Saturday, May 1, 2010

The (Sandy) Vagina Monologues

The Sex and the City 2* poster was released this week, and Jezebel did a great breakdown of the terrible, obviously Photoshopped design.

 For real, what is up with Kim Cattrall's face? Did she turn back into a mannequin?

I, however, simply feel that the poster is uncreative. Apparently the girls go to Abu Dhabi (Alternative title idea: Sex and the Desert: Crotches of Sand), which opens up a world of bad puns** and camel jokes!

I couldn't help but wonder... was I thirsting for a different life, or was it just the sunstroke talking?***

Anyway, here, producers, is what I would have done:

(Release the movie on a Wednesday, obvs, for the joke to reach its full potential...)

*In spite of this post and any subsequent mocking, I am still totally seeing this movie.
** $10 says Samantha utters the phrase "Abu do me!"
***Jeff, looking over my shoulder as I wrote this, said "I can't stand the voice-overs. It's like... vapid chick Doogie Howser."
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24 comments :

  1. First movie was great, better than expected. This one was rushed into production before Sarah JP's old ass turned to dust so yeah... it's going to suck.

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  2. They all look crazed in this poster! Seriously, what is up with SJP's face? We know what she actually looks like and we don't care- just show her as is please

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  3. I like the camel or the ship of desert.

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  4. I'll still see the movie too, but your poster is far preferable!

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  5. The first poster does look ridiculous. I thought the camel on yours added a nice touch, and I loved how you spelled fabulous! Fantastic job!

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  6. Kim Cattrall is almost unrecognizable. Seriously if there title and the other 3 weren't there I don't think I'd know who she was.

    On an unrelated note, just found your blog and I love it. Hilarious.

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  7. Both SJP and Kim Cattrall look all weird and alien like. The others actually look good.. as themselves, surprisingly.

    Happy Hump Day, Bitches indeed!!!
    Watch out for Camel Hoes?

    I'm still totally seeing it though. ;)

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  8. Has no one else noticed SJP is cross-eyed, or eye challenged... not wanting to be disrespectful and all...

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  9. All I know is I want magic high heels that let me walk on top of sand without problems.

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  10. I'm also totally seeing this movie - probably after a few drinks! I'm with you... Samantha will definitely say "Abu do me."

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  11. Is it part of the X chromosome that requires women to like this show and all of it's related movies? I am glad the Y chromosome acts as an antagonist for that particular genetic deficiency.

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  12. I would like to nominate this post to be tagged for future "best of" selections. FabUAElous is especially witty.

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  13. Since you make me laugh on a daily basis - I just have to pass this on to you - the Sunshine Blog Award. Check it out - here:
    http://nicoleabdou-destinationunknown.blogspot.com/2010/05/i-got-sunshine-award.html

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  14. brilliant x totslly love your blog x

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  15. Nothing about this movie seems appealing... although I did envy the harem pant jumpsuit SJP wore in one of the previews.

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  16. Your poster would most definitely draw the hordes to the theatres. The merchandising business has gone to the crappers! ;)

    You think Cattrall's face looks weird? What about SJP's? The woman looks like a plastic drag doll...

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  17. Wow, the photoshopping! I like your poster better, ha ha!

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  18. I definitely like your poster better...I mean a camel..who wouldn't love that? I can't take that bet on Samantha because we all know she's going to say it!

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  19. I recently watched the preview for this and Kim Cattrall's face looked even more alien in motion. I am fairly certain that she is being slowly preserved in parrafin like in that movie "House of Wax". Also, it looked like her makeup had been applied using a model for those creepy Barbie head makeup kits that my older sister played with in the 1980s.

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  20. Abu do me?? Hilarious. I will totally be thinking of you if she says it

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  21. great work and thank you very much.

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  22. I really do love, love, love Sex and the City. The first movie was so good and I think they ended each character's storyline perfectly. However... I'm so sick of Hollywood either remaking old movies that had nothing wrong to begin with or trying to milk an idea for all it's worth and ultimately alienating their core audiences. Hopefully someone in Hollywood will be original soon or I will stop going to the movies all together.

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  23. I'm begging you, please, please see this movie soon. Despite reviews such as this one, http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/burkas-and-birkins/Content?oid=4132715,
    the world needs your commentary.

    What I will share from my own experience is that, should one make it into a drinking game, taking a shot whenever a painful phrase is uttered on screen, one's flask will be empty with approximately 116 minutes to suffer through, with painfully increasing sobriety.

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