Thursday, June 24, 2010

Still Life With Unibrow, Boats, And Miko, Beautiful Island Friend of Barbie

My dad emailed me the following picture last night:

He emailed it with no comment, but there is much to be learned from this.

Such as:
  • Never pose with Tropical Miko, "beautiful Island friend of Barbie," unless you are truly prepared to bring it, because that girl gives good face.
  • Also maybe don't stand 6 feet in front of Miko, making self look like a hirsute garden gnome photobombing her perfect vacation memories.
I tried to get a second opinion, but Jeff got kind of cagey.

Me: What would you say about this picture?
Jeff: [Long pause] many things. [Makes hasty retreat]

Sigh. I guess I'm left to ponder this hypnotizing scene by myself, then. My gut tells me that much like a Magic Eye image or a lotus flower, this has many hidden layers. I think that maybe, with enough peyote and a steady loop of Cyndi Lauper's "Iko Iko," I can unlock its true meaning.

P.S.:  I posted at The Big Give today, and managed to call Haley Joel Osment a cockblock while talking about giving. It's pretty heart-warming.


  1. Love that picture.

  2. This picture could actually be a home made shoe box house for skinny bitches skinny island friend. A little post card clipping in the background a stick with barbie on it...these can be accomplished as I have made said box. Barbie in my universe never got the Barbie Dream House or the Pink Vet!!!!! And subsequently received a haircut that made her look like Meth Barbie...oops

  3. Awe... this is so... um, precious. Forgive my rudeness, but I gotta ask, did you ever watch Sesame Street and feel an immediate bond with any of the Muppets? For some reason Bert and Prairie Dawn come to mind for me...

  4. That is the best picture ever. I love how it looks like your Miko's sidekick on her exotic river vacation. I loved Miko as well and she frequently went with me on vacations and camping trips. I took her swimming to the local pools. Her hair ended up being a ratty mess, and then her head came off (probably popped off by a mean boy) and she suffered from no-neck syndrome and was demoted to mean-girl Barbie status. She became the bad-girl in all my Barbie imaginative scenarios. I still have her somewhere....

  5. Hirstute. Brilliant.

  6. what a fabulous picuture!!
    don't over think, just embrace.

  7. This photo is so deserving of framing it's not even funny. I totally forgot about Barbie's tropical friend. I think between her and the unibrow it's art come to life. Bravo.

  8. Una, I really admire your parents. Not only did they resist the urge to hold you down and pluck your delicate baby face, but they actually instilled a sense of pride and good humor in you regarding your unibrow. That takes a special, delicate touch.

    I genuflect in the general direction of your parents (I hope they're in relatively close proximity, as I don't want to keep getting up and down to change direction.) They done good, kid, and you turned out okay. ;-)

  9. I am so in love with that unibrow it's scary. You were such a cutie little muffin my Gah.

  10. When I started laughing, my daughter wanted to see what I was laughing at. After a pause, she said, 'is it a boy or a girl?' I only tell you that because you turned out so well.

    And Sassy, yesterday I opened the oven door and a big heat wave made my mascara glue together, so I was una-lash. We were cosmic sisters for a few hours until I washed my face.

  11. This makes me laugh for the fact that I just found my old Barbies.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate

  12. @Corinne: Thanks... it's almost Mona Lisa-esque, isn't it? Well, if Mona Lisa had posed with her Barbie.

    @The Renee Chronicles: HA. Don't worry, my Jem doll got a shaved head and a "fuck" tattoo -- she looked like a cross between Sid Vicious and a white supremacist.

    @OneBlondeGirl: Yes, I am the lovechild of Bert and Prairie Dawn. I think she was a surrogate for Ernie and Bert behind the scenes.

    @Jessica: I can't remember where we were, but obviously Miko and I had some good times.

    @Ellie: I love that word, and it seems like a kind way to say what is abundantly obvious.

    @L: Thanks! I'll try to just accept it for what it is: a truly Precious Moment.

    @77Cher: Agreed. Maybe for my bathroom (which already features a photo of me taking a bath with Ken, btw)

    @iamandyleigh: I agree. They done good. There are really only two choices when your child has a unique physical trait: Tell them they're beautiful or help them fix it. I certainly got made fun of, but as an adult I cherish the unibrow. Without it, I would have turned out completely differently. It's LOST-style destiny.

    @Annah: Aw, I'm so glad it brings joy to others.

    @Miss Welcome: HA. I love that. I looked even more like a boy when I was younger and had a Beatles haircut and wore overalls.

    And unalash -- amazing!

    @Redbonegirl: Barbies are like baby Rorschach tests; we all had such freakish little rituals.

  13. You are not six feet in front of Miko, you are leaning sort of on the ledge she's chillin on...I love your kid pics, I wish I had pics of my childhood like you.

    <3 your blog!

  14. Anonymous1:11 PM

    i love your shirt in this picture! and i think that if you had my mom (she let me shave my legs in 4th grade because they were getting too mannish), you'd have 2 well-defined eyebrows in all these adorable pictures.. but then they wouldn't be as amazing so you win.

  15. I don't know what you're talking about. I love everything about this photo. Love it!

  16. It's precious! Look how happy you are! I love the unibrow - embrace it!

  17. Love this. For a second I actually thought that was a real person, just sitting very far away.

  18. Cute photo! Haley Joel = cock block very funny!!

  19. That photo is adorable. Takes me back to my awkward childhood when I used to sport a unibrow :-)

  20. LMAO at hirsute garden gnome!

  21. I love island, its natural surroundings and the feelings of being in it. Cool island.

  22. I can only hope to take such picturesque photos when I'm traveling this summer. You're kind of like the precursor to Amelie, except instead of a French accent you've got a unibrow and instead of a gnome you've got a barbie.

  23. Anonymous10:05 PM

    Sassy, I think you're awesome & an adorable youngster but I wonder why your parents (or you?) didn't think to wax just a little?

    My dad is Persian so I'm totally used to the uni-brow look... just sayin'...


  24. Aw man - I loved Tropical Miko. Loved her so much I chopped off all her hair into a very-ahead-of-its-time Bob.

    And then became so incensed when her hair didn't grow back that I cut off both her feet.

    I've turned out fine though!he he *shifty look*

    You were cute as a button.

  25. Yeah? Well I had the "Twiggy" doll that they came out with in the late 60s-early 70s----yes, I'm mofo fifty! I havent been the same since.

  26. Good, safe response, Jeff. That's definitely a wise decision.

  27. Oh my lord, I so feel your pain with that unibrow! And I forgot all about her, but I had a Miko doll too! She was the ONLY Barbie that I'd play with. I hated that blond bitch with a passion when I was a kid...but I spent my childhood playing with Hotwheels and dead junebugs.


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