Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Scenes From a Marriage: The Truth About Elvis

Jeff: So I got some 18th century literature from Amazon.
Me: Oooh, fancy!
Jeff: Some 17th century, too. Like Don Quixote.

[Jeff takes a book out of its wrapping.]

Me: Ah, The Federalist Papers! In their original paperback form.
Jeff: Yes, bathroom sized!
Me: You shouldn't use your brain that hard when you're... trying to do other things.
Jeff: Yeah, you'll stroke out. [beat] That's how Elvis died.

If only he'd had Uncle John's Slightly Irregular Bathroom Reader or a good funnies page!



  1. I'm sure the King's descendants will be pleased at the suggestion that his death was due to using his brain too hard at the wrong time. Or maybe not. Hmm.

  2. These days people started reading or at least turing pages of books at the bathroom due to lack of time. Still the terms bathroom readers are funny.

  3. Anonymous10:17 AM

    Elvis died? Pretty sure I just saw him at Whole Foods buying organic peanut butter.

  4. My husband and I had a "Jeff and Una" moment last night.

    I was in the kitchen, making risotto (look at me!) and my husband came home, walked straight into the bedroom, and walked out wearing a camouflage flight suit while singing "Danger Zone." He's going to a bachelor party this weekend that will involve paintball and, not wanting to destroying his favorite sweats, he went to an Army/Navy store after work and bought an effing FLIGHT SUIT!

    The two of us were on the floor laughing and I thought "this is so Jeff and Una" because even though I don't know you, I now attribute nauseatingly cute marital moments to you two.

  5. Wait, Elvis is dead?

  6. @Friar Steve: If Priscilla Presley reads this blog, I will shit and die (and NOT on the toilet)

    @Californian: Bathroom readers are full of useful miscellany, and the only reason I know the US capitals.

    @Chicken's: Elvis is like Richard Alpert from Lost; I think he time travels.

    @Colleen: Awwwwwww. That is the best. I love that you feel like you know us. And I LOVE the flight suit paintball uniform. Your hubby is a genius.

    @Museling: That's up for debate. I bet my bathroom reader has more info...

  7. Whole Foods? I thought he was in a nursing home with a black John F. Kennedy fighting mummies....

  8. you too crack me up!

  9. Anonymous2:31 PM

    Once again, you made me laugh just when I had given up on life and decided to join those nuns in France who make the Couvent des Minimes soaps you buy at Bath & Body Works.

    To paraphrase some 70s trailer for the film version of some Neil Simon comedy, "Thank you, Una, for making us laugh at life... again."

    PS. Visit my blog:

  10. Ahahahaha, I have the Uncle John books. They are actually quite a good way to learn new things. Sometimes only funny random things but things nonetheless. (:

  11. How dare you say Elvis is dead! :O

  12. Anonymous5:12 PM

    Our bathroom book is "The Intellectual Devotional." I figure as long as we're in there anyway, we should use the time to learn something useful.

  13. I love the Bathroom Readers! We have 3 and I follow the turn to a random page topic. Unfortunately the longer articles frequently lead to unfair accusations of air befouling from my husband, until I dazzle him with my random factoid knowledge.

    Side note, I also very much enjoy The Federalist Papers and have read it when not required to by a class.

    Una, you are on my list of ultimate cool people I strive to emulate, so I do get inappropriately excited when I have something in common with you.

  14. OOOOOMG. Everytime I'm.... doing that and I have to strain in the slightest, I think about Elvis dying on the toilet.

    And then I think about the peanut butter/bacon/mayo/banana/heroin sandwiches he ate regularly and I think I'm proooobably all right.


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