Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Past Due

This post is not funny. I just want to put that out there, in case you are having one of those days when you need a laugh. I won't be offended if you skip over to some other blog for the day and revisit this later, once you've had a few beers and that Sarah McLachlan commercial about abandoned dogs comes on TV and you're ready for some FEELINGS.

For those of you still with me, here goes:

Today was supposed to be my due date.

That was what happened in January. I found out I was pregnant. Then I found out it wasn't viable. Then I had a miscarriage. At almost twelve weeks.

[Deep breath.]

I debated writing about it. Ever since it happened I've wanted to write about it, but I didn't want to upset anyone, make anyone uncomfortable, cross any lines.

Then I thought of the flip side: The people it could help, the people who might find comfort in knowing they weren't alone, the women (or men) desperately Googling "blighted ovum" or "sonogram no embryo" who might end up here instead of on some cold, frightening WebMD message board.

When I found out I was pregnant I started a new blog. I figured that way I wouldn't have to rehash everything when I finally told you. Even though events took a turn for the worse, I'm still glad I kept a record. I still don't feel like rehashing. If you want to read it, you can find it here.

It's actually kind of funny. Please don't be offended -- humor is my crutch. Plus, there's plenty of depressing stuff, too -- something for everyone!

I hope it goes without saying that I don't expect anyone to tell me about their own miscarriages or other struggles in the comments (although if you feel comfortable doing so you're welcome to). If you would like to respond without making it public, you can always email me.

P.S. Thank you to everyone who weighed in on the "Where's the Line -- or the Lie" post. Your support means so much to me. This isn't a new direction for the blog, it's just... well, it just is what it is. It's just something I needed to write.
Share/Bookmark

93 comments :

  1. Ironically, when my daughter looked over from her morning cereal and saw me looking at your blog, she said (pointing at the picture of you and your sister), I know you're going to laugh. You laugh whenever you see them.

    I don't have any special words of wisdom or having gone through the same thing (although I have several friends who have gone through exactly the same thing), but I'm glad you wrote about it. Like I said before, your readers (me) appreciate anything you have to write about, whether funny or something less funny.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Congrats, Una. I'm proud of you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hey Una, all your readers are going to be thinking of you and sending their love (me included). Keep being awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh Una. I read the other blog and cried for you. I haven't experienced this, but the day my sister miscarried, I ditched work and lay in bed with her and held her while she cried. I've never heard sobs that heart-wrenching.

    Her ultrasound tech was a total douche too -- she kept talking about what a bad day she was having and then said, "Well if you were actually pregnant, you're not anymore."

    I hope you end up with another similarity to her situation later -- a beautiful, healthy baby and a happy family. Until then, I'd hug you if I could.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I sort of guessed but then again I do play a gypsy fortune teller on the internet (along with whatever other fancy titles I bestow upon myself)... That was very brave of you to admit and no doubt your doing so will help other people in ways you could have never imagined. ...Remember your readers love you whether you think you are being funny or not.

    Big hugs, The Empress

    http://rantersbox.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous3:43 AM

    You have no idea how glad I am that you wrote this. I was due 3 weeks ago. Miscarriage is such an intensely personal experience, I think you're so brave to put this out there. I read the blog and bawled for about 20 minutes before I could write this. There's so much about happy healthy pregnancies, but for some reason, we're not supposed to share sadness and miscarriage even though it's unfortunately natural and normal.

    I'm 14 weeks pregnant today. Everything's healthy! At first, I was scared and didn't tell anyone or even go to the doctor to confirm until after I got past the point where I had miscarried.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Your strength and ability to make others laugh even when times are hard is something I very much admire.

    ReplyDelete
  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  9. <3

    I'm sorry for your (and Jeff's) loss.

    here's an internet hug:

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thanks for sharing Una :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. De-lurking to say that I hope you are doing okay. Sending happy thoughts and best wishes to you and Jeff.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anonymous7:49 AM

    I understand... I have had 2 of the bastards. At 14 weeks both times. The first in 2003 and then in 2007. I commemorated eventually by getting tattoos of what would have been their astrological signs intertwined on my wrist. That actually helped a lot because I felt like it was a visible tribute to something that no one would talk about, at least not without the head tilt and stammering of not knowing what to say, and something I couldn't forget.

    The first year is the hardest. It does get better, but I know it will never be a day (or days) I don't mark.

