Thursday, July 15, 2010

Milli (Vanilli)

Jeff and I have been married 1,000 days. This is also (more or less, I'll get to that later) my 1,000th blog post. It is like a total eclipse of the heart up in here. And the best thing about it is that the Latin prefix for 1,000 is milli, which allows me to reference Milli Vanilli, which is one of my favorite non-eating activities. Girl, you know it's true.

Anyway, I haven’t actually been counting the days since we got hitched, in case you're wondering (the only thing I've ever tried to count in our marriage is the number of places we've done it--I'm sure some day our kids will be so proud) but I did do something just as embarrassing – I Googlebated (yes, I am going to keep trying to make "Googlebate" happen – SHUT UP, IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN!!!!), which led me to our wedding webpage on The Knot.

It's funny – if I hadn't stumbled across the page on what happened to be our 998th day of wedded bliss, I never would have known. But since I did know, I insisted that we celebrate this numerically impressive but otherwise meaningless milestone.

It was kind of a disaster.

Jeff and I have plenty of romantic moments during the course of normal everyday life, but when we make an effort to be romantic the pressure tends to jinx us. In this particular case, Jeff had a bad day and was feeling depressed, but wanted to go out to dinner to make me happy. Unfortunately dining with a miserable person wasn’t really doing it for me. I won’t go into details, since Jeff suffers enough of his personal life being aired on the blog, and since any recount of a fight would be one-sided and unfair, but suffice to say our 999th day was not our finest.

It happens. Every now and then we fall apart. (I blame the total eclipse of the heart. And maybe also the rain that was falling, falling.) But that’s marriage. That’s love. Boning across continents is all well and good, but real love means figuring out how to fight without hurting each other, and how to reconcile without sacrificing your voice. (Also how to Photoshop your heads onto other people's bodies as a public demonstration of affection.)

Yes, you know it's true -- ooh ooh ooh, I love you.

As for the 1,000th blog post thing – to be honest, I don't know when I hit 1,000 posts. Right now my Blogger dashboard count says 993, but I've deleted at least a dozen posts since I started the blog... mainly thanks to the CEO of a company I formerly worked for.

It began in August of 2008. One day, the actor Verne Troyer (who, apparently, was BFF with the CEO) toured our offices in a tiny motorized chair. I blogged something to the effect of "OMG, Mini-Me was in the office today. He creeps me out. But I don't hate little people or anything. If given the chance I would be all up on Peter Dinklage." Granted, not my best work, but, I thought, pretty harmless. I never revealed the name of the company I worked for, so as far as my readers were concerned, "the office" was generic.

A week later my boss called me in. The CEO had seen the blog and was not happy. At that point I had maybe 80 readers, so either Verne Troyer has a Google alert on his own name* (hi, Verne!) or one of my co-workers ratted me out.

*Auto-Googlebation! I will coin this term yet!

I didn't get fired, but from that point on the CEO was wary of me and my wanton blogging ways. A year later, when I got the opportunity to blog for The Huffington Post, he tried to forbid it. I fought back, and he finally decided to consider it, but only after reviewing my blog. He asked for the link, and I frantically pored over my entries from recent months, deleting posts that I thought could offend him or change his mind in any way. Most of the stuff I got rid of was political – this was right around the Sotomayor nomination and I was fired up – but I also trashed some funny posts that lampooned women's magazines or fashion brands (I worked for a magazine, and if I had been caught making fun of any of our advertisers I would have been in deep shit). I wish I had the forethought to save that writing, but I was nervous and frantic and so I didn't.

Which is all a very long way of saying that I passed 1,000 posts without knowing it. On the one hand it's disappointing, like missing the moment when the odometer on an old car ticks over to 100,000. But then again, much like the 1,000th day of a marriage (or even like an old car), it's a very small step on a much bigger journey. It's kind of like an unexpected scenic overlook on the side of a long highway: You take a minute to pull over, exhale, and take in the view. 

Then you get back on the road.

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27 comments :

  1. Congratulations!

    I find it hilarious that you deleted a post about how you find Verne Troyer creepy, but you kept all the posts that talk about you being stoned.

    The literary world is a mysterious place.

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  2. @TB (like there's anyone else I could be talking to):

    I only deleted that Verne Troyer post because the CEO made me.

    But yes, point taken that I have no fear of admitting that I've inhaled -- but ALWAYS in the past tense :)

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  3. Hi Sass,

    Don't know if this will help you retrieve your deleted scribblings, but I pulled up a now defunct web site of mine from 10 years ago:

    http://www.waybackmachine.org/

    Apparently what was on the 'net, stays on the 'net...somewhere.

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  4. Thanks, J.R.! I think some of the posts might be saved on Facebook -- I used to import my blog as "notes."

    Also, in light of the fact that I had a scare yesterday -- someone hacked into my Google account, which caused a message to pop up saying that my blog had been REMOVED (I almost peed my pants)-- I'm taking steps to back up the whole thing.

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  5. Um, 1,000th day anniversaries should always be celebrated by showing your loyal readers some of your wedding pictures, no?

