Saturday, March 6, 2010

Saturday Minutiae Madness!

Good morning, gorgeous readers! I have a busy day today, since I'm preparing for a small party for Jeff's upcoming 30th birthday tonight with his college roommates. Even though it's a small gathering I'm still going nuts because I can't ever make things easy on myself. True story: a few years ago for Jeff's birthday I decided to do a sort of Moroccan theme involving lamb, chicken, and veggie kebobs, only it was March and we have no outdoor space in which to grill. So I made kebobs for 14 people on my George Foreman. It took like 6 hours. Do not recommend.

I'll post at some point in the future about my inability to cook anything that does not require elaborate preparation, but in the meantime, while we're on the subject, my dear friend has started a blog called Rock 'N' Roll Gourmet. It's snarky AND will teach you how to make a perfect duck breast. Check her out, y'all. She's good people. She's also hot. Bonus!

Anyway, I have a bunch of little random things that have been banging around inside my head these last few days, and since I don't have the focus to do a real post I thought I'd do a fancy bullet list. Not to be confused with my Bucket List, although some things do overlap. (Like Frank J. Lapidus, rrrrowr.)
  • I've been reading a lot about Bachelor Jake (in such fine publications as UsWeekly and People), and I keep forgetting that THIS MAN IS A LICENSED COMMERCIAL AIRPLANE PILOT. First he picks Vienna, then he decides to go on Dancing With the Stars--does anyone trust this man's judgment? If I was on a flight and heard his name voice over the intercom, I would make for the nearest exit row. Seriously, I'd rather have Captain Frank J. Lapidus*.
*The pilot from Lost, who... well, let's just say the landing was not smooth.
  • I was at my dad's the other night, and guess who lives under his TV stand. GUESS?!?

It's Troy, the alien dad from Out of This World, and future star of my documentary project "My Twelve Dads"! Sadly, I was not able to hear the voice of Burt Reynolds, no matter how loud I screamed, "It's ME, Dad! EVIE!"
  • I am live-blogging the Oscars for The Huffington Post tomorrow night. I live-blogged last year and my mom was hilarious. She always, without fail, comments about how all famous actresses have enormous mouths. Good times.
I'll finish this Saturday Minutiae Madness off with a mini Scenes From a Marriage that happened last night (don't worry, no more Buckwheat, this is clean). To preface this, know that I'm always, always frigidly cold at all times.

SCENE: The marital bed. Friday night.
Me: (burrowing under the covers and wrapping myself around Jeff): Warm me!
Jeff: That's all you want? Warmth?
Me: If you're putting the moves on me, you should keep that in mind. 
Jeff: (adopting Barry White voice) Oh, baby, I'm gonna get you some extra blankets and a sweatshirt.
Me: Oh, yeah.
Jeff: I'm gonna put a Hot Pocket in your pants. 
Me: Nice euphemism.
Jeff: I'm gonna put some soup in your socks!

I hope this puts to rest any myths that married life is not scorching hawt. It's like Cream of Tomato in your slippers, y'all. It's like a Hot Pocket in yo' pants. 

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27 comments :

  1. Cream of tomato? It sounds like I have a lot to look forward to.

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  2. I love how true it is....I am always snuggling up and get "Get off me woman, I'm trying to sleep"

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  3. The Sassy-ism of the century... "Love is a Hot Pocket in your pants." 'Nuff said.

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  4. I don't know..."soup in your socks" is more alliteratively awesome.

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  5. My lovely man gave me the ultimate line " I'm gonna waller you out like an old mayonaise jar"

    hot stuff

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  6. Happy birthday to Jeff. :-) Today is my daughter's 13th birthday. She opted for the skating rink.

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  7. For someone my age, it's more like a hot flash in your....well, pretty much just a hot flash. And then ripping your jammies off, but for all the wrong reasons.

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  8. Lean Pockets really needs to consider this for their next ad campaign. Sales would shoot through the roof! (No pun intended.)

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  9. Not that I watch the Bachelor (wink wink). Too busy doing "Man" things. But seriously, isn't this guy a bigger drama queen than any of the women?

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  10. Ha! Love it. You almost make me think I wanna get married someday... almost.

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  11. Happy Birthday Jeff!!!

    I love parties.
    Planning them, not so much. What a great wife you are.

    Ok, a note about Minutiae.
    I do contract work for a company in another state. My contact is the prez of said company. I wrote her an email and employed the use of the word "minutiae".
    In her reply, she snarkily corrected my spelling to "minutia". Said what a big fan of spell check she was.

    Relished writing the reply where I had to break the news to her that she was in fact WRONG.

    A "cutabitch" moment if ever there was one.
    I'm the college drop out?!?

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  12. "Out of this World! I'm so glad someone remembers the pure awesomeness of that show.

    Your marital scene is extremely adorable. Gotta have a man that makes you laugh. And can do the Barry White voice.

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  13. A mash-up post, eh? Loved it. ;)

    This blog truly deserves the Blog of Note title. Kudos.

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  14. You guys arguing over what phrase of mine is the awesomest is pretty much making my day.

    And Recessionista, is that your roundabout way of informing me that not only have I used the wrong version of the word, but that I have also left out the 'i'? ;)

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  15. this has just sold me on the institute of marriage.

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  16. Holy shnikes!

    Did you leave out the i and use the wrong version?

    What a 'tard you must be.

    I really didn't even notice the missing vowel.
    For that matter, I had no idea "minutiae" was plural.

    I am the college dropout...

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  17. mmmmmmmm, soup slippers...

    So, I finally had time to read the ProjRo recap, and I just needed to pop back over here to applaud your use of the word merkin. It is one of my all-time favorite giggle words. You made my Saturday.

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  18. Some go boot-scootin' and some go buckwheatin' and some do the Hot Pockets!

    Very funny stuff...

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  19. Thanks a lot! Now I'm singing "Swinging on a Star" and humming to myself like a crazy person. This lasted for 45 minutes. Great!

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  20. Your bedroom scene reminds me of a very sweet sitcom moment. I wish we all could have more of those.

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  21. Does this mean you could be swingin' on a star?

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  22. hot pocket, that's funny

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  23. Now that tv show song is in my head, "would you like to swing on star, (inaudible)moonbeans come in a jar...."LOL

    Tiffany
    http://liferequiresmorechocolate.blogspot.com/

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  24. HAHAHA! Your posts are hilarious :))
    You give insomniacs like me a good reason to be awake at 11pm.

    ~Bunny.
    http://onegoldenafternoon.blogspot.coma

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  25. As someone who isn't truly ever comfortable until the temperatures rise into the upper 80's, you've just warmed my cockles!

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  26. We aren't even married yet...I snuggle up and get "Go to sleep Rhonda Marie" in a decidedly authoritative tone. I may or may not have misspelled words. I also may or may not care.

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  27. Before I start in on this, I want you all to know that, yes, I am a hideous troll, passing judgment on others while wearing glasses and fat pants and spot-treating my adult-onset acne with Persa-Gel. The real reason I mock celebrities' fashion choices is because I want to be them. Glad that's out of the way.


    I love this! Lol you are too funny.

    I like to make fun of peoples outfits too...I mean hey if it amuses you and you find it funny...laugh.

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