    I recommend finding some way to honor it that speaks to you. I think of my life as before and after. I'm sure that will never change. There are lots of and lots of us who have been there. I'm glad to email regarding my process. It might help me too...

    Julia (juliacassels@gmail.com)

    ReplyDelete
  13. That must have been very difficult to do, and I am sure it will help people who have had the same experiences.....

    ReplyDelete
  14. A friend of mine went through this last year. You're right - no one is alone.

    How brave you are to not only go through all of this, but also write about it. We're here, and we're listening (well... I guess we're reading.).

    ReplyDelete
  15. I miscarried at 11 weeks too. Before I got pregnant with The Kid. Since we were so close to that magical 12-week mark, we told everyone, so un-telling was the hardest part. Facebook was a nightmare. Ugh.

    Do you plan on continuing the other blog when you get pregnant again? You definitely should.

    I think I'll email you, so as not to clog up your comments. :)

    ReplyDelete
  16. It was brave of you to share this. Thank you for the brave and for the funny.

    ReplyDelete
  17. You are not alone.

    ::hugs::

    ReplyDelete
  18. Thanks for writing. I think you're amazing. And I will read your blog and blogs and twitter. and facebook (oops... I sound like SUCH a sketch) Whatever you post. Feel better.

    ReplyDelete
  19. remember, this is your blog - not ours. i feel privileged that you want to share with us - the good, the bad, and the fucking ridiculous. life isn't all witty comments and wine-filled bras - those are just the highlights. and many times, sharing the lowlights, the crappy downturns, and the bottoms that we hit can be just as - if not more - meaningful.

    thanks una <3

    ReplyDelete
  20. Chicago anon.9:03 AM

    Una, The thing that makes a blog powerful to me is the sense of relationship that is built up by a good one (I originally wanted to say a well-written one, but it is more than just strong writing. It is also how well the writer interacts with her/his readers.) The writer of a strong blog draws me in and connects in a way that (mimics?) (parallels?) a good friendship, allowing a glimpse into their lives. To do this well in friendship and in blogs requires real risk-taking at times. I wanted to thank you (and Jeff, as well) for trusting us, not just with this story, but also with all the funny things that you’ve shared that pop up in your life. As a 50-year old male who is well past living the 20-30 something life and who has not experienced the pain of miscarriage, your story (in all its forms) continues to broaden my sense of the world.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Anonymous9:05 AM

    I admire you for putting yourself out there, in a much scarier way than your usual "humor comfort zone."

    As a fairly new reader to this blog, it does make me like you that much more, and makes me appreciate another side of you.

    Keep writing about whatever you want - I'll keep coming back.

    --Kris

    ReplyDelete
  22. Holy crap, sweetie. I had no idea. Sending you big hugs. :(

    ReplyDelete
  23. Anonymous9:18 AM

    Una - I'm one of your weird online stalkers who read your blog every day and think you're kind of awesome. I am so sorry. I've got to tell you, I read you're blog not for funny (although it's hilarious) but because it's real. I'm going to read you whether or not it's funny, as long as you stay real.

    Good luck! - Katie

    ReplyDelete
  24. Una, I don't know what to say but wanted to let you know that my heart goes out to you.

    While my wife and I have never experienced what you and Jeff have gone through, we do have some friends who experienced the the joy and sorrow you must feel.

    You're very brave to share your experience and I hope many take comfort in your words.

    ReplyDelete
  25. After a very public miscarriage I found little solace in the fact that it is a common occurrence, a shared experience—I'm a stubborn only child with a singular mindset—but I did eventually come to terms with the myriad emotions and difficult realities. It very much shaped my life for a period of time, but it did not define it. That day is now a memory—a poignant one—but a distant one.

    I am glad that you wrote about it—if I had my blog at that point in time I would have done the same thing.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I'm with Miss Welcome -- we your readers appreciate you and anything you have to say. Your wit and your insight have entertained and amused so many people -- please know that we "so many people" are sending you hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  27. I'm with Miss Welcome -- we your readers appreciate you and anything you have to say. Your wit and your insight have entertained and amused so many people -- please know that we "so many people" are sending you hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Hugs to you - you are not alone and this WILL help others. So sorry for what you went through.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Dear Una, thank you for your courage. I am so sorry for your loss.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Thank you for sharing. I can only imagine how difficult this time is for you and Jeff. I'm sure that you will help many people going through their own difficult times.

