But you HAVE to blog.
Because you set an insane precedent for yourself by blogging every fucking day and now people expect it. NO ONE WILL LOVE YOU IF YOU STOP BLOGGING FOR EVEN ONE DAY. THAT IS THE RULE OF THE INTERNET. You are going to be forgotten more quickly than Jason Alexander.
Hey, now. NO ONE will forget George Costanza, aka Art Vandelay.
"I'm disturbed, I'm depressed, I'm inadequate, I've got it all!"
No, not that Jason Alexander. The one who was married to Britney Spears for 55 hours before the Federline Incident. Remember him?
Well, I guess... I kind of want to blog about how hipsters are now wearing the same orthopedic sandals that my mom’s old Polish cleaning lady favors, and how that makes me want to throttle them, and how it reminds me of the old Chinese lady slipper craze of ’03, and how I wonder what it says about our country that rich people like to reclaim footwear from the opposite end of the socio-economic spectrum and will willingly shill out $60 for it at Urban Outfitters, but Googling “poor people shoes” made me feel bad.
Also I can’t find pictures of the right kind of orthopedic sandals. But I did find a photo of one of those giant, early-80s cell phones, which I bet would make millions if re-released by American Apparel.
(You know it's true.)Now you’re reaching.
I know. Sigh. Also I can’t think of anything funny to Tweet.
Are you telling me you’re not represented on ANY kind of social media site? Have you at least written on someone’s Facebook wall in the last 24 hours?!
I don’t think so.
OMG. HOW WILL ANYONE KNOW YOU ARE EVEN ALIVE????
Um, I’m pretty sure I’m breathing.
No one cares. Go Digg something, quick.