Monday, August 9, 2010

Romp and Circumstance

As I'm sure you've noticed, Jeff likes to take pictures of me. It's quite flattering. And, sometimes, lucrative.

Like the other week, when we were on vacation, Jeff goes, "I want to take pictures of you wearing a pretty dress." And I was like, "Um, all I brought is jeans and a variety of stained tank tops, seeing as we're on vacation. And also a sports bra that holds an entire bottle of Zinfandel."

"Well, I'll buy you a pretty dress, then," he said, and I think I may have actually made the cha-ching motion with my elbow, because it's not every day I get rewarded for being a slob.

Anyway, Jeff and I went dress shopping -- which he enjoys perhaps more than a straight man should -- but couldn't find anything that's both wearable and less than $100. We finally ended up at a little discount store, where I spied something soft and ruffly and lavender on a rack outside.

"This isn't so ba--" I began, but then gasped and dropped my hand.

"What?" Jeff asked.

"It's..." I started backing away slowly. "It's a... romper."

Jeff's eyes lit up. "I'm getting it!" he said, and bounded off to the cash register before I could stop him. (It was only $20, a price I would soon realize was insultingly high.)

That evening's photo shoot required some liquid courage on my part, and even then I only posed for a few shots before I had to jump out of the romper and take a hot shower, scrubbing the sin off of me with a loofah.

I made a valiant attempt at looking badass, but instead I looked like Romperette, a sixth-string Marvel superhero benched indefinitely for her lackluster costume and useless superpowers, which include...

  • Getting fully naked in order to urinate
  • Looking like Little Edie Beale on a bender
  • Viciously cutting people off at the most unflattering part of the thigh
  • Camel toe

So now you know why I hate rompers. It's not that they don't look good on anyone... it's that they don't look good on me.

Let's never speak of this again.
Share/Bookmark

45 comments :

  1. oh dear, I hate them too. I look horrible in them. Tried a few on and realized that I would look better in the burned shreds of a burlap sack.

    I don't think you look half bad though! They're awkward items of clothing by their very nature.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh my. How brave you are. How valiant of you to stow your dignity for your hubs. Does anyone look good in a romper? And on a similar note, I cannot wait to hear what you think about Gretchen's winning look from last week's PR. The moment I saw it, I thought, "Wow, Una's gonna have a field day with this one."

    ReplyDelete
  3. omg the look on your face in the second shot is priceless. i, too, wonder about rompers. mostly because i remember watching romper room like EVERY DAY and wondering why that lady knew my name, but only said 'hi' to me like once a month.

    ReplyDelete
  4. The TOP is cute.....but not cute enough to offset the bottom.

    This is one past fashion item that didn't need to (try to) make a comeback.

    Unlike the worn out, frayed jeans my mom could make a bundle on from the attic, my sister and my rompers might be better suited for goodwill. That is, if someone is going for the 'camel toe look'...God help them if they are!

    ReplyDelete
  5. "I think this is the best costume for the day."

    ReplyDelete
  6. Well...maybe you could cut the bottom off and wear a skirt over it? Or jeans? I'd hate to see the cute ruffly top go to waste just because it's connected to an unfortunate bottom!

    ReplyDelete
  7. So rompers apparently are actually back big time. I've seen them in tons of stores. We bought a couple for my daughter earlier this summer. They look adorable on her. She was 18 months old when we did so. Changing a diaper does require fully nudity which,I'm sure, is a zillion times more awkward as an adult. Oh, and they are basically "onesies" without the snaps, totally baby realm. Let's leave these things to the 60's. But Jeff does take a purdy photo...totally the model's influence though.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Wow. That takes a big brass pair. I, too, have spied a lovely frock only to find that it is actually a romper. The horror! The unfairness!! A friend recently asked my opinion on what to wear on a night out with her husband. The word romper came out of her mouth. No! No!! I cannot support such shenanigans. This is not 1979, and you are no longer 5 years old. Yes, that blue & white striped terry cloth romper was very cute back in the day, but you're an adult! Erase the word romper from your vocabulary, and I sure as hell do not want to SEE one in your closet!

    ReplyDelete
  9. First the wine-bearing sports bra and now a romper? How lucky are we?! I can hardly wait to see what comes next.

    ReplyDelete
  10. But just think, you now have a reason to product test the Camelflage!
    http://www.camelflage.com/

    ReplyDelete
  11. I think you're bringing camel toe back. Maybe Justin Timberlake will write a song about it!

    ReplyDelete
  12. LOL, well I tell my girls often to try very hard to pick what looks good on the body- not what others enjoy seeing you in. but this is great! Love the first pick, very superheroine!

    ReplyDelete
  13. It looks GREAT on you! Shut up!!!! And I love the ruffles. I would've added a long necklace though. One of those with the pendants at the end. You're welcome :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Now I'm just embarrassed because I just invested in like 30 rompers thinking they were super fly and super hot. Now I find out that 1) they're for women, and 2) you all think they're ugly?! Dang it.

    Single Dad Laughing

    ReplyDelete
  15. I was once reading through blog comments (not here), and I came across a comment from a woman that seemed to maybe be similar to me. Being a companionship-starved newly stay-at-home-mom at the time, I quickly clicked her blog link so that I could become acquainted with my new internet bff. Her first bazilion posts were about cake decorating... o.k., fine. I like cake... then there was a post about what she was going to wear all summer... she introduced the idea of a romper. I closed the window.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Your secret is safe with all 3609 of us.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I. Love. You.