    ReplyDelete
  31. What a rough thing to go through, I can't even imagine how you do it. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers today. Hang in there :)

    -Lady Fromage
    http://ladyfromage.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  32. Una, I read your other blog in its entirety.. you're very brave for sharing this with us. No matter what you decide to write I'll always come back for a read. You're awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  33. De-lurking to second the other comments. I read because I love your "voice" no matter what you have to say.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Una, I'm coming out of lurkdom to tell you that I really appreciate this post. Remember, we all started reading YOUR blog because it belongs to you. It's not for us to decide what you post. Even if it was, I'd want you to post serious stuff more often...you still manage to make me smile in every post (even this one) and I'm just going to keep stalking this blog. Because I feel like I know you. And because Jeff reminds me of my husband.

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
  35. Una, thanks for sharing! I was still very interested, perhaps more interested than some of your "funny" posts. Keep writing from the heart and I'll keep reading! Plus, I know you will be a great mom and I can't wait to read that blog someday!

    ReplyDelete
  36. Your honesty is the mark of a real writer, and it's definitely what keeps us coming back...to share the lows as well as the highs.

    As with everyone else, I wanted to share my condolences with a virtual hug... And thank you again for sharing your amazing personality and perspective with us.

    ReplyDelete
  37. I like you even more when you're all honest and open and shit. And I read your other blog... it's really funny. I can't wait 'til you get pregnant again and bring us the stories of mini curmudgeon.

    Also, I think it's awesome that you plan to have a home birth.

    ReplyDelete
  38. You're right, that wasn't very funny.... (sorry, I think being totally insensitive is funny sometimes)(that's why I don't have any friends). Seriously though, I'm so sorry for your loss. I read your mommy blog and cried with you. I'll keep my fingers crossed that you get what you want sooner than later, and I bet you'll be a fantastic mother.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Anonymous12:18 PM

    I had a misscarige this year too. Over memorial day weekend. I was about 9 weeks, what got me was that when I called my mom to tell her I what happened she tells me " why didn't you try harder to make sure you kept the baby" . Here I was trying to keep it together for my husband and my two year old and she's telling me to try harder. I haven't told anyone this but when she said that to me I lost all respect for her, she was blaiming me for something that my body decided wasn't healthy for me.

    ReplyDelete
  40. You're a wonderful writer and you can write about what you like because it's your blog. I am sure words aren't enough to express what you're feeling, and me myself I have no words of comfort for you because I've never had to experience such loss. All I can say is, life will find ways to bring you greater joy, the joy you bring to others with your writing and with your wittiness. God bless.

    ReplyDelete
  41. You are so brave and talented. I always love your blog, whatever you write about. I'm so sorry for your loss. x

    ReplyDelete
  42. I've been reading your blog for well over a year and this is the first time I've commented.
    I'm profoundly saddened over your loss but appreciate you sharing the story. I'm 32, been happily married for 11 years and am scared shitless of trying for a family. You were brave, tried and survived and I admire that so much. You will have a beautiful family someday. And reading about your experience puts me another step closer to putting my eggs out there (ha!).

    ReplyDelete
  43. *E Hug from a total stranger* Because hugs are better than words.

    ReplyDelete
  44. I love you all. That's all. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Funny or no, I'm here. You can't get rid of me, or any of these other people, that easily.

    Sorry for your loss but thank you for being brave enough to share it with us.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Sad for you today! I went through a similar situation in 2000, with my first pregnancy. I have lost 4 babies, but am also 23 weeks prego with number 4 miracle baby! I know it sucks and I know people can say stupid things sometimes, so just know that I am thinking about you today and I also owe you an apology, because one time I commented that I thought you should take a pg test. That was probably insensitive to come from a total stranger! I'm sorry!

    ReplyDelete
  47. Ohhh Una.... HUGS. I haven't even read the other blog (yet) and I'm crying. Just... HUGS. Times about a million.

    Thank you for sharing with us, your loyal blog friends. :)

    ReplyDelete
  48. Anonymous2:31 PM

    Thanks for your post. The same thing happened to me this year, my due date was 8/7 - when I got my first ultrasound they said there was no embryo. I had never heard of such a thing. I had already told my mom about the pregnancy, luckily she was the only one (other than my bf) and when she called to see how it was going I had to tell her the news. Her reaction was almost like she thought I was lying. I didn't know such a thing was possible, didn't feel like googling it - so thanks for sharing, because I do feel less weird for being pregnant with no baby knowing it has happened to others.

