I love Lost like Brick Tamland loves lamp.
Last week, I actually wept watching it--and I don't even cry at funerals. (I know; I'm a terrible person.)
Jeff has given up on Lost. He always gets addicted to shows with me and we spend hours hanging out in our mutual sweatpants watching entire seasons on Netflix, but then, inevitably, he loses interest.
If Jamie from MythBusters showed up on Hydra Island I bet Jeff would watch. But then Jamie would stick his oft-abused dummy in the shack with the generator and would be all, “Actually, no man can withstand that much electromagnetic radiation. BUSTED.” And I would be like, “Actually, Jamie, no straight man can pull off a beret AND a handlebar mustache. BUSTED!”
(Sorry, I get mad when people question the reality of what Jeff calls “my stories.” When I was in high school I had to ban my mother from watching ER because of her running commentary. While she’s not a doctor, she spends time in hospitals and has an intimate knowledge of childbirth practices, so every time someone delivered a baby in the OR she would get up in arms. Whatever mom, LET GEORGE CLOONEY DO HIS JOB! God.)
Anyway, as anyone who’s been following Lost knows, the final season has been set up as a kind of good versus evil spiritual showdown between two characters I could not care much less about: Jacob (the goody-goody, who looks perpetually stoned, like a middle-aged Jeff Spicoli) and The Man in Black, who is NOT, cruelly, played by Tommy Lee Jones and who is apparently going to destroy the world as we know it. When not in human form, he basically looks like that Icelandic cloud of volcanic ash that’s been fucking up air travel for the past few weeks. When the show ends I guess he’ll go back to following Pig Pen around.
While I know that the ultimate battle between good and evil forms the basis for many pop-culture pairings (I’m speaking, of course, of duos like Garfield and Nermyl, Amanda Woodward and Allison Parker, and Alexis Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan and Krystle Carrington), I’m left kind of cold by this story arc. Don’t get me wrong—I’m still totally obsessed. It’s just that if the entire basis of Lost turns out to be Radio Raheem’s monologue from Do The Right Thing, I am going to be pissed.
“Lost,” though, I will grant, is a much better title than “The Story of Right Hand, Left Hand.” (Ahhhh! Which brings us to Mr. Hand, Jeff Spicoli's history teacher nemesis! I love it when my blogs come full circle. Also, judging from yesterday's and today's posts, I think I need to Netflix Fast Times at Ridgemont High.)