Thursday, March 25, 2010

Slouching Towards Adulthood, Part One

Today I am uninspired, so I'll share with you the beginning of an essay I'm working on that chronicles my awkward, stumbling path towards a career (could a path of mine—anywhere—be anything BUT awkward and stumbling? Probably not...). Come with me, won't you, on a trip down memory lane, back to where all that "real life" bullshit started—at my college graduation.

Me (in pink flip flops), Jeff (behind me) and the gang at our 5 year reunion at Wesleyan in 2007.

I remember very little of my graduation from college, except that, in our bright red robes, we looked like a giant blood clot streaming down onto the football field, where we finally pooled, nervous and confused, at the feet of our proud relatives and stoic professors. I was marching behind a huge, stumbling sorority girl who said nothing but “Oh, shit. Oh shit!” under her breath as we waded into our seats. And then, as if we weren’t all edgy enough, someone had a seizure as the President made his opening remarks. She had to be carried away on a stretcher, restrained by paramedics, as we got to our feet to accept our diplomas. We watched as a piece of our clot was gingerly loaded - gown shining, tassle in-tact - into an ambulance, and then we graduated. Immediately after the ceremony I threw my gown away and climbed to the top of the psychology building. I stood on the roof, the toes of my sneakers stuffed into a crack in the ledge, and smoked a cigarette as I watched the last of the red dots disappear from the field. I stayed up there for over an hour, sucking down nicotine and contemplating the ramifications of ending college with an epileptic fit. It seemed to me to be a very bad sign.

To be continued...

But wait! There's more! Psych out!

BONUS:

Fun "30" Facts of the Day:

30 is the minimum age for United States senators. (Watch yo'self, Kirsten Gillibrand!)

According to Matthew 26:15, Judas Iscariot betrayed Jesus for 30 pieces of silver. (Is that, like, a lot?)

30 is also the code for international direct dials to Greece AND slang for pornography, since its roman numeral is XXX! (Those two facts are not related, that I know of. But I hear those Greeks are a kinky bunch.)
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31 comments :

  1. "we looked like a giant blood clot streaming down onto the football field"

    ahh you explain things so well lol!

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  2. "A giant blood clot.."
    nice one!

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  3. @Alle and Pat: Thank you! It's exactly what it looked like (I imagine) from above.

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  4. Our grad robes were black with red trim so topographically we looked like clotted blood.

    Convocation Coagulation 2008!

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  5. what?? thats terrible! I hope she was ok!

    I still remember my graduation ceremony...seems like 4 months ago....*sigh*

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  6. @Illustrious D: Nice! I bet the black made it look even more like a clot.

    @It's All Good: Yes, I should have said that she came back from the hospital in time to get her diploma!

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  7. She was right behind me when she had her seizure, and she made it back by the end to accept her diploma! Right after Jeff!!!

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  8. So in less than a month, you'll be able to widen your sphere of sassdom by running for senate, and add 30 to your name (wink), becoming just a little more Sassy, in a whole new way. Win win.

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  9. I don't smoke, but I can still imagine how good that cigarette tasted.

    I love your writing style, Sassy. The clot description is great. :)

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  10. Una, who's the cute thing you're all over? Is she single? I'd like to meet her.

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  11. Just started following...and I already LOVE your mind!

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  12. @RockNRoll: That was so scary! But great when she came back.

    @Gary: That is my friend Aileen. She is VERY cute, but unfortunately taken.

    @That Skye-I-Am: Aw, thanks! It's great to have you.

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  13. That was great. Can I have some more please? What happened next. At the party. And where were your family whilst you were sucking down nicotine on the roof. Standing below gazing proudly up at you and waving?

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  14. You are anything but uninspired.

    I am so excited to read more of this. I loved that spot on top of Judd Hall. (That's what she said?)

    Also, have you watched "Being Erica" on Soap Net? Kinda fun and unexpected. I want to be friends with her almost as I want to be friends with you.

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  15. 5 more years and we can run for President! Wanna challenge me?

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  16. Lou_Briccant6:21 PM

    Your blog is the only reason I crawl out of bed in the afternoon.

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  17. I will never look at red graduation robes the same way again.

    Looking forward to more of your, um, looking back.

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  18. You were channelling reality bites...complete with rooftop existential cigarette smoking. Love it.

    Oh, do you read the bloggess? she did an entire ode to duckie...i think you guys should become bff.

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  19. woke me up. thoroughly. and the greeks gave me something to chuckle about all day. nice! :)

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  20. Ahh yes,the seizure. That's the only thing I remember about our graduation.

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  21. I study latin at school, and we translated the part of the Aeneid when one of the characters mentions the greeks, followed by 'lock up your wives and your sons'.
    Because they were all flaming bisexuals back then.

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  22. Can't wait for more. You are embracing 30 in style, I must say. I graduated from college in 1971. It was hot...I wore shorts under my gown which caused some uptight moms to turn up their noses at me. I left on my hippie trip that afternoon which left my parents stunned. Good times.

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  23. I don't think I knew that you went to Wesleyan. Now I do! Smarty pants :).

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  24. I wonder what Freud would say about your blood clot analogy.

    http://ecstatictext.blogspot.com

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  25. Fab blog and I learned a LOT about 30! It was the best year for me, chronologically.

    http://lapoeticseamstress.blogspot.com

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  26. At the risk of sounding like a condescending old hag (I'm 43), most of the women I know stumbled through their 20s and very gradually hit their stride in their 30s. And 40s is awesome. For real. So the best is definitely yet to come, and since you rock already, I look forward to continuing to read this blog and see how much harder you'll rock the next decade.

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  27. Judas had a last name? Fascinating. I have always thought of him more as a Cher or Madonna type.

    Greeks are very kinky. A day aboard George's Boat (based out of Corfu) very clearly illustrated that fact. :)

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  28. Considering the Jews were really poor during the Roman occupation, yes, 30 silver would have been a ton of money.

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  29. Anonymous4:53 PM

    30 is also the way that journalists ended a story.

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