I'll post at some point in the future about my inability to cook anything that does not require elaborate preparation, but in the meantime, while we're on the subject, my dear friend has started a blog called Rock 'N' Roll Gourmet. It's snarky AND will teach you how to make a perfect duck breast. Check her out, y'all. She's good people. She's also hot. Bonus!
Anyway, I have a bunch of little random things that have been banging around inside my head these last few days, and since I don't have the focus to do a real post I thought I'd do a fancy bullet list. Not to be confused with my Bucket List, although some things do overlap. (Like Frank J. Lapidus, rrrrowr.)
- I've been reading a lot about Bachelor Jake (in such fine publications as UsWeekly and People), and I keep forgetting that THIS MAN IS A LICENSED COMMERCIAL AIRPLANE PILOT. First he picks Vienna, then he decides to go on Dancing With the Stars--does anyone trust this man's judgment? If I was on a flight and heard his name voice over the intercom, I would make for the nearest exit row. Seriously, I'd rather have Captain Frank J. Lapidus*.
*The pilot from Lost, who... well, let's just say the landing was not smooth.
- I was at my dad's the other night, and guess who lives under his TV stand. GUESS?!?
It's Troy, the alien dad from Out of This World, and future star of my documentary project "My Twelve Dads"! Sadly, I was not able to hear the voice of Burt Reynolds, no matter how loud I screamed, "It's ME, Dad! EVIE!"
- I am live-blogging the Oscars for The Huffington Post tomorrow night. I live-blogged last year and my mom was hilarious. She always, without fail, comments about how all famous actresses have enormous mouths. Good times.
I'll finish this Saturday Minutiae Madness off with a mini Scenes From a Marriage that happened last night (don't worry, no more Buckwheat, this is clean). To preface this, know that I'm always, always frigidly cold at all times.
SCENE: The marital bed. Friday night.
Me: (burrowing under the covers and wrapping myself around Jeff): Warm me!
Jeff: That's all you want? Warmth?
Me: If you're putting the moves on me, you should keep that in mind.
Jeff: (adopting Barry White voice) Oh, baby, I'm gonna get you some extra blankets and a sweatshirt.
Me: Oh, yeah.
Jeff: I'm gonna put a Hot Pocket in your pants.
Me: Nice euphemism.
Jeff: I'm gonna put some soup in your socks!
I hope this puts to rest any myths that married life is not scorching hawt. It's like Cream of Tomato in your slippers, y'all. It's like a Hot Pocket in yo' pants.