    If you were trying to start a family, I hope all works out well for you. I'm sure it was just the universe telling you it wasn't the right time yet.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Brave woman for sharing your story...I too had a late term miscarriage at 16 weeks...I don't think the term miscarriage actually does it justice. At sixteen weeks you have a baby, fingers, toes, genitalia, he looked like my ex-husband, I essentially birthed a dead baby, unrecognizable fetus no more. This was 13 years ago. I have since given birth to three perfect little angles, no complications, just healthy babies. My little boy lies next to his grandparents in an unmarked grave, but is far from forgotten. I'm sure this isn't overly helpful, but it isn't he end of the line either. Ironically, my daughter was born on this day 10 years ago. (((hugs))) I was only recently able to tell my story in it's entirety here's the link if you want:
    http://lambsfold.blogspot.com/2010/04/listen-closely-ill-likely-only-say-this.html

    ReplyDelete
  50. I just read your secret blog. I am on intimate terms with "blighted ovum".
    10 years ago I had miscarried before I realized I was even pregnant. By then it was too late to do anything, but cry. A year and half later, I thought I finally got lucky, but had a negative test and what seemed like a period. So six weeks later when I started getting comments about my belly, I felt fat and ashamed. Later a series of tests and ultrasound revealed I had lost my son's twin. I was grateful for my fortune, but from time to time I wonder why I couldn't I have had those other babies?
    All I've learned is that we each find peace in our own way. My heart goes out to your family today.

    ReplyDelete
  51. ohh- {hug}. I lost a child to cancer right before his third birthday. I know the torment of losing a child- any child. The moment you were pregnant, you had dreams and hopes and love for that baby. Whether the ovum decided to behave or not. It was still a baby in your heart and mind. I'm sorry for your loss. I know the pain. I wish I could take it away- luckily, I can tell you, time dulls it a bit.

    ReplyDelete
  52. Anonymous4:00 PM

    Una,as one who just miscarried our 1st (2 weeks ago) my heart goes out to you. It is really really heart wrenching to talk about- let alone write about it.

    ReplyDelete
  53. I don't actually know you. I sent you an email once, and didn't even expect you to reply, but since you did, I've felt a personal connection to you. This post actually made me cry. I can't say that I know how you feel (or felt). I've never had a miscarriage, not have I ever been pregnant (which I'm grateful for, considering I'm only 17). However, what I can tell you, is that my mom had three miscarriages before she had me. And now, here I am, the best thing that's ever happened to her. I've also witnessed my stepmom's excitement and then disappointment of a false pregnancy test. Now, she has a beautiful 4-year old daughter (my half-sister). So don't worry, you're still young and strong and you still have a few tries left. You'll get it right. :)

    ReplyDelete
  54. Beakess4:09 PM

    Indeed you are not alone. My first journey into pregnancy lasted a mere six weeks ... but the devastation and desperation gripped me ... well, until I became pregnant again. The elation and joy that the first brought was replaced with hesitant optimism and tentative hope. I demanded blood work and relived the anxiety of waiting for those phone results as I read your mommy blog. Miscarriage defines women ... at a minimum every time she is asked about how many pregnancies and live births she has had. [Could they not just refer back to other records!!??] My numbers will always be off by one.

    For me, my second and third (last - bah humbug, I was so not ready to hang up my ovaries, but my husband was ready to snip the supply line) pregnancies had happy endings.

    Thank you for posting. I am sorry for your loss and wish you the best on your next journey. I'd use the saying "sending you sticky vibes" - but I'm worried what image your creative mind might conjure up! Ok, so I used it. Have at it!

    ReplyDelete
  55. Laughter is my crutch, too, which is one of the many reasons that I LOVE your blog. Everyone mourns and heals in their own way. Glad you already know what works for you.

    ReplyDelete
  56. Anonymous4:51 PM

    I have had a couple miscarriages, and the first one was the worst. Like you, I hoped for the best when I saw a little blood. We even went in for an ultrasound and saw the little baby with a beating heart. Phew! I told my whole family the big news. Then, a week later, I bled again. This time at the ultrasound appointment, there was no heartbeat. I still cry about it and it's been 2 years.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Wow. That's really hard. I had a similar event in May but I was not as far along. I too started a baby blog, but I have continued writing on it, journal style. Only my husband and I have access to read it, but I am so glad you were able to find the courage to make it public. I feel such empathy for you. Prayers are sent your way and my thoughts are with you on this tough day.

