Scene: A clothing shop.
Me: Drunk, probably.
Clerk: Would you like to buy a suit?
Me: No me gustan ternos, mi estilo es moderno. (I don’t like suits, my style is modern. —thanks, Rico Suave)
Clerk: Oh, somebody told me you like suits.
Me: Yo no se quien ha mentido. (I do not know who lied. —also from Rico Suave)
Clerk: What about a suit of many colors, like Joseph from the Bible?
Me: De colores. (Colors. —De Colores, Folk song/Joan Baez/Raffi song my second grade class performed at assembly)
Clerk: Um, yes, that’s what I said. Colors.
Me: De colores es el arco iris que vemos lucir. (Colors is the rainbow we see shining. —De Colores)
Clerk: Are you maybe having a stroke?
Me: No mi siento bien. (I don’t feel good. —The only sentence I retained from Mr. Cangiarella’s Spanish class in fifth grade)
Clerk: Do I need to call an ambulance?
Me: Oh!, oh!, oh!, esta es la linda tierra que busco yo. (Oh!, oh!, oh!, this is the lovely land that I seek. —from the Puerto Rican national anthem, which I learned in elementary school)
And that, friends, is how I may end up in a Dominican mental institution. Happy birthday to me!
(UPDATE: Today is not my birthday, it's April 13. I just meant that I might spend my b'day in a mental institution. But thank you for the well-wishes!)
Is today the actual day? Happy Birthday to you! No more time to not do things before your birthday...
ReplyDeleteMay you continue to bring us 80's-lovin', Spanish-butcherin', red coat-wearin', eye brow-tweezin' retardation for many years to come.
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday.
Haha, very good. I don't speak any spanish so you would have fooled me. Having been to the Dominican Republic, I think it will probably take more than that to get you institutionalised, they're a pretty crazy bunch.
ReplyDeleteHmmm... I can recall...
ReplyDelete"Silencio, por favor" (quite, please)
"Sientete" (sit down)
and...
"Ferme la bouche" (close your mouth.)
On second thought, that last one might be French...
Happy Birthday indeed, Sassy. Hope its a good one!
ReplyDeleteAlso, your list of things you won't do before thirty should become a lot easier, as it has now become a list of things you DIDN'T do.
Glucklich Geburgstag zu dir. (Happy Birthday - learned in four years of high school German.)
ReplyDeleteYou have the same birthday as my boyfriend (you=younger)and my cat Fat Jerry (younger in human years, but killing it in cat years)! It seems I enjoy all things 4/13 related.
ReplyDeleteHehe...my captcha is "gatoss", funny since I referenced Fat Jerry and gato is, appropriately, Spanish for cat. Maybe gatoss is Spanish for a hoss like Fat Jerry ;)
Ah, yes - I do remember De Colores most among those phrases.
ReplyDeleteConvo noted & committed to memory, should I ever want to be committed.
Happy early birthday! I hope you enjoy it among all the pretty, drooling people that'll surround you. Let's hope your jacket isn't too tight. ;)
Feliz Cumpleanos! Maybe you could woo Jeff with this little diddy tonight...
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngRq82c8Baw
And in case you miss your stories this afternoon and want to keep with the Spanish theme, here's something you'll probably be able to follow:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfObUzkjZB8
Hahahaha! I was about to write "Feliz Navidad" but then realized that's "Merry Christmas" and not "Happy Birthday." Something from your post tells me, though, that you probably would've understood anyway. Ummm..Feliz (Birth)dia!
ReplyDeleteHahahaha! Hope not - stay sane ... at least try hard to fake it! You don't need anti-psychotic drugs in your birthday treat bags, do you?
ReplyDeleteMy dad is obsessed with learning Spanish. He's a truck driver, and he thinks that if he learns Spanish then the Spanish-speaking guys loading his truck will like him more, which seems to have been the case. Unfortunately, he has learned everything he knows from CD's while he drives, so he has no idea how to read or write it, which has been pretty amusing.
ReplyDeleteOh, and he knows how to sing the Barney song ("I Love You...You Love Me") in Spanish, which is pretty awesome. I will teach you now, in case you run into someone you want to hug or kiss whilst sunning yourself in the D.R.:
Te amo
Me amas
Somos una gran familia
Con un beso y un abrazo para ti
Dime que me quieres tu a mi.
(Please forgive me, Spanish-speakers, if this is not entirely correct. It's how I remember it from like 15 years ago.)
