Also, I had my giant-ass bag, which is really an overnight bag that I carry like a regular purse. I like it because I can stick novels, umbrellas, sandwiches, and shoes in it, but you know what it's not good for? Dancing. It is, like, impossible to do the Roger Rabbit with an albatross like that yoked to your shoulder. It swings like Poe's pendulum, full of half-eaten Subway $5 footlong, threatening to knock over the skinny, non-turtlenecked, well-dressed people who thought ahead to bring those chic, tiny clutches that can only fit a junior tampon, a Xanax, and a few folded bills.
Me, only less well-dressed and carrying 10 pounds of tuna, sneakers, and Mary Karr.
I like to think that if I had dressed up and brought the kind of purse you can only see under a microscope, things would have been different. But I think we all know that's not true.