    ReplyDelete
  58. Talking openly about this takes a lot of courage, as a woman, and I just want you to know that I have so much respect for you.

    And - I'm happy for you, because I know you struggled with this post a lot and I'm so happy you went with your gut.

    You always inspired me so much, especially when I started blogging, and you continue to do so.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Everyone here is so wonderful! I read you blog all the time, you are talented, funny and warm. I think this super massively blows for you and Jeff.
    So many women share this experience. Bravo for bringing so many together here to share and heal.

    ReplyDelete
  60. Well, shit. I'm really sorry. I had two miscarriages, and the due date is a tough one to face.

    Thanks for sharing this.

    ReplyDelete
  61. Rula Lenzka7:38 PM

    Una, I found your blog last winter when we had a "snow week" and spent that week reading all the back pages to catch up. You are a beautiful and talented spirit and I am so sorry for your loss. I have been reading all these comments with tears in my eyes not because some are sad (which they obviously are) but because you have touched so many people who you have never physically met,including me. Thank you for sharing so much with all of us. Blessings to you and Jeff.

    ReplyDelete
  62. My heart breaks for you...

    ReplyDelete
  63. oh that is just so awful, and i'm so sorry for you. one of my close friends had the same happen to her (she was almost 3 months in), and was so devastated i didn't hear from her (in any capacity) for almost half a year afterwards. it's tough, and it hurts, and all we can do is read+hope that hugs sent over the internet are enough. <3333

    ReplyDelete
  64. Una,

    I am so sorry for your loss. Big hugs to both you and Jeff.

    ReplyDelete
  65. Thank you for writing this Una. Visiting this blog every day isn't just about humour (though I did get drawn here a good while back from your funny proj runway recaps); it's about enjoying your "point of view" (Michael Kors would be proud, yours is a good 'un), whether it be funny or not in a given post. I'm just starting to try for a baby too now and I wish you all the best for you and Jeff. xc

    ReplyDelete
  66. I'm really sorry you or anyone has ever had to experience a miscarriage or a fetal demise at any time in pregnancy. As an ultrasound tech I feel the need to apologize for all the crap ones out there and defend those of us that, no matter how much "symp" or "emp" we put into our explainations and condolences, it is never what anyone wants to hear when they are experiencing such a horribly confusing loss. It becomes so common to us that we start to float above emotion and forget that although we see it so often, it is new and scary to each individual. Your story (and others I hear about) reminds me and hopefully other techs that every pregnancy is precious and fragile and every loss needs to be treated delicately. I've learned it's best to say very little. Again, so sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  67. Good for you making a space to talk about things like this. As other commenters have pointed out, pregnancy loss (miscarriage or otherwise) is not something that we talk about in this society. Creating this space to allow for the mourning of a significant loss is a definite need and I commend you for doing so. No matter what, it's a loss that needs to be grieved, so as to reach some kind of, if not resolution or solace, way to work out the grief. I'm sorry for your loss and if it makes you feel any better (whatever that means), you are most assuredly not alone.

    ReplyDelete
  68. I'm really sorry for you and Jeff. :( My sister has had 4 miscarriages, two of them over three months in, and it was always such an awful joy and terror each time she got pregnant again.

    I hope that the pain of this fades with a bit more time, and you guys will eventually be ready to give it another try. (((hugs)))

    ReplyDelete
  69. Yeah, I know that sorrow. It is a terrible sorrow. It gets better though, honestly.

    When I had an miscarraige at 8 weeks my doctor told me to get pregnant again right away and to beware of anniversary syndrome. I was pregant about 3 months later which means my baby was born on the anniversary of my miscarraige. And honestly, it was really tough even though I had a real, live, healthy baby in my arms. I'm just saying -- it's hard! It takes a long time to deal with that grief. I thought I would never be able to talk about it without crying, but now I can.

    ReplyDelete
  70. I'd just like to share a comforting tidbit. My (incredible) mom miscarried her first pregnancy, but went on to have 3 uncomplicated, healthy pregnancies and children. She even made me by accident! That may not make what happened any easier, but hopefully it tells you this is somewhat common, and will not stop you from being a wonderful mother with a beautiful family.

    ReplyDelete
  71. I'm sorry for your loss, but thanks for sharing it. It couldn't have been easy to go through, and harder still bringing it up again for the world to see.

