(You have to read from the bottom up, because it is Twitter and therefore hella advanced.)
I cannot remember a single thing about calculus--which I studied for four months during my freshman year of college--and would be hard pressed to correctly state my grandmother’s birthday, yet my brain is able not only to name two television characters from long gone 90s sitcoms, but also finds the space to store their respective physical and mental strengths in order to handicap the outcome of an imaginary fight. It’s incredible that I haven’t yet wiped out my basic motor skills in order to memorize more Bel Biv Devoe lyrics, or stopped my heartbeat by stocking my brain stem with potential band names based on my 6th grade stationery preferences (Lisa Frank and the Trapperkeepers, anyone?)
Anyway, for reasons that, as previously stated, are beyond my control (or my therapist’s area of expertise) I present to you a May Madness matchup of beloved television characters.
Watching an actual TV show takes so much less time than making a crappy-looking collage of TV characters' faces, it turns out. The More You Know.
Weigh in on the first ten battles here. (The ghetto online survey software will only give me 10 questions at a time!)
The next ten are here.
I have no idea what I will do with this information, other than use it to edge out stored data like the basic times tables and the ability to control my bladder. But I WILL post the results. So you, um, have that to look forward to. In the meantime I'm going to stock up on Depends while I try to figure out why, exactly, I should never trust a big butt and a smile.