Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Beavers, Balls, and Best Friends

I have written before on this blog about my beloved Bergen-Butler.

For the uninitiated (or those too lazy to click on the link above), Bergen-Butler is my urban family, formed at age 23. Bergen is shorthand for the boys, who lived on Bergen Street -- Alex, Bajir, and Kabir (Bajir and Kabir are not, as one might assume, Islamic twins, but rather exceedingly lovely and goofy and artistic white boys and best friends who were raised in the same Sufi community in Pennsylvania). Butler is shorthand for the ladies, who lived on -- wait for it! -- Butler Street: myself, Ellaree, and Betsy. Together we formed a brother/sisterhood rivaled only by the He-Man/She-Ra relationship in its raw power and feeling of unstoppable destiny*.

*I had to Wikipedia He-Man and She-Ra just now and I had always assumed they were lovers. I'm pretty sure I, um, made them lovers as a child, playing with their figurines. Oh, God. 

Anyway, in 2004 at another friend's wedding, Bergen-Butler made a pact that whenever one of us got married, we would all gather to celebrate it, and to reunite.

On Sunday, Kabir and his lovely bride Ani got married against the staggering backdrop of Mount Hood in Oregon.

This is Ani and Kabir.

And this is Alex pointing out Mt. Hood.

We spent Friday and Saturday nights at the airport HoJos, which was sketchy as hell. It was, however, located just steps from a 7-Eleven (and late-night drug dealing hub) that sold giant sheets of Rice Krispies treats. So it was, overall, a win.

No rehearsal dinner is complete without a 2-lb. block of partially-hydrogenated awesomeness. Betsy knows.

Our goal for the weekend, other than to watch Kabir get hitched, was to get as fat as possible, so we hit up Voodoo Donuts (tagline: "The magic is in the hole").

The bonus? Voodoo Donuts had a photobooth. It rivals Economy Candy now as the place I want my ashes scattered when I die.

Also, because I am actually a twelve year-old boy, I bought...

This, the only crappy photo in the post, was taken by me. All other photos courtesy of Jeff.

If you like beaver jokes, you'll love Oregon!

When not eating beaver (see?), we took Big Chill-esque group photos:

And I fulfilled a lifelong dream of being the top of a human pyramid/Ponzi scheme.

The human centipede, not pictured, was less successful. But our group jump was awesome, mostly thanks to Ellaree's entire body.

The only way to end the weekend was with some black-light pirate-themed mini-golf. I hustled Jeff, Alex, and Ellaree. What can I say?

I'm a baller.



  1. WWHHHAAAT... He-Man and She-Ra weren't lovers?? WTF. I sooo made the figurines make out.. repeatedly. *Sigh*


  2. Getting together with old friends is always so fun and refreshing. Sounds like you had an awesome time, and that giant Rice Krispy treat is amazing! Voodoo Donuts looks like a fun place :)

  3. I like the Big Chill reference, the glo-in-the-dark balls (because who doesn't?) and the Beaver Brittle. Being Canadian and therefore celebrating the Beaver as our national animal, the Brittle touches a patriotic nerve.

    Oh and anyone who didn't make He-Man and She-Ra lovers in a dangerous time? Lacked imagination.

  4. Too funny! Thanks for keeping me laughing...awkwardly to myself...

  5. I had no idea that Rice Crispy Treats could be purchased as a sheet. Oregon is really moving up in my list of States That Don't Suck.

  6. I think that is the true test of a friendship: not how often you see each other, but instead how well you can pick up right where you left off. I hope that someday the friends I've made so far in college and high school (plus the ones I've yet to make) will have the same kind of relationship you have with your friends!

  7. lol looks like good times

  8. Ok, I'm totally jealous. I've heard of Voodoo Donuts and always wanted to go check it out. Right now though, I'm just jonesing for some donut magic.

    Glad you survived the drug dealing 7-eleven. It looks like your trip was a fun adventure.

    Have a great rest of the week!
    -The Empress


  9. Looks like a great time was had by all!! I need to find some friends to do stuff with... *sigh*

  10. Looks like you had a great time! I love Beaver jokes like this

    I've always felt that being a Beaver prepares you for life. You learn not to expect too much.

  11. Aw... that's so cute I have to go and randomly hit something.

  12. Ah... plastic figurine incest. Good stuff. I always kind of wondered where the "Ra" part came into play. What does it mean exactly?

    Looks like you had a great time. And beaver jokes are always the best. True story, the school district next to my alma mater had the beaver as their mascot. Talk about endless amounts of entertainment at their expense.

  13. I completely love this post and adore you in the most non-creepy way possible.

  14. Oh I am so upset. My best friend just went to Oregon and refused to bring me back some Voodoo Donuts. I'm going to have to hide in her luggage next time.

  15. i love the way you tell ANY story....

    and i used to make my barbies "lovers" and then i'd stuff a t-shirt and say she was pregnant.... my mom should have been worried, but she wasn't.

  16. 1. My aunt and uncle actually live on Bergen St. Small world!
    2. There is a popular chain of gas stations in Texas called Buc-ee's, whose mascot is, you guessed it, a beaver. You can purchase "beaver nuggets" from said stores, and there are even billboards on Texas highways advertising them. Despite the sketchy name, I promise they are delicious and quite un-beavery.

  17. What a fun weekend you had! I am now going to go find the rice krispies website to see if I can randomly have those sheets sent to my 'lil bros' who just left for college. Giant Rice Krispies FTW!

  18. I'm sorry, what what?! I know one of your friends. The world is too small. Gosh dern internet strikes again!

  19. I would have simply read along and been pleasantly amused, as usual, till I noticed how heavy the estrogen content was in the comment section, and I was moved to action... estrogen does that to me.

    HE-Man and She-ra locers? Despite what you say, you nor any of your commenters were ever 12 year old boys. We would never have thought of doing that while old enough to have the toys, and by the time we were old enough to think of it, we would have already blown the toys up with black cats. If you dont know what a black cat is ask your man; he knows.

    Did the whole of you star in an early 90's college angst movie? Did you think you were in one at the time?

    ignore me, nice post.

  20. Wow, balls and beavers would complete any awesome weekend like that.

  21. Thanks everyone!

    Adria -- who do you know??

    brohammas -- I forgive you. There is a lot of estrogen up in here. And yes, I harbor delusions that I am starring in Reality Bites at all times.

  22. Frankenware11:08 PM

    Is it wrong that the first thing that popped into my head after seeing "beaver brittle" was a symptom of peri-menopause? Not surprising i guess, as I live in the heartland where " cheese curds" are also readily available...

  23. While at Voodoo did you happen to grab a cock and balls, it would have gone nicely with the Beaver Brittle. Did you see the restaurant down the street called Hung Far Low. I'm a Portlander, and there is much fun to be had in that town just reading the signs alone.
    One question, as an East Coaster, did you say you were in Aruh-gone or Or-ra-gone?

  24. Voodoo donuts is the best--Kara is right on with the cock and balls! Did you see that it moonlights as a marriage chapel?

    One of my favorite moments of my SF-to-Brooklyn move in a U-Haul was when we were driving through Colorado and passed the best named liquor store ever: Beaver Liquors

  25. YOU WERE IN MY TOWN AND I DIDN'T GET TO STALK YOU? My life is over. I'm glad you had fun.

    Also, on the beaver note, it's the OSU mascot and one tanning salon near campus sports the sign "Get your beaver waxed!"


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...