So I'm not sure you guys all know this, but I'm Jew-ish. Not Jewish, but Jew-ish, like, kind of. Going by my ancestors I think I'm 1/4 Jew, 1/2 lapsed Catholic, and 1/4 some kind of noncommittal white trashy Protestant. My mother is only half Jewish by blood (and not even officially, because the bloodline was passed through her dad, which doesn't count to conservative Jews) but has morphed over the years into a full-fledged Jewish mother. Every year she throws "The Seder for the Marginally Jewish," in which religious half-breeds of all ages come together to get bombed on non-kosher wine and skip over the Hebrew parts of the Womanist Haggadah because no one knows how to pronounce anything and besides, we're already drunk. It's super fun. The prophet Elijah doesn't usually show up, but sometimes we'll get a stray cat.
Anyway, last Thursday after watching Project Runway I made some off-the-cuff comment to my friends that I should write a Project Runway Haggadah in honor of Passover, and promised as much on my recap for The Huffington Post. Now, of course, I am kicking myself, because not only is this an overwhelming undertaking that I don't have the Sunday night attention span for, but it also has the potential to offend an entire people. So here is my cop-out; I hope you enjoy. Happy Pesach!
The Make It Work Mah Nishtana (The Four Questions)
What makes this season different from all [other] seasons?
1) Why in all other seasons do we not show the HP netbook even once, but in this season we do every fucking episode?
2) Why in all other seasons does Tim Gunn seem like he truly cares, while in this season he shows up looking either half in the bag or ready to cut a bitch and even wore jeans once? JEANS?!
3) Why in all other seasons is Heidi pregnant, but in this season... wait, nevermind.
4) Why in all other seasons do we watch sitting upright or reclining, but this season we DVR because there is usually a really good CSI rerun on?
Up next... the ANTM bible! Just kidding, I'm done with reality theology. Please excuse me while I go feed my gefilte fish.