Sunday, March 7, 2010

Oscars: The Live Blog

Tonight, starting at the very first glimpse of Ryan Seacrest's sparkling veneers, I will be live-blogging the Oscars for The Huffington Post. I'll link to it as soon as I start.

UPDATE: Live blog is up here.

In the meantime, can we discuss the fact that Oscar is holding a pointy sword directly over his balls?


Academy Awards legend has it that a woman named Margaret Herrick, who was then working as the Academy's film librarian, commented back in 1928 that the gold statuette looked just like her Uncle Oscar. "Oh, that Oscar," she said. "He's a nudist with alopecia; looks just like Yul Brynner, only without ears. Always standing on film canisters, covering his penis with a sword... when I last visited him in the asylum he was making keychains out of gimp!"

I still totally want one, though.
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12 comments :

  1. I got to hold an Oscar once. I lived in LA and was a nanny at the time and we went over to someone's house for a playdate and there it was on the mantle. It was for best documentary or short or something--I think the father was a producer. When nobody was looking, I picked it up, just to say I had. It's true what they say: those things are heavy!

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  2. Hopefully you don't have Cablevision.

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  3. . . . Perhaps Uncle Oscar was a self-imposed eunuch? . . . I once had a cousin Stan (who may have actually been my uncle [dirty family secrets, you know]) who preferred to wear women's clothing, chose homelessness as a lifestyle and was sure the CIA was after his thoughts . . . I wish they'd give awards in his likeness . . .

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  4. That is so cool! I love the Huffington Post, and I will be sure to check out your blog!

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  5. Okay, my laptop is out of juice, so I keep running to my computer during the commercials to see what you wrote about it. You are KILLING me, KILLING ME!! You are making the Oscars so much better. Why don't they have you there in a close-captioned box? WHY!?!

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  6. Oscars are just a bunch of overpaid people patting each other on the back anyways. ;)

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  7. I'm looking forward to your post-Oscar poop Sassy...

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  8. Awesome job
    I was totally confused when Tom Hanks came out, and announced The Hurt Locker. Took me a moment to realize he was giving the award for Best Picture.

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  9. Hi there Sassy Curmudgeon...I just found your blog and I'm in love. You crack me up every time I visit! Perhaps if I can read you everysingledayoftheweek, I'll get myself out of this winter-rut! Thanks! :D

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  10. Damn, woman! You are funny!! I'm new to this whole blog thing and after reading your words, I suddenly GET it. The world of blogging just crystalized for me. Seeing Charlize Theron's dress reminded me of a word that a friend of mine and I came up with: manippleate. We define it as the intentional act of physically or emotionally titillating another.

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