I may now attempt to cajole folks into buying clothes by following up all descriptions with " you know, from the bible?" Bruhzilliant.
ReplyDeleteI bought some boots in Spain once.
ReplyDeletePretty sure that the exchange was an awful lot like this one.
Ironically, the only phrase I remember from first year Spanish is "estoy muy baraccha (buraccha?)," which means "I'm very drunk." I also know "Donde este Dora?" which will come in handy if Dora is every muy baraccha.
ReplyDeleteAt least the one thing you learned in class is useful, all I remember from 6 years of spanish is "Donde esta la biblioteca" - where is the library? Yeah, like I'm gonna need that!
ReplyDeleteSo does this mean you will be in the DR this weekend and not in NYC?
ReplyDeleteI will be in NYC this weekend for my man's 30th, and I was going to comb the streets calling "Sassy, Sassy". Guess it was not to be.
: (
Happy Early Birthday!
Here's a few helpful lines I remember from my 3 years of H.S. Spanish:
ReplyDeleteDonde estan los banos? (Where are the bathrooms?)
Dos mas cervezas, por favor! (2 more beers, please!)
Even if that's all you can remember, your 2 basic needs are met:)
I one day hope to find a use for the Italian phrases I learned from the Set of 70's encyclopedias we had when I was growing up.
ReplyDeletevery nicely done. I'd take you suit shopping any time, for the sheer amusement of it.
Oh and happy birthday, whenever it is. :)
Okay okay okay, let me try!
ReplyDeleteI can say "I love you" in Spanish. "You are as cute as a spot of snot" in Finnish and "Shut up, you dumb sh*theads" in German.
I would also probably be drunk(what a shock, right?), and detained at some jail in any random country, having forgotten where I was, and shouting all these things to my jailers (probably in a slurred sexy-ish drunk girl voice) in attempts to talk myself free.
Hahahahaha!
Anyway, happy early birthday!
Me gusta tu blog. Mucho!
ReplyDeletePero no me gusta que no hay una palabra en espanol para "blog."
Capiche? (no wait, that's Italianish)
I lived in southern California for two years and felt like an alien. I only learned a few words but was embarrassed to try them. I always hoped that I would learn by osmosis. Like I would just wake up one day and would speak fluent Spanish. Didn't happen. I did get real good at sign language. Be careful out there.
ReplyDeleteI only know one phrase in Spanish well, and I think it's incorrect. But here goes:
ReplyDeleteQuieres hacer amor a mi?
Translation:
Do you want to make love to me?
That's all I've retained from my Spanish speaking years, and it's really all I want to know. After all, it's a phrase that can be used in any situation.
Hi-Larious!!! Yes, we all learned some slammin' Spanish from (roll the R) Rico Suave!
ReplyDeleteI fucking love Google Translate. The End.
ReplyDeleteHmmm...you've got a leg up on *me*. The only Spanish I know is from "Dora the Explorer"...
ReplyDeleteThis is, of course, assuming that despite the fact you will be answering in Spanish, the clerk will continue to speak to you in English. But you know, well done. :)
ReplyDeleteWhenever they ask you :
ReplyDelete¿Habla español?
ANSWER:
Solo en ocasiones especiales como ésta.
MEANING:
Only on special occasions like this.
Be welcome to visit my blog and read a haiku.
Ha! Well, at least you got something from Mr. C's Spanish class. All that I've retained is that nosotros = we.
ReplyDeleteLOL! Hilarious. The one phrase that always comes to mind for me is:
ReplyDeletemas despacio por favor
Which, I believe means 'slower please' or 'not so fast'. It's also the perfect response to any spanish phrase (even if you don't need them to slow down, it's funny to watch and hear them try). :)
Feliz Compleanos Sassy!!! I think they sang that De Colores song at my Grandpa's funeral???
ReplyDeleteAll I remember is that every illustrated dialogue example in my Spanish textbook concluded with the phrase "Que lastima!"
ReplyDeletehi you, I would like to exchange links with your site.
ReplyDeleteIf you see Ok, then email me via the link kim.nguyen83 @ yahoo.com and text. add up to their own site. and you also add your link to your site
long-term cooperation and credibility.
Here are their links.
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Thanks you
My husband once order "fish tea" in Italy because the words for fish and peach are very close. Fortunately for him, the vendor didn't have any sardine chai at the ready!
ReplyDeletewww.ninabaker@blogspot.com
Hahaha that was hilarious!
ReplyDeleteI don't speak Spanish so have no idea if what you said was right but the dialogue was very witty :D