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  6. Wow! That is scary...the peeing in the pants thing I mean. Especially if you were planning on going to a movie.

    I do enjoy your blog.

    Thanks

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  7. You are always so funny and clever in your posts... and then sometimes you sneak a really poignant, amazing little essay like this in, and it always gets me like a sucker punch of bittersweet emotion... love it.

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  8. Ewwww.... having your boss read your blog is creepier than Verne Troyer. Having a boss that makes you edit your blog is even worse... especially if you haven't even named the company. He is just downright bloody rude.

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  9. @AlaskanAlison: Aw, of course. Find wedding pics here:

    http://volcanicensemble.blogspot.com/2007/11/we-did-it.html

    http://volcanicensemble.blogspot.com/2007/11/wedding-post.html

    http://volcanicensemble.blogspot.com/2007/11/more-procrastination-fueled-wedding.html

    http://volcanicensemble.blogspot.com/2008/01/apparently-i-never-shared-these.html

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  10. Oops, and here: http://unaandjeffs2yearoldwedding.shutterfly.com/

    @Lucky Punk: Thanks, that means a lot. I'm always afraid that if I'm not funny you guys won't want to read the blog. It's good to know you're open to my attempts at poignancy :)

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  11. @Annie (Lady M)x: Thanks, I agree! To quote the inimitable Stephanie Tanner, "How rude!"

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  12. P.S. Do you guys like how responsive I'm being in the comments today? I'm trying to respond every time anyone leaves a comment.

    It'll probably last a day or two...

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  13. I too recently had to delete posts and it bites. That's all I can say about that. Other than that, Blame it on the Rain. Oh and congrats!

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  14. Congratulations on your 1,000th! ... I totally get your apprehension about what sort of blog posts would be deemed acceptable by an employer. Being new to the blogging world I think I probably sensor myself more than I would like... As for Verne Troyer, it makes sense that he would creep you out. I mean come on, has anyone seen Mini-Me drunk in Las Vegas?! If not, that sort of spectacle is beyond creepy! ... Milli Vanilli rocks by the way.

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  15. @77Cher: I think as long as you save a copy somewhere it's OK... we all have blog posts we regret!

    @Ranter's Box: Thanks! Yes, it's tough. My current boss and a few coworkers read the blog, so I always have to ask myself if I would be OK with them knowing the stuff I'm writing about. Luckily one of the reasons I was hired here was BECAUSE of the blog, so I can probably relax. And that was after the post about Buckwheat, which I would like to delete (but Jeff won't let me).

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  16. This reminded me of an article I read following JFK Jr's death. It referred to him being Carolyn's spouse of 1000 days. Hey! Didn't the Kennedy administration last 1000 days? Not that you and Jeff were planning to go up in a plane that was falling, falling or anything. Just making conversation.

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  17. Okay, I just looked at your wedding pictures. OMG. I actually got misty-eyed over these. Seriously, for real.
    Note to self: Must. Get. Life.

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  18. The only thing I ever get when I Googlebate is a golf course in California.

    I asked to be their friend on Facebook, but they never responded.

    OH...and a restaurant in Indiana. I'm totally going there one day.

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  19. Seriously...this is all I get...
    http://www.whitneyoaksgolf.com/Club/Scripts/Home/home.asp

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  20. It is always great to have goals in life, but sometimes reaching milestones in life are even better. Especially for marriage, I'm a big fan of "till death do us part." So keep going strong!

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  21. Double congrats. I swore I'd commemorate my one year of blogging but unless I go all the way back to that very first post, I have no clue when I actually started and I'm wayyy too lazy to click the previous button all those times.

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  22. I like what you said about marriage and bad days, fighting without hurting each other, etc. Very wise, Ms. Sassy.

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  23. I had a similar situation occur where my boss pulled me aside and told me to be careful what I write about work. So sad that we have screen our own rantings in fear of losing our jobs. Isn't blogging supposed to be a healthy outlet for us?

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  24. You can always do what i do and e-mail your blog posts to yourself. I always have a copy of my ranting for future reference and I e-mail them to my grandmother who enjoys my work, but doesn't quite get the whole blog thing! congrats on the 1000th post (or there abouts) I love your blog! ;0)

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  25. This was a great post - very witty (and sweetly nostalgic if that's possible mentioning Milli Vanilli in the same breath).

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  26. I love your definition of love in this post. My fiance and I have been together a month now after 9 apart... and the honeymoon phase is fading as we get used to having each other around. I have to remind myself constantly that the fighting is normal. Therefore, your words of wisdom (I know, you're eyes are probably bulging with disbelief at that semi-oxymoron right now :P ) come at a good time. Learning to fight without hurting each other... I love that.

    Oh and also, I'm still reading regularly. <3

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  27. I love your blog. You make me laugh. But I love this post most. When you talked about the difficulties in arguing without hurting each other, and being able to make up without losing who you are, I felt really moved. I understand how difficult it is to do both those things and love that you and your husband are able to do them. Thanks for sharing this Una. Sending smiles, Em. x

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