Hello! I’m alive and so is my sister. Was traveling all weekend and got in late last night to a hot, sticky apartment that basically had the same effect as five Ambien.
True story: Yesterday I sang in front of a roomful of octogenarians AND played minigolf in wedge heels while holding a plastic cup of Pinot Grigio. I only fell over twice, which I think should have been a factor in scoring (I came in third out of…um…three).
Then there was a long car ride home, during which my sister and I got the giggles while listening to NPR, because there was some food show on and the host sounded exactly like Molly Shannon on that Schweddy balls SNL sketch and there was a call from a lady who didn’t know what to do with this coconut she somehow ended up with, and you have to wonder how badly technology had failed this woman that she resorted to calling a radio show for recipe tips. I mean, right? Just Google that shit, woman! For some reason this struck me and my sister as hilarious, possibly because we were still drunk and also possibly because the phrase “nut meat” was uttered. Then I ate a quarter pounder with cheese and let my shuddering arteries lull me to a sleep that was interrupted every ten seconds or so by my head bouncing off the car door.
So, really what I'm saying is: You didn't miss much.