    If it helps in any way, some of us do know what you're going through--as evidenced by the mass of comments. It helps us to know that we're not alone, and that maybe we could talk about our pain too.

    ReplyDelete
  72. Una, I'm so sorry to hear this. You know I've always been an advocate of "Your blog, your story, your choice." Thank you for sharing what's in your heart.

    ReplyDelete
  73. I'm glad you shared. Having gone through similar pains in the past, I know what today feels like. In my first marriage we miscarried at least half a dozen times, maybe more. Failed in vitro, failed everything. But in the end, adopted Noah and he made everything worth it.

    Single Dad Laughing

    ReplyDelete
  74. Thank you for sharing a difficult story; I'm so sorry for your loss; I'm sending happy thoughts your way for the next time around!!

    ReplyDelete
  75. elleisfor11:21 PM

    You know, this is your blog. You write what you need to write. People will either read and laugh, cry, gasp with you or they won't. Personally, I think the odds are in favour of the former.

    You lighten so many of my days with your words. That doesn't mean we expect anything from you other than to be who you are. Human, real, funny and gorgeous, but also struggling to deal with stuff none of us really know how to.

    I hope this particular ordeal gets easier for you and thanks for your honesty. x

    ReplyDelete
  76. Una, I'm so sorry for you and Jeff. Yesterday must have been almost as hard for you guys as those days back in January. Take care of yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  77. Thank you for sharing this post. It was heart wrenching to read your other blog especially since you've made me laugh so many times on this blog. My heart goes out to you and Jeff and I'm so very sorry for your loss.

    ReplyDelete
  78. Hi, Una. I've been reading your blog but have never said anything (not to be creepy-mostly because I'm just not consistent enough to read things in a timely fashion). Anyway, I wanted to say that it was brave of you to share what you've been going through, especially in the context of what is usually humorous writing. Heck, it's brave to write it at all, even just for yourself. Thank you for sharing, and for demonstrating that real life is funny, happy, hard, sad, etc. All the best.

    ReplyDelete
  79. Anonymous10:28 PM

    Sorry you went through this. I check out your blog every time I need a spit-out-your-drink laugh. So I thank your for helping me through some hard times. This happened to me almost 2 years ago. We had been trying to get pregnant for quite some time, and it was awful. I'm writing to let you know that I am now just finishing my maternity leave-- I have a gorgeous, healthy, 6-month-old baby boy. Hang in there. It gets better. Your baby will come, and he or she will be spectacular.

    ReplyDelete
  80. Dear Una, I have waited to respond in my effort to not sound flippant. Thank you for sharing yourself on this post and all of your others, upbeat or sad. Those of us that follow you, feel like we know you, and like all good friends, we're here for better, for worse! As a Baby Boomer, I can tell you the cliche things like, "you're young, you'll have lots of 'sassy' babies, but it still hurts, I know. I had 2 children in my early 20's whom I love dearly,divorced, but after many years really wanted another child. I got pregnant at 39 with a guy I was crazy about. When I miscarried I went into deep, deep depression since I was at the end of my bio clock. My children were angry with me since I walked to the cemetery every day. I still mark the due date, although time heals. My happy ending is that I did have another child at 42, long after I thought was possible. And she is amazing! She's 13, high honors, cheerleader, dancer, sports, funny, smart, cute and wonderful. Please keep the faith, and I will pray for you. And keep being wonderful you...

    ReplyDelete
  81. This post produced quite a few comments. I'm a guy (ergo, I cannot live your exact situation) and I have yet to come close to finding anybody I would event think about having a kid with, but I have had some friends who are girls (why must all my friends be girls?) who have gone through the same thing, as well as my sister. It's heartbreaking, it sucks, and I hate when people go through that. The shittiest (and oh btw, I don't even use "bad" language, but there is no way around it involving this issue...it's ok if you laugh at me calling that "bad". I changed a lot over the last two years...anyway. I actually think I'm mentioning that I think it's bad TO make you hopefully laugh/smile/something positive) of situations like this happen for whatever reasons. You have quite the adoring group of fans, myself included, and it takes a good bit of courage to really be open about things like this. We don't know you, we like to think we connect, we're humans, we try to do such things constantly, but alas we can't. But we still try, and I'm ok with that. Good look little miss Una, you are a very interesting person, and I like when good things happen to interesting people, because they describe it in an even more interesting way. Fin.

