- If I created a Tumblr account, I would call it “Anybody Want A Peanut?” and every entry would rhyme.
- Why are the toilet seats in my office bathroom the color of tobacco-stained molars? Who decided to even offer toilet seats in a hue that approximates concentrated urine?
- For some reason I have been saving three cardboard toilet paper rolls in my closet for over a month, as if one day I will sit down, travel back in time to 1987, and make a pencil holder for my mother, liberally splashed with glitter and held together with pipe cleaners, that resembles Stonehenge by way of Fraggle Rock. I take this as a sign that I am having some kind of quarter-life third-life (?) crisis-spurred, Hoarders-like compulsion to hold on to my youth. Do not even think about letting me anywhere near a SpinArt machine.
(Oh, FYI that Peppermint Bark tin is filled with sewing stuff. Because, you know, I'm -- um -- so handy like that. But I'm not above Claudia Kishi-levels of candy stashing. Just yesterday I found a packet of Pop Rocks in my mismatched-pajama-bottoms-and-abandoned-sports-bras drawer. Some people hide crack rocks from the po-po; I hide Pop Rocks from myself. Try not be too jealous of my awesome life.)