Sunday, March 21, 2010

Weekend Mailbag

So in case I haven't told you guys, I am super smart and a member of The Phi Beta Kappa society, meaning I graduated college in the top 10% of my class. And a few times a year, I get a reminder of just how special I am:


Yeah, that's Mister Ua LaMarche to you. Mr. Ua is yet another one of my alter egos, along with Ewe-na LaMar-chee, homemade mayonnaise queen of Knoxville, Tennessee. I like to think that Mr. Ua needs no last name, kind of like Mr. T. Ua! (I also like to think it's pronounced like that sound Al Pacino makes in Scent of a Woman.)

I also got a letter this weekend from The Danbury Mint. I always open anything that says "mint," because you never know when it might be a fat check or a box of Peppermint Patties. But this... oh, this turned out to be almost as good.

It was an order form for the MICHELLE OBAMA INAUGURAL DOLL. Like many things too good to be true, I had to announce her in ALL CAPS.


"Own a piece of history," the brochure pleaded, like it was selling pieces of the Berlin Wall or sand from Omaha Beach instead of a creepy porcelain First Lady glued to an air hockey puck. I do kind of want to own Michelle, though. I bet she'd fit in great with my other dolls, Annie Hall and Alvy Singer, Mr. and Mrs. Satan, and Bartman.


I can see their Toy Story-like interactions now...

Michelle: Why, hello. Do you like my Jason Wu?
Alvy: My grammy never had a Jason Wu. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks. 
Mrs. Satan: Does it come in black?

P.S. Wow, this blog has devolved to filibuster-like content. I'm not reading the phone book yet, but last month you came along with me as I got my passport photo taken, on Thursday Jeff and I filled out our census form and you just basically watched me open my mail. My driver's license is up for renewal in 2015, so get excited!

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26 comments :

  1. LOL--where do you keep those fabulous dolls? Prominently on the mantle, I hope.

    The fact that you have Annie and Alvie pictures in those frames solidifies the fact that you are my kind of people.

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  2. Ua Chuse LaMarche?
    I Choose LaMarche!

    We all choose Una LaMarche!

    *I have pompoms*

    Now back to the health care debate. CSPAN has never been so exciting!

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  3. I have a friend whose last name is MacManus. She easily weeds out the junk mail when she sees the envelopes addressed to "Ms. MacAnus".
    Don't even get me started on typos I see with my own name....

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  4. Filibustering all the way super smartness to a Michelle doll to Mrs. Satan. I say, you are entertaining.

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  5. I actually have a piece of the Berlin Wall, strange as that may sound ... maybe it's not as strange as a Mrs. Obama doll though.

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  6. I though tampering with mail was a federal offence... but maybe it's ok if we just peek over your shoulder and don't actually open it ourselves.

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  7. I especially enjoy the sparkly red leotards Mr. and Mrs. Satan are wearing. I would LOVE to see their jazz hands!

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  8. porcelain doll's have always creeped me out anyways... I kinda shutter thinking about the first lady in porcelain form.

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  9. I, too, saw an ad today from the Danbury's for the Michelle Obama dollin the Arts section of my Sunday paper.

    I plan to display my doll next to my stuffed squirrel and say to people who look at them, dumbfounded, "I KNOW. Isn't she totally Ua Chuse LaMarche?"

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  10. Al Pacino "UUU-AAA", complete with lower lip curl - definitely!

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  11. I like the name of the post-Weekend Mailbox

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  12. Sassy,

    Yes, i really agree that you are special.

    Keep it that way!!!

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  13. Oooh... A fellow Phi Beta Kappa-er. Cool beans! : )

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  14. Doll: so many types of WRONG.

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  15. Hi Sassy. Not sure about a collection of dolls. I suppose being male preclude me from it, but I do have a collection of Teddy Bears which I suppose at my age is slightly off beat. Regards Patrick

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  16. Hello im a new reader of your blog and apparently, i've been sucked in by your writings! Unknowingly somehow during a dark stormy midnight, i came across your blog all across the world from singapore and got addicted! Hahahaha keep up the good work! I love your daily posts!

    Love, Phoebe :)

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  17. Ua, you are very smart. Great post. Michele's doll has great biceps, doesn't it?

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  18. I'll be here for the 2015 renewal! :P

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  19. Dolls are creepy. Especially life-like dolls. I always imagine a scenario where I go to bed with the disconcerting feeling that its watching me and waking to find it standing over me with a pair of scissors.

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  20. I didn't know there was a Mrs. Satan! I don't know if Mrs. Obama would fit it in, but I'm sure the mint makes some dolls that would...

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  21. When your filler is still hilarious, you don't have much to worry about methinks.

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  22. Would that be an Inaugural Ball Doll?

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  23. I told my fiance that I need dolls to play with. he told me I'm too old. I told him that other people my age have them. I'm making him read this blog so he can see yours. I win. I totally win.

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  24. People (well, Americans) are always saying that Jesus and apple pie represent America. But actually, Jesus and Apple Pie are widely available in lots of other countries.

    Commemorative dolls however are pretty much a just America thing. In other countries people do not collect them. We do not get mail-order forms for them in our mailboxes. They are not available for purchase in Casino boutiques.

    That Michelle Obama doll is the most American thing I have ever seen in my entire life.

    I love it.

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  25. While I can't relate with having a first name as awesome as Una, a last name like Boehmcke is also cause for alarm. I wrote recently, http://boehmcke.blogspot.com/2010/03/m-as-in-monkey.html about how my last name has made me a stronger person, as I'm sure yours has. So strong that you can be a serial killer married to a gay man and not even sweat it. What courage! What panache!

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  26. This blog always cracks me up! Great humor.

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