    ReplyDelete
  82. I went through this as well. At times, nothing anyone says makes you feel better about this. Just hang in there and hang together. Better times are ahead.

    You've been a big source of (snorting) laughter in a tough year for me - divorce. I wish there was something I could do to make you feel a tiny bit better. Just know that you are very appreciated. I'll be thinking of you and wishing you the best.

    ReplyDelete
  83. just de-lurking to thank you for writing, and not just funny stuff. i'm so sorry for your loss. sending you hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  84. Anonymous5:51 AM

    Hey Una, I found about you reading the Project Runway recaps on The Huffington Post, which I immensely enjoy. I do not post to blogs, but I was moved to. The funny thing about this, is that when I read your blog last week, I realized that you were in Portland at the same time I was. I was at Voodoo Dughnut when you were there as well! If I would have seen the unibrow (I know that you no longer have it), I would have called you out! Btw, when I was in Portland I attended a Beavers game (San Diego AAA baseball team). Beavers, enough said!! Though personally, I have never experienced what you did, I was the result after 2 miscarriages. My mother always thought (and still does) of me as her miracle baby; even though I have an older brother and a younger sister. I just happened to come along after a couple of difficult times in my parents' lives. I hope everything will work out for you. I need to go now, because I am not a sappy ass person, and I am crossing the line! Stay sassy!!

    ReplyDelete
  85. Anonymous8:17 PM

    Una, how brave and awesome you are.
    I wish I had better words of wisdom for you...but I dont. After a miscarriage, it does get easier, but it takes time. Milestones like a due date a rough...all I can say is that I understand and that I am sorry and that if you and I were IRL friends, I would hug you. And if you started to cry, I might pull your hair in the hopes of then making you laugh.

    Thank you so much for sharing this. Truly.
    -Jessica

    ReplyDelete
  86. I'm really sorry for your loss. Having always wanted to be a mom, it breaks my heart when I hear about experiences like this. I admire you for being strong and posting about it now. I can't imagine how hard that was, and I hope that you have been able to sufficiently heal.

    ReplyDelete
  87. As someone who has also had a miscarriage, I kind of suspected this had happend to you based on the "Line or the lie" post. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope blogging about it brought you some peace. I know the due date from my angel baby will be forever be in my mind as will yours. (((big hugs))) on your EDD.

    ReplyDelete
  88. Anonymous4:45 PM

    I'm obviously a "Janie come lately" as I don't log on here as much but one thing alot of people don't know about me is that I had two miscarriages within 4 months of each other. The first one happened just after I found out I was pregnant. It was the hardest experience. I think I spent two weeks off from work just in bed, crying. The second happened not too long after my first ultrasound. That was extremely hard, especially after seeing the little heartbeat and having the worst treatment in the ER where the doctor basically refused to acknowledge that I was having a miscarriage and trying to rush me out. I wound up having to have a D&C. And I blamed myself for a long time. But I realized that it wasn't the right time and that it'll happen when its supposed to if its supposed to. And I've managed to find some good in it all. For instance, I know have a great story to tell people of my drug-induced freak out while being prepped for surgery. (I use humor to get through rough times.) And I found out, after two OB/GYNs and numerous other doctors examining my nether regions that I have a tipped uterus. Just how that managed to slip by the minds of doctors to, I don't know, inform me...I'll never know.
    LONG story short, I know where you are coming from. Its hard and its painful and its sad. But all I ever try to do is learn from my experiences in hopes that it will make a stronger person out of me. You have already proven to be a strong person and an amazing person at that! Good luck to you and your husband! And thank you very very VERY much for sharing that with everyone. It does help to know that I am not alone in my experiences.

    ReplyDelete
  89. Anonymous1:23 AM

    Una,
    Thanks for sharing. As evidenced by the comments, miscarriage is very common and many people grieve in private, which can be good or bad...I guess it depends on one's personality. I miscarried at about 13 weeks and it really sucked at the time. What prompted me to post is something you mentioned...about how you didn't realize how much you wanted a baby until it was uncertain. While I'd never elect to miscarry there was a sliver lining. I had been rather ambivalent about pregnancy and motherhood and the disruption on my life. After losing one I realized that I REALLY wanted a baby and in my head I went from indifferent to fully committed. Which makes all the difference because being a mother is hard work. Which, happily, I know first hand after having a healthy girl the next try.
    Good luck.

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...