing. [...] After all, the woman who swallowed those 1,446 objects died in surgery. So who the fuck made the mosaic?"

    Hmm...well, better a mosaic than a dress, I guess.

    ...now I wish I hadn't said that. I just imagined it.

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  29. @ Beakess...

    I thought the same thing. I guess I was too young to understand. LOL

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  30. uh, don't go while on your period. I read your Artifact blog. Picture this: It's the 60's and my Italian ma is standing outside the bathroom door trying to instruct me on how to insert a tampon and she yells so the whole damn neighborhood can hear, "DON'T PUT IT IN THE WRONG HOLE". sigh.

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