Thursday, May 27, 2010

A League of My Own

There was a time not long ago when I thought condoms were the most embarrassing thing one could purchase at the Duane Reade.*

*Non-NYers: this is a chain drug store, like a CVS

Turns out, this is not the case.

True story: I once saw a man in a West Texas Wal-Mart check-out line who was purchasing a box of bullets and a loaf of Wonder Bread. At the time, I got kind of judgy. But what if he was in line behind me tonight? Each purchase by itself might lead a stranger to jump to conclusions, but it's the combination that really speaks volumes.

Hey!, they seem to say,

I enjoy bathing my seventeen cats while sobbing uncontrollably to 90s romantic comedies.


Cutting off locks of my own hair to send to Tom Hanks has really done a number on my drain!

Oh, well. At least I wasn't also buying condoms.


  1. 1. Check out a hilarious sit called

    2. The most disturbing purchase I can think of is a bag of apples and a pack of razor blades (never actually saw this, but it would have me on high alert, esp. if it happened on Oct. 31st!)

  2. On the way home from work about 1145pm, I saw a girl buy a box of coco puffs with food stamps and a bottle of vodka with cash. I don't know which was for the kid and which for the her.

  3. I always look at the stuff I'm purchasing and come up with at least 5 crazy things people might think I'm doing.

    At least then I know I'm judging myself and can worry about that.

    Or I'll just throw my snobby nose in the air and be like 'pshh you wish you could buy this'

  4. $5.99 for A League of Their Own AND Sleepless in Seattle!? You win.

  5. Drinking Draino while watching A League of Their Own is a sure-fire way not to get pregnant.

  6. it's a fine literary point, but, if you had seventeen of them, I think they might be your "kitties" :)

    hope things are running smoothly again in your house!

    btw, loved the most recent "scenes" post - today is our 5th wedding anniversary - I just sent the link to my husband so it will be the first thing he reads at work this morning

  7. Anonymous10:56 AM

    My roommate in college always ended up buying condoms and some type of dairy product together. ALWAYS.

    Melanie@Unravelled Threads

  8. "That's some pretty good pissin'."

    You have nothing to be ashamed of.

  9. i thought that buying mustache bleach by itself was bad.... i didn't know what else to buy with it!!! mustache cream and a bag of chips?? mustache cream and a box of condoms? ohhhhh, i just bought the mustache cream and bailed.

  10. You know what would have been worse? Draino and a bargain copy of "Heathers". -_-

    Long time reader, first time commenter. You're my daily dose of humor--keep up the good writin'

  11. if it's any consolation, the clerks don't pay the least bit of attention to what you are getting (I worked c-store for far too many years) unless you are getting rubbing alcohol and then ask for a complimentary book of might get a eyebrow raise over that...;0)

  12. Anonymous9:05 PM

    I still hate buying tampons. And it never fails I get the shy teenage boy cashier. Awkward.

  13. Ummm... one time we were having a "guy" baby shower for our boss, and one of the party games involved grown men diapering each other (while drunk). I was elected to go to the store to buy the adult diapers. Nice, right? Well, in the interim, the sink in the bathroom clogged, so I needed to also buy some Liquid Plumr. So I picked them up together. I threw in some prune juice and fiber bars for good measure... might as well give the cashier a funny story to take home to the family.

  14. ummm i need to scour duane reades all over the city for that deal! I would pay that for a league of their own alone...becuase you know...


    or clogged drains for that matter.

  15. Lou_Briccant10:51 PM

    12 pack of beer, condoms, and a Mother's Day Card.....I rule.

  16. hilarious post. I needed that does of humor.
    I love that movie-a league of their own. I could take or leave sleepless.

  17. Once my husband and I went to buy condoms, which I hate embarrassing, It feels like you're announcing "gonna have sex tonight!" Annyways...we bought condoms and rice. Rice for dinner and condoms...for later.

  18. I was in line behind a guy buying Preparation H and Rid. I backed away and stood in a different line. Not because of the hemorrhoids, but because of the possibility of lice. Worse. Than. Condoms.


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