Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Scenes From a Marriage: The Truth About Elvis

Jeff: So I got some 18th century literature from Amazon.
Me: Oooh, fancy!
Jeff: Some 17th century, too. Like Don Quixote.

[Jeff takes a book out of its wrapping.]

Me: Ah, The Federalist Papers! In their original paperback form.
Jeff: Yes, bathroom sized!
Me: You shouldn't use your brain that hard when you're... trying to do other things.
Jeff: Yeah, you'll stroke out. [beat] That's how Elvis died.

If only he'd had Uncle John's Slightly Irregular Bathroom Reader or a good funnies page!

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15 comments :

  1. I'm sure the King's descendants will be pleased at the suggestion that his death was due to using his brain too hard at the wrong time. Or maybe not. Hmm.

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  2. These days people started reading or at least turing pages of books at the bathroom due to lack of time. Still the terms bathroom readers are funny.

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  3. Elvis died? Pretty sure I just saw him at Whole Foods buying organic peanut butter.

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  4. My husband and I had a "Jeff and Una" moment last night.

    I was in the kitchen, making risotto (look at me!) and my husband came home, walked straight into the bedroom, and walked out wearing a camouflage flight suit while singing "Danger Zone." He's going to a bachelor party this weekend that will involve paintball and, not wanting to destroying his favorite sweats, he went to an Army/Navy store after work and bought an effing FLIGHT SUIT!

    The two of us were on the floor laughing and I thought "this is so Jeff and Una" because even though I don't know you, I now attribute nauseatingly cute marital moments to you two.

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  5. Wait, Elvis is dead?

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  6. @Friar Steve: If Priscilla Presley reads this blog, I will shit and die (and NOT on the toilet)

    @Californian: Bathroom readers are full of useful miscellany, and the only reason I know the US capitals.

    @Chicken's: Elvis is like Richard Alpert from Lost; I think he time travels.

    @Colleen: Awwwwwww. That is the best. I love that you feel like you know us. And I LOVE the flight suit paintball uniform. Your hubby is a genius.

    @Museling: That's up for debate. I bet my bathroom reader has more info...

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  7. Whole Foods? I thought he was in a nursing home with a black John F. Kennedy fighting mummies....

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  8. you too crack me up!

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  9. Once again, you made me laugh just when I had given up on life and decided to join those nuns in France who make the Couvent des Minimes soaps you buy at Bath & Body Works.

    To paraphrase some 70s trailer for the film version of some Neil Simon comedy, "Thank you, Una, for making us laugh at life... again."

    PS. Visit my blog: http://www.imagesofheaven.blogspot.com/

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  10. Ahahahaha, I have the Uncle John books. They are actually quite a good way to learn new things. Sometimes only funny random things but things nonetheless. (:

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  11. How dare you say Elvis is dead! :O

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  12. Our bathroom book is "The Intellectual Devotional." I figure as long as we're in there anyway, we should use the time to learn something useful.

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  13. I love the Bathroom Readers! We have 3 and I follow the turn to a random page topic. Unfortunately the longer articles frequently lead to unfair accusations of air befouling from my husband, until I dazzle him with my random factoid knowledge.

    Side note, I also very much enjoy The Federalist Papers and have read it when not required to by a class.

    Una, you are on my list of ultimate cool people I strive to emulate, so I do get inappropriately excited when I have something in common with you.

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  14. OOOOOMG. Everytime I'm.... doing that and I have to strain in the slightest, I think about Elvis dying on the toilet.

    And then I think about the peanut butter/bacon/mayo/banana/heroin sandwiches he ate regularly and I think I'm proooobably all right.

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