Thursday, May 27, 2010

A League of My Own

There was a time not long ago when I thought condoms were the most embarrassing thing one could purchase at the Duane Reade.*

*Non-NYers: this is a chain drug store, like a CVS

Turns out, this is not the case.


True story: I once saw a man in a West Texas Wal-Mart check-out line who was purchasing a box of bullets and a loaf of Wonder Bread. At the time, I got kind of judgy. But what if he was in line behind me tonight? Each purchase by itself might lead a stranger to jump to conclusions, but it's the combination that really speaks volumes.

Hey!, they seem to say,

I enjoy bathing my seventeen cats while sobbing uncontrollably to 90s romantic comedies.

or

Cutting off locks of my own hair to send to Tom Hanks has really done a number on my drain!

Oh, well. At least I wasn't also buying condoms.
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18 comments :

  1. 1. Check out a hilarious sit called www.peopleofwalmart.com

    2. The most disturbing purchase I can think of is a bag of apples and a pack of razor blades (never actually saw this, but it would have me on high alert, esp. if it happened on Oct. 31st!)

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  2. On the way home from work about 1145pm, I saw a girl buy a box of coco puffs with food stamps and a bottle of vodka with cash. I don't know which was for the kid and which for the her.

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  3. I always look at the stuff I'm purchasing and come up with at least 5 crazy things people might think I'm doing.

    At least then I know I'm judging myself and can worry about that.

    Or I'll just throw my snobby nose in the air and be like 'pshh you wish you could buy this'

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  4. $5.99 for A League of Their Own AND Sleepless in Seattle!? You win.

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  5. Drinking Draino while watching A League of Their Own is a sure-fire way not to get pregnant.

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  6. it's a fine literary point, but, if you had seventeen of them, I think they might be your "kitties" :)

    hope things are running smoothly again in your house!

    btw, loved the most recent "scenes" post - today is our 5th wedding anniversary - I just sent the link to my husband so it will be the first thing he reads at work this morning

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  7. My roommate in college always ended up buying condoms and some type of dairy product together. ALWAYS.

    Melanie@Unravelled Threads

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  8. "That's some pretty good pissin'."

    You have nothing to be ashamed of.

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  9. i thought that buying mustache bleach by itself was bad.... i didn't know what else to buy with it!!! mustache cream and a bag of chips?? mustache cream and a box of condoms? ohhhhh, i just bought the mustache cream and bailed.

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  10. You know what would have been worse? Draino and a bargain copy of "Heathers". -_-

    Long time reader, first time commenter. You're my daily dose of humor--keep up the good writin'

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  11. if it's any consolation, the clerks don't pay the least bit of attention to what you are getting (I worked c-store for far too many years) unless you are getting rubbing alcohol and then ask for a complimentary book of matches...you might get a eyebrow raise over that...;0)

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  12. I still hate buying tampons. And it never fails I get the shy teenage boy cashier. Awkward.

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  13. Ummm... one time we were having a "guy" baby shower for our boss, and one of the party games involved grown men diapering each other (while drunk). I was elected to go to the store to buy the adult diapers. Nice, right? Well, in the interim, the sink in the bathroom clogged, so I needed to also buy some Liquid Plumr. So I picked them up together. I threw in some prune juice and fiber bars for good measure... might as well give the cashier a funny story to take home to the family.

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  14. ummm i need to scour duane reades all over the city for that deal! I would pay that for a league of their own alone...becuase you know...

    THERE'S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL!!!


    or clogged drains for that matter.

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  15. Lou_Briccant10:51 PM

    12 pack of beer, condoms, and a Mother's Day Card.....I rule.

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  16. hilarious post. I needed that does of humor.
    I love that movie-a league of their own. I could take or leave sleepless.

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  17. Once my husband and I went to buy condoms, which I hate buying...so embarrassing, It feels like you're announcing "gonna have sex tonight!" Annyways...we bought condoms and rice. Rice for dinner and condoms...for later.

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  18. I was in line behind a guy buying Preparation H and Rid. I backed away and stood in a different line. Not because of the hemorrhoids, but because of the possibility of lice. Worse. Than. Condoms.

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