I never thought I'd say this, but I have such respect for the humble (if unnervingly large) sanitary napkin. I kind of hope the Mayans are right about 2012 now, because this is some End of Days shit.
You know what else exists? Camelflage. Turning camel toe into camel no since 1895! (That's not their actual tagline, though it should be. And props to my girl Betsy for coining the term "camel no.")
I guess since we'll all be with Satan soon I may as well cash in. How about Skid-daddle, a skid mark-preventing portable bidet? Or Supercalifragilisticexpihalitosis, a Hannibal Lecter-esque muzzle that filters out bad breath like one of those Glad plug-ins, but for your face? I admit it's not as subtle as farting discreetly into a thong, but I really think it could change the world.
*speechless
ReplyDeleteOMG, please tell me you watched the promotional video on the Subtle Butt page?!? I wonder what type of qualifications one might need to be the lady in the lab coat -- Doctorate in Butt-Sniffing?
ReplyDeleteWow! I could not read the product description until I enlarged the image. Fart mufflers were not what I was expecting. I'm not sure what I WAS expecting...but it wasn't fart mufflers.
ReplyDeleteAt first, I was all sorts of confused...
ReplyDelete"Do these things make your toosh tooshier?"
And then I clicked on the picture and read the small print and I was all...
"Oh. I see now, but wait, I still don't get it. Where do you put these things? Are they sticky and attach to your underwear? But how do you wear them in a thong? And how do you know when it's time to change them? Is there some sort of color-changing indicator strip?"
And then I realized I was wasting too much time thinking about these ridiculous things.
(I still don't really get it though. I mean, isn't that why we all own pets, to blame them? And isn't that why they created the Save Your Marriage Blanket? Okay, now I'm moving on from this.)
Look, I won't lie...There are times when I could use some subtle butt...Who couldn't? Murphy's Law practically REQUIRES that this product is mass manufactured and marketed.
ReplyDeleteOMG! We have to start pretending we don't toot anymore??? WTF! I was told if you keep your farts in you will get cellulite. I am cellulite free, interpret that however you'd like.
ReplyDeleteXO
Cinderella
I was unaware this product existed...but now that I know...I can think of several people who should have their cracks literally stuffed with these babies.
ReplyDeleteDisposable gas neutralizers?
ReplyDeleteI think I'll hold out for the reusable ones...
OMG! Hilarious! I've never seen these before! This would make a great gag gift!
ReplyDeleteWow! And thank you for this informative and amusing post. These should make excellent stocking stuffers or white elephant party gifts!
ReplyDeleteBut do they neutralize the noise factor?
ReplyDeletei dont belive itll end in 2012
ReplyDeleteWow. Perfect Christmas gift for the boss you love to hate.
ReplyDeleteNo fair! A while ago my friends and I came up with something similar to the subtle butt and swore we'd invent it and get rich off it.
ReplyDelete*we may or may not have been high...
I once saw two chics on Howard Stern fighting over who thought of this idea first. Amazing! Can't cameltoe be cured by looser pants?
ReplyDeletewow. thats all i can say... wow.
ReplyDeleteOh God. That's...horrible.
ReplyDeleteCan I sit in on one of your therapy sessions? I want to know how your brilliant mind works. Really.
ReplyDeleteCan we all just pause for a minute to marvel at the undisguised photoshop job done on this photo? I mean, maybe this woman really does have the roundest, most perfect ass society could have wished for her and maybe she really does have some sort of horribly disfiguring tumor growing beneath her left shoulder blade, but I'm leaning more towards photoshop on this one.
ReplyDeleteSwamped at work are you?
ReplyDeleteJust kidding.
Oh. My. Goodness. After witnessing the new Moon (obviously coined The Migraine Moon by early Americans)last night and suffering the consequences, your post nearly killed me! ;)I'm particularly impressed with their other product 'Skid Out'. Wonder if they sell anything, and just who their customers are???? Thanks again for the hysterical laughter!
ReplyDeleteWell I'm glad I opened up this post and learned about these fine products.
ReplyDeletewow. i have to share this
ReplyDeleteVisual representation of all of these ridiculous gadgets on one person is necessary. Please draw us a comic.
ReplyDeleteButt fashion. Now I have lived. Boy, I know of a few elders, always in front of ya in grocery lines, who toot away, can't hear it and can't smell it. Think when I get that elderly, I am going to get a body sized filter to walk around in with of course a camel toe insert!
ReplyDeleteToo funny! How do you find this stuff??
ReplyDelete