Thursday, June 24, 2010

Still Life With Unibrow, Boats, And Miko, Beautiful Island Friend of Barbie

My dad emailed me the following picture last night:


He emailed it with no comment, but there is much to be learned from this.

Such as:
  • Never pose with Tropical Miko, "beautiful Island friend of Barbie," unless you are truly prepared to bring it, because that girl gives good face.
  • Also maybe don't stand 6 feet in front of Miko, making self look like a hirsute garden gnome photobombing her perfect vacation memories.
I tried to get a second opinion, but Jeff got kind of cagey.

Me: What would you say about this picture?
Jeff: [Long pause] So...so many things. [Makes hasty retreat]

Sigh. I guess I'm left to ponder this hypnotizing scene by myself, then. My gut tells me that much like a Magic Eye image or a lotus flower, this has many hidden layers. I think that maybe, with enough peyote and a steady loop of Cyndi Lauper's "Iko Iko," I can unlock its true meaning.

P.S.:  I posted at The Big Give today, and managed to call Haley Joel Osment a cockblock while talking about giving. It's pretty heart-warming.
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27 comments :

  1. Love that picture.

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  2. This picture could actually be a home made shoe box house for skinny bitches skinny island friend. A little post card clipping in the background a stick with barbie on it...these can be accomplished as I have made said box. Barbie in my universe never got the Barbie Dream House or the Pink Vet!!!!! And subsequently received a haircut that made her look like Meth Barbie...oops

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  3. Awe... this is so... um, precious. Forgive my rudeness, but I gotta ask, did you ever watch Sesame Street and feel an immediate bond with any of the Muppets? For some reason Bert and Prairie Dawn come to mind for me...

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  4. That is the best picture ever. I love how it looks like your Miko's sidekick on her exotic river vacation. I loved Miko as well and she frequently went with me on vacations and camping trips. I took her swimming to the local pools. Her hair ended up being a ratty mess, and then her head came off (probably popped off by a mean boy) and she suffered from no-neck syndrome and was demoted to mean-girl Barbie status. She became the bad-girl in all my Barbie imaginative scenarios. I still have her somewhere....

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  5. Hirstute. Brilliant.

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  6. what a fabulous picuture!!
    don't over think, just embrace.

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  7. This photo is so deserving of framing it's not even funny. I totally forgot about Barbie's tropical friend. I think between her and the unibrow it's art come to life. Bravo.

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  8. Una, I really admire your parents. Not only did they resist the urge to hold you down and pluck your delicate baby face, but they actually instilled a sense of pride and good humor in you regarding your unibrow. That takes a special, delicate touch.

    I genuflect in the general direction of your parents (I hope they're in relatively close proximity, as I don't want to keep getting up and down to change direction.) They done good, kid, and you turned out okay. ;-)

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  9. I am so in love with that unibrow it's scary. You were such a cutie little muffin my Gah.

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  10. When I started laughing, my daughter wanted to see what I was laughing at. After a pause, she said, 'is it a boy or a girl?' I only tell you that because you turned out so well.

    And Sassy, yesterday I opened the oven door and a big heat wave made my mascara glue together, so I was una-lash. We were cosmic sisters for a few hours until I washed my face.

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  11. This makes me laugh for the fact that I just found my old Barbies.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate
    Tiffany

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  12. @Corinne: Thanks... it's almost Mona Lisa-esque, isn't it? Well, if Mona Lisa had posed with her Barbie.

    @The Renee Chronicles: HA. Don't worry, my Jem doll got a shaved head and a "fuck" tattoo -- she looked like a cross between Sid Vicious and a white supremacist.

    @OneBlondeGirl: Yes, I am the lovechild of Bert and Prairie Dawn. I think she was a surrogate for Ernie and Bert behind the scenes.

    @Jessica: I can't remember where we were, but obviously Miko and I had some good times.

    @Ellie: I love that word, and it seems like a kind way to say what is abundantly obvious.

    @L: Thanks! I'll try to just accept it for what it is: a truly Precious Moment.

    @77Cher: Agreed. Maybe for my bathroom (which already features a photo of me taking a bath with Ken, btw)

    @iamandyleigh: I agree. They done good. There are really only two choices when your child has a unique physical trait: Tell them they're beautiful or help them fix it. I certainly got made fun of, but as an adult I cherish the unibrow. Without it, I would have turned out completely differently. It's LOST-style destiny.

    @Annah: Aw, I'm so glad it brings joy to others.

    @Miss Welcome: HA. I love that. I looked even more like a boy when I was younger and had a Beatles haircut and wore overalls.

    And unalash -- amazing!

    @Redbonegirl: Barbies are like baby Rorschach tests; we all had such freakish little rituals.

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  13. You are not six feet in front of Miko, you are leaning sort of on the ledge she's chillin on...I love your kid pics, I wish I had pics of my childhood like you.

    <3 your blog!

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  14. Anonymous1:11 PM

    i love your shirt in this picture! and i think that if you had my mom (she let me shave my legs in 4th grade because they were getting too mannish), you'd have 2 well-defined eyebrows in all these adorable pictures.. but then they wouldn't be as amazing so you win.

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  15. I don't know what you're talking about. I love everything about this photo. Love it!

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  16. It's precious! Look how happy you are! I love the unibrow - embrace it!

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  17. Love this. For a second I actually thought that was a real person, just sitting very far away.

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  18. Cute photo! Haley Joel = cock block very funny!!

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  19. That photo is adorable. Takes me back to my awkward childhood when I used to sport a unibrow :-)

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  20. LMAO at hirsute garden gnome!

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  21. I love island, its natural surroundings and the feelings of being in it. Cool island.

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  22. I can only hope to take such picturesque photos when I'm traveling this summer. You're kind of like the precursor to Amelie, except instead of a French accent you've got a unibrow and instead of a gnome you've got a barbie.

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  23. Sassy, I think you're awesome & an adorable youngster but I wonder why your parents (or you?) didn't think to wax just a little?

    My dad is Persian so I'm totally used to the uni-brow look... just sayin'...

    *hugs*

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  24. Aw man - I loved Tropical Miko. Loved her so much I chopped off all her hair into a very-ahead-of-its-time Bob.

    And then became so incensed when her hair didn't grow back that I cut off both her feet.

    I've turned out fine though!he he *shifty look*

    You were cute as a button.

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  25. Yeah? Well I had the "Twiggy" doll that they came out with in the late 60s-early 70s----yes, I'm mofo fifty! I havent been the same since.

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  26. Good, safe response, Jeff. That's definitely a wise decision.

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  27. Oh my lord, I so feel your pain with that unibrow! And I forgot all about her, but I had a Miko doll too! She was the ONLY Barbie that I'd play with. I hated that blond bitch with a passion when I was a kid...but I spent my childhood playing with Hotwheels and dead junebugs.

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