So when I recently found myself in possession of a surplus of Tootsie Rolls, I saw my shot at redemption.
Yes, friends, I decided to build a structure that icons like Abraham Lincoln and Melissa Gilbert have at one time called home...
The Tootsie Roll Log Cabin!
Where Satan lives, obviously.
Super easy-to-follow instructions:
1. Take giant bowl of Tootsie Rolls, unwrap while watching premiere of The Real Housewives of New Jersey and drinking wine.
2. Stack them haphazardly, like Pa Ingalls might have done, but with logs. Drink more wine.
3. Attempt to stick Twizzler roof on with honey. This is a bad idea. Drink more wine, fetch sewing kit you have never used for anything other than attempting to fasten Twizzler roof to Tootsie Roll log cabin--Mom did always say it would come in handy!
4. Pin Twizzlers to cabin. Present to Jeff. Beam when he declares, "Oh look! It's your turd yurt!"
I am Yertle the Turdle, queen of the pond.
5. Eat in unattractive fashion, as you are compelled to do with all failed arts & crafts projects. Dodge pins to avoid unwanted tongue piercing.