Brace yourselves--the 30 posts, they are a-comin'. After all, I'm now less than three weeks from the big day, and while I'm not particularly worked up about it (meaning I'm not fearing it in the least, except maybe for the fear that I am now too old to throw myself a decent party. I'm just so tired all the time... can't we all just order in Chinese and watch Fletch?) I do feel the need to thoroughly document it here on my little piece of Internet real estate (in the grand scheme of the web, my blog is surely a water-damaged studio walk-up).
So. I never made any promises to myself about the things I would do before I turned thirty. In retrospect I wish I had. I could have made a list with challenges like "Eat own weight in Bugles" or "Watch more than twelve hours of television in one day," and handed myself an easy victory. I guess at least I'm not saddled with directives from my clueless just-out-of-college self to own my own house or have published a novel, but now that I'm almost to the big 3-0 I find myself wanting some kind of list to check off. So, I present to you, 30 things I will NOT do in the next three weeks.
1. Finally learn how to do a cartwheel (like I said, I'm tired, and at the age where my legs don't go over my head... that's what she said.)
2. Get a graduate degree. (If I'm lucky, I may never need one.)
3. Have children. (My eggs are too busy drinking right now.)
4. Get six-pack abs. (Unless there is a beer called "Abs." OMG, gold mine. There's my first million, right there. Quick, who knows how to make hops?)
5. Travel the world. (Except vicariously through The Amazing Race.)
6. Make a shitload of money. (Keep clicking on those ads, though. Momma needs a new filling in her upper first molar!)
7. Learn how to straighten my hair. (What's the point? It's totally gay.)
8. Learn how to make hospital corners. (Mom, you did not fail me; I am just lazy.)
9. Bungee jump. (Look what it did to Jake Pavelka, guys--HE PICKED VIENNA!)
10. Finish epic lists. (JK, I'll finish this at some point before my birthday.)