Monday, March 8, 2010

Oscar Fashion: Charlize Theron is Breast to Impress

I'll do my full Oscar fashion rundown this evening (live-blogging last night left me totally spent!), but here's a taste to tide you over.


When I first saw this, I thought: boob roses! They remind me of the Red Queen's roses in Alice in Wonderland (the Disney cartoon; I haven't seen the new one yet). Can't you just see her seethe? "WHO'S BEEN PAINTING MY ROSES AUREOLA-COLORED?!"

Dude, Charlize, we all know where your boobs are. Well, at least those of us who are not adolescent boys know where they are. The rest might need some help, in which case your dress would serve as a handy guide, but that is neither here nor there nor appropriate.

Also, why are you lookin' all bedroom-eyed in the above photo? You look awful confident for someone sporting chest labia. Maybe those aren't roses at all... is the Pink Panther is feeling you up from behind?

More titillating observations to follow... (Ha! I said 'tit.')
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32 comments :

  1. i didn't watch the oscars, but this was the first pic i saw when checking out the news this morning. pretty color, but what was she thinking???

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  2. I haaated that dress. Why do you need the proverbial neon signs pointing to your breasticles? WHY?

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  3. "What's in a name? That which we call a boob by any other name would smell as sweet"
    -William Shakespeare (from the original draft of Romeo and Juliet)

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  4. I thought the same thing! Boob roses! Great Blog!

    -Ashley, The Frugalista

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  5. That is what I thought! Boob Roses! Great Blog!

    Ashley- The Frugalista

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  6. Awkward boob-roses/panther-hands aside, the gown itself was gorgeous- epsecially the train. But seriously, all anyone can focus on is her chest, it distracts from literally everything else in that entire picture- including her face (and also the fact that there's a random lady totally invading the photo-op behind her, ha)

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  7. OMG lolzzzzz. Pink Panther feeling her up from behind. Ridiculously accurate.

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  8. ...and this is why I love your blog.

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  9. I actually like the Peacock-lady's dress better in the background.

    All I could think was "Chesticles"

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  10. @Hipstercrite: Yeah, inevitably some actress does this once a year and I am forced to wonder, why, m'lady, must you point neon signs at your nipples?

    @Inflammatory writ: Breasticles! Ha!

    @Christopher: Aureole, aureole, wherefore art though, Aureole?

    @Frugalistas: Thanks, Ashley! Boob roses 4eva!

    @Miss Morgan: Actually, you're right -- the more angles I see the more I think it could have been gorgeous with a different bodice.

    @M: It's like the deflated Macy's Thanksgiving Parade balloon Pink Panther. I hear he's a perv.

    @Van Slammy: Well, that is why I love YOU. Thanks!

    @Wendybob: Chesticles. Ha! (I am an adolescent boy today.)

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  11. We died laughing everytime we saw her last night! We kept thinking it reminded us of a feminine version of Madonna's cone bra.
    Love the Pink Pather feeling her up from behind! hahahaha :)

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  12. Ummm... she's hot,and she looks hot.Do I detect a little jealousy?Does your husband enjoy The Italian Job just a little too much?(that goes for all you other ninnies too.Oh, and George Clooney looked like crap-but I'M not jealous.

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  13. boob roses... HAHA! I was thinking that when looking at the picture before reading on..and the Alice in wonderland reference. you make me laugh daily!

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  14. Oh, Etay, this is just for fun. Of COURSE Charlize is amazingly hot.

    And thanks, Alle!

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  15. Okay,okay,just got a little worked up.I'm touchy about my obsessions.(And Clooney is a total fox.)

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  16. This dress was the only one my husband commented on during the whole show, granted he hated the dress but he noticed it.

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  17. I noticed a lot of so-called fashionistas praised Theron for her dress choice, but I'm with you. I thought it was totally uncool. The roses thing was the dress's downfall. Otherwise, she looked good.

    Best dressers of the eve? Demi, Sandra, and Bigelow.

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  18. Charlize Theron is gorgeous but not even she can pull this off. Wait, nevermind - have her pull it off!
    She might as well have gone to the Oscars with a hot guy's hands covering her assets.

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  19. Hated it!!! Looks like Miss. Piggy holding her boobies.

    Tiffany
    http://liferequiresmorechocolate.blogspot.com/

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  20. Just passing through! I see on your profile page though that you like indie music, maybe you'd enjoy my blog...

    http://UGottaHearThis.blogspot.com

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  21. I love Charlize, the whole time I just wanted to reach up and grab her boobies....and I'm strait.

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  22. I couldn't agree more - I wish her name rhymed with boob so I could give her a funny nickname - I really tried.

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  23. Charlize walks on the red carpet, and gay men everywhere run screaming from their TV sets!

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  24. "Boob roses" were the first thing my friend and I yelled as soon as we saw those suckers. How could she put this dress on and think, "This is the one!"? I also have to comment on her bright red lipstick with a mauve dress. She's a gorgeous woman, but this was a train wreck ensemble.

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  25. Haha Boob Roses.. I was thinking (Forgive me if I mis spell it) Teela.. from He-Man.. but Boob Roses are just the name. Thanks. I enjoyed the Boob Roses outta this.

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  26. Charlize's gown is making all the worst dressed lists but I kinda like it...it's sort of tacky and sometimes that's fun. I also really thought Nicole Ritchie looked 1970's cute.

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  27. Yeah... Not the best option, mainly because those roses seem to be suffering some sort of gravity pull...

    Anyhoo, Tim Burton's "Alice in Wonderland 3D" is a visual treat. I bow before the Burton. :)

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  28. Ditto on hating Miley Cyrus, she just looks like a horse. And I also agree with that purple dress, it looks as if she was suppose to be in a parade of some sort. I'm glad I read all of these, they made me laugh.

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  29. Here's another theory I've come across.....
    http://notgoingpostal.com/2010/03/09/oscar-night-at-the-glendale-galleria/

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  30. You know those people, the ones who advise the stars on which events to go to, etc? Did she pay hers so much, that no honesty is allowed? That dress was ick-tastic!

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  31. Yeah, like paint-by-numbers porn gone bad. We know where they are.

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  32. I sense a Madonna-cone-booby envy stage happening with Charlize. Poor girl. No matter how sad and teeny your girls may be, do not adorn them with the equivalent of flashing lights

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