Check out the view from my toilet. Can you spot all of the classic movie stars watching me pee?
(Here's a handy visual aid.)
Click to enlarge.
P.S. Jeff points out that I have blogged about inanimate objects watching me urinate before. Whatever, Martha, I will never stop finding it funny. Also, Santa had a camera. And also, they're watching you too. Which means I might have to cutabitch, cause no one—but NO ONE—checks out my husband's junk.
(Fast-forward to tonight. Jeff's all, "Honey... why was the shower curtain slashed with what seems to be the ragged, discarded lid of a can of tuna?" Me: "Ventilation, babe.")
Oh my gawd. I am laughing my ass off. You're hilarious.
ReplyDeleteDude, I wish Cary Grant would watch me shower. Or I'd watch him shower (oddly enough, common search words for my blog are "Cary Grant necrophilia").
ReplyDeleteThis is precisely why I won't try clothing on at stores- I am sure there is some creeper watching me on camera in a back room doing dirty things to himself... (Look at me tooting my own horn, as if I am THAT hot.)
ReplyDeleteDude. Here's a James Dean quote, with YOU in mind . . .
ReplyDelete"Being an actor is the loneliest thing in the world. You are all alone with your concentration and imagination, and that's all you have. unless you're on a shower curtain, facing the toity, and there's a woman, just sitting there."
Sarah, my dad is convinced beyond normal rationale that there are rapists around every corner, and they all want a piece of this action. He's always sending me "THINGS FOR EVERY WOMAN TO KNOW SO SHE CAN PROTECT HERSELF" e-mails. (I roll my eyes and pretend I delete them immediately, but I read all of them.) One said if you put your fingernail against a mirror, you can tell if it's a camera. If there's space between your finger and the reflection of your finger, it's just a mirror. No space = no undressing. I don't know if it's true -- no doubt the research project of highly paranoid and possibly schizophrenic person -- but I've tested it a few times. No cameras yet...
ReplyDeleteOMG! I've peed and showered with the exact same crowd watching me!! I housesat once for someone who has the same shower curtain. Spooky!
ReplyDeleteAnd isn't the classy dude looking away Vincent Price??
OMG! I've showered and peed with the same group of dead people. I housesat once for someone who has the exact same shower curtain. Spooky!
ReplyDeleteAnd isn't the classy dude looking away Vincent Price??
I appreciate living my life as though Christopher Walken's character from SNL is watching me through a two way mirror while I am drinking "champ-pan-yuh". Maybe I should get this shower curtain you speak of, I can get drunk and pretend I am in a steamy shower scene with ... oh, yeah, dead guys.
ReplyDeleteFrickin' hilarious!LMAO! Good thing you didn't have a Tiger Woods shower curtain...you'd been in the news as a Cheat-ah Girl with the others.
ReplyDelete@Dee: Thank you for validating my hunch that this was funny :)
ReplyDelete@Hipstercrite: That is so creepy and yet also, I feel, kind of awesome. How do you check the phrases people use to find your site?
@Sarah: He totally is, because you are that hot.
@Fragrant Liar: OMG. I love helping people feel less lonely while on the toilet.
@Rebekah: I don't understand the finger trick, so I will just always assume there IS a camera and do a sexy dance while I try stuff on.
@Northern: YES, Vincent Price. He knows how to treat a lady with her pants down.
@TheDrunkMommy: I love how you live your life!
@MommaFargo: Yeah, he's never done it for me. One of my few sound judgments!
Hmm, I'm thinking I need to get me a more colorful shower curtain now!
ReplyDeleteMark me down as another one with the same shower curtain...Walmart, quite a few years ago.
ReplyDeleteIn my world, I am totally convinced that Rick Moranis is coming to get me and take me to Canada.
ReplyDeleteyour blog never fails to cheer me up. thanks for turning what could have been a crappy day into a funny one. :)
ReplyDeleteThey had it coming.
ReplyDeletecame across your page and think it is quite charming. love your style of writing...real and charismatic.
ReplyDeleteThat is fabulous! FAB-U-LOUS!!!
ReplyDeleteDang this curtain is so hip, how much did it cost?
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't mind Clark Gable leering at me while I showered. He could even growl a little. I wouldn't mind.
ReplyDeleteHaha! again , I don't know how you do this to me but I now find myself scrolling down my followed blogs till I see yours to read first you're are just Hilarious!!
ReplyDeleteMy shower curtain is just plain old black. I'm jealous, I want something interesting. Maybe a 1984 curtain that says "Big Brother is Watching". Actually I don't know if I could handle that.
ReplyDeleteGirl, you are a strange chick.
ReplyDeleteYou mam are dangerously funny. Keep posting :)
ReplyDeleteCheers from Canada
Your dangerously hilarious. Do keep posting. :)
ReplyDeletei have site meter on my blog. there is an option to check blog referrals. do you have site meter?
ReplyDeleteI bet Marilyn's all giggling with knock-knees 'cause she has to pee too. Gawd! -- poor celebs. When they've gotta go, *everybody* knows it.
ReplyDeleteI want a shower curtain with Colin Firth ALL OVER IT.
so very very strange :-)
ReplyDeleteyou are hysterical! I needed a laugh today..thank you!
ReplyDeleteOMG I've been sick for like ten days solid, and have fallen way behind on your blog! Can't believe I missed the movie stars watching you pee... that is classic. The pic's kinda blurry (and pleated, being a shower curtain and all), but I labeled all the stars I could recognize. (Yeah, I took your How many stars can you spot? thing waaaaay too literally, so what!)
ReplyDelete