Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Who You Gonna Call? (911, Probably)

I don't know if it's the heat or hormones or someone has a voodoo doll in my likeness that they are slowly inflating with one of those red straws generally reserved for floatation devices in emergency airplane landings, but for the past week I have had a protruding belly that would land me on Us Weekly's bump watch if anyone cared at all about my abdominal curvature.

I'm not pregnant, and as far as I know I haven't ingested any balloons or Chia Pets recently, so I have to confront a very real possibility:


What's more troubling than the Stay-Puft parasite is the fact that I seem to be lacking a heart, lungs, ribs, or a spine. Off to see the wizard, I guess.
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28 comments :

  1. Are you going to be on that show "I didn't know I was pregnant". Is your next post going to be "I just gave birth to a full-term baby boy, and we're over the moon" ; )

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  2. Did you A) Swallow the entire Tootsie Hut whole? B) Ingest whole cookies/cupcakes? or C) Do you suppose its all of the above, staging the tootsie-cookie revolt in your abdominal cavity....

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  4. mmm.... doughy michelin goodness.

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  5. Whoa. Freaky. Me too! I wonder how widespread this is? Whatever you do, don't stand in front of the microwave. That could become very, very messy.

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  6. you should bring some chocolate and graham crackers......




    In all seriousness I hope you can get this situation identified and eliminated.

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  7. Ever see that show on TV "I didn't know I was pregnant". You might be able to go on it!

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  8. Drink more water!!!

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  9. That doesn't look good. It could be kind of awkward for your man, when 5 guys show up at your house to get him out...

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  10. In this ungodly heat, I have a tendency to stay stationary and drink more cold soda, lemonade, juice etc. in a single day than I normally do in a month. Can this be the reason my shorts are tighter than the last time I wore them?

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  11. michelin's toes seem to be tickling ur bladder the whole time - feeling polyuric by any chance?

    turn up at the doctor's and insist on getting an Ultracound scan and DO NOT accept taking a urine test, before telling him/her your diagnosis - then take a picture of his/her face...

    priceless.

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  12. gas-x. it's your friend.

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  13. I've had this same exact problem, only it's been going on for a few months now. It gets progressively worse throughout the day until I go to bed looking about four months pregnant. It doesn't matter what I eat--the results are the same every night. The weird thing is that I've actually lost weight since I've been getting full faster, but I look fatter--not fair!

    I finally made an appt. with a GI specialist, and he's sent me for gall bladder tests and blood work this week. Message me on fb if you want to know when I get the results--I'd be happy to be your mystery-belly-buddy!

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  14. I look like a swallowed a balloon or am growing a mutant baby myself. I don't know wth is going on... :(

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  15. Haha! Well at least he's in a good mood and looking fabulous with his red tie.

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  16. Impressive depiction of your biology. The "lady bits" is my favorite part.

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  17. He looks totally yummy. For sure I'd want to swallow him too. But first stick his a** in the microwave. Bon appetit.

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  18. note to self: eating watermelon seeds = bad idea! ;0)

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  19. Perhaps the Stay Puft Marshmellow man has invaded your tummy...who'ya gonna call? Ghostbusters!

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  20. my mom would tell me to lay down and stick my bottom in the air- if it is gas, it'll rise and take care of it self. Other than that- it could be from lack of movement, more bubbly drinks, less water, or stupid lady bit hormonal changes.

    Good luck with that. My belly sticks out because I eat too much- so the doctor can't help me.

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  21. she ate them.
    i had the same thing happen to me.
    now i just slither around....

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  22. Lou_Briccant5:40 PM

    I was gonna go with "unborn body of a twin sibling" until I saw the sketch. I can totally see that now.

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  23. Anonymous6:02 PM

    Hi Una, My daughter is 29 and 2 years ago as she was planning her wedding, she kept saying she was bloated. She's 5'9" and about 125 lbs, so it was obvious. Turns out she had a benign cyst tumor the size of a grapefruit on her ovary that she had to have removed. Make sure you check it out. It could be nothing but it's worth checking out.
    Love your blog!
    Lynn Wise

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  24. Too much candy? I know - you'll curse me for saying that.

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  25. Lady bits? So THAT'S the question I missed on my anatomy final. No med school for moi!

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  26. I am guessing off to the wizard means off to the Doctor. Love your drawing and am glad you shared with your blogger friends and got tons of advice!

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