    You always manage to take my crappiest of days away, perhaps even more effectively than Calgon. I sooo needed this laugh today!

    Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Okay, the first shot actually looks kinda flattering. The second one, um, not so much. I feel honored that you would subject yourself to this all in the name of our entertainment. I also feel like I owe you BIG TIME as a result.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I don't put rompers on my toddler as I'd hate to infantilize him.

    Rompers for grown women make me shudder.

    Also when pregnant ladies wear sailor suits. WTF?

    ReplyDelete
  20. anyone past the age of three should not wear rompers. they aren't really flatering for anyone.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Oh, thank god I'm not alone. I went to Lollapalooza yesterday and saw more rompers than I could shake a stick at. Even the most adorable girls looked weird. Plus, I can't imagine having to deal with that outfit and use a Port-a-Potty. Yeesh!

    ReplyDelete
  22. I thought you looked cute.....very funny story!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Obvious question, but why didn't you wear the romper to blogher?

    ReplyDelete
  24. Sounds like a good boyfriend. Doesn't spoil you, but gets you nice things :-)

    Cameltoe potential aside, that romper is nice!

    And looking like Little Edie on a bender is nothing to be ashamed of! She was the greatest hipster of all time without even trying!

    ReplyDelete
  25. You are so damn funny!

    ReplyDelete
  26. I, too, share a great disdain for rompers. Though I have never had the misforturne of wearing one myself, I did share a few strong words about them on my blog!

    ReplyDelete
  27. I'm with you Sassy, rompers totally suck. What in the hell were they thinking when those stupid contraptions were invented? The difficulty in peeing part is just the half of it. Then of course there is the total ridiculousness of the garment itself. You are such a good sport for humoring your husband. I hope he has more than made it up to you!

    http://rantersbox.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  28. Proving once again that there is nothing you won't do for your man! That is some funny stuff. You are such a great sport!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Before I read this post, I seriously thought that I was the only one who HATED rompers! All the people that I've seen wearing them, though, were HUGE and the romper on a huge person is horrifying! Thanks for the pictures and the shared disgust of a romper!

    ReplyDelete
  30. I hate rompers so much. Living in Vegas it is all any one wants to wear this year. I've seen ones ruffled, terry, sequined, strapless and silky. I can tell you the only people who actually look adorable in them are two. I hate them so much fantasize about committing rompercide and viciously attacking peoples rompers and making them all into goofy little dresses instead.

    ReplyDelete
  31. I so glad you acknowledged the camel-toe on your own. Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  32. I found your site from Me, my thoughts, and everything else. I love it. I’m going to poke around a little bit, but don’t worry I’ll put everything back where I found it!!

    ReplyDelete
  33. I found your site from Me, my thoughts, and everything else. I love it. I’m going to poke around a little bit, but don’t worry I’ll put everything back where I found it!!

    ReplyDelete
  34. You just summed up why I've started four different blogs with three different email addresses over the past 12 years. I can never seem to figure out the line between what to reveal and what not to reveal about my life and myself. I end up feeling guilty about the whole thing and never posting anything more than links to inspirational sites, pictures, and music. It's sad, because I know I'm a good writer, and I know I have a voice and lovely stories to share, but I can't get it out. I'm stifled.
    I've commented before with these words, but thank you so much. Your blog is wonderful, so funny, and something I look forward to reading. With that said, I have wondered how honest you are about every part of your life. I think the same thing about every single blogger I love read all the time, which are only a few (that I can say I read every single entry). I think you should use this as a place to post whatever you feel like and don't worry what the tone of the blog should be. You could do what some have done and start a separate blog, but that would be too much trouble because you already have this one. Life is up and life is down and it's the journey that's the most important. Whatever you have to say, I know your readers will love you through it all! <3

    ReplyDelete
  35. I meant for that last comment to be on the other entry, but you probably figured that out already. I think you look just fine in a romper, cute even! The hat really makes it!

    ReplyDelete
  36. Not sure why Rompers are "in" seeing as the majority of the population looks terrible in them (majority meaning every body). I'm enjoying the pictures in your blogs! sidenote- the "captcha" to comment to you says "nonders". haha

    ReplyDelete
  37. ok ok... that thing is HOT. I mean, camel toe and all.

    I mean that in the most sincere way. Your husband knows what he's doing and if I were you I would keep him around.

    Also: I thought everyone always got totally naked to pee. If that just me?!?! Dear lord....

    http://arealgoodblog.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  38. "Little Edie Beale on a bender" I'm dying laughing!! You should have worn a scarf around your head with "The Marble Faun" You're so funny!!

    ps my word verification for this entry: anyma!

    ReplyDelete
  39. this is hilarious, as always. with this blog post alone, i have converted maybe thousands of people to sassy followers (or at least my sister).
    she came up with a good question, by the way... did you ever find a pretty dress to pose for pictures in? (because the romper doesn't count as either "pretty" or a "dress," lol.)

    ReplyDelete
  40. I remember wearing rompers when I was 4 years old...yikes. I didn't realize they made them for adults! Haha

    ReplyDelete
  41. I actually like it... AND I wish I had one.

    ReplyDelete
  42. i have a SUPER long torso, which would have given me a SUPER, ultra, labia climbing camel toe.... if you dug the seam out of your crotch a little bit, it wouldn't actually be that bad!

    ReplyDelete
  43. we actually had to wear these in school for gym. less cute though and with our names badly (in my case) embroidered on the pocket. Euuuuh.Jan Morrison

    ReplyDelete
  44. Rompers are essentially fancy pillow cases.

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...