Anyway, Elena Kagan also went to my high school* and is now poised to become the fourth woman ever to sit on the Supreme Court—and the third from New York.
*Who knows what her class mascot was—maybe Judge Rhino’ld? Yuk yuk yuk. Also, whatever happened to Judge Reinhold? Wikipedia’s latest entry for him is that he “is credited as the whistler on the Martini Ranch** song “Reach”. Ouch. I think it’s time for a comeback.
**Nevermind, I take that back. Martini Ranch was an 80s New Wave band featuring Bill Paxton, and it turns out Reach was directed by James Cameron. No comeback necessary, Judge; it is totally understandable that after that your career would go downhill.
Naturally, everyone wants to know if Kagan is a lesbian. Just like with Sotomayor, only worse because this one has—gasp!—short hair. Sigh. Pundits never wondered if John Roberts was a big old queen. (It’s probably because he looks like Greg Kinnear—no one who looks like someone who played the guy who invented the intermittent windshield wiper could ever be a friend of Dorothy. I’m pretty sure it’s in the constitution; ask Scalia.)
But seriously, we have bigger problems than the possibility that a (gasp!) gay could be elected to the nation’s highest court. For instance….
….why does the official portrait of the SCOTUS always look like a pre-school class picture?
Exhibit B (My preschool class photo. Peep my John Travolta look-alike teacher!)
I mean, right? Kennedy, Stevens, and Scalia can’t keep their mouths shut, Breyer looks like he wet his robes and is quietly hoping no one will notice, Ginsburg is distracted by something shiny, Thomas is clearly having a Time Out, and the girls are forced to wear bibs! Alito is clearly the teacher in this scenario, and Roberts is the goody two-shoes who manages to smile while looking at the camera at the same time—like the center kid in my photo except without the overalls and bowl cut.
Greg Kinnear should never get a bowl cut, by the way. People might think he’s a lesbian.