Monday, February 1, 2010

You Know It's True... Everything I Do... I Do It For You (A Very Special Episode of The Sassy Curmudgeon)

This post is long overdue but its lateness makes it, sadly, very in character. (True story: I once kept a book on Emperor Tiberius out of the Brooklyn Public Library for over four years. They made me pay $60 and then I got to keep it. Um... score?)

Anyway, on January 20 Blogger made me a Blog of Note (a title given out to a different blog each weekday) and since then I've gotten a ton of new readers. I'm not like Perez Hilton or anything, but for me it's been huge. I'm continually amazed that people I do not know personally have any interest in my little rants and raves and drunken awards show live-blogs and unibrow photos and embarrassing anecdotes (part of me will always be convinced that you are all my Mom using various aliases) and I thank you from the bottom of my curmudgeonly little heart. Every single comment I get makes my day better, and even if you don't ever comment I so appreciate you being here. I guess what I'm trying to say is...

I might as well reveal to you now that I am secretly a big old sap. I teared up during the Jersey Shore episode when Snooki got punched in the face and all of her housemates suddenly gathered around her and iced her jaw and realized she was an actual human being instead of just a sepia-colored Bratz doll in a trucker hat. I can't watch the movie Ghost anymore because I always end up severely dehydrated from hysterical weeping at the end when Molly finally sees Sam and he touches her face and tells her he'll always love her and she says "Ditto." Anyway, I'm just trying to apologize, basically, for getting all mushy up in here when I'm supposed to be making you laugh. Tears of a clown, y'all. Tears of a clown.

Okay, anyway, I want to say a few special thank-yous before I get off of my little soap box o' love this morning.

#1 Thank you to my die-hard readers

This means you, peeps who have been following my blog since 2006. Many of you in this category are my friends and family, and while I know I make a lot of self-deprecating jokes about how blood relatives and bosom buddies are my base audience, I'm going to drop some realness here and say that you are EXTRA special for reading. Actually knowing me in real life means that you don't have to read my blog; it's like I force you to read a mini Christmas newsletter every single day about the minutiae of my life when you could just as easily call me on the phone. So the fact that you continue to read (especially when I write about you and/or tell you things you didn't want to know about my ladyparts) and support me in this touches me (in a totally appropriate way) more than you can know. And if you are NOT a friend or family member and you've been reading since the early days, you are amazing, because God only knows how you found this blog in the first place, not to mention put up with my uneven quarter life crisis posts and doctored photos of Supreme Court justices.

To all of my loyal readers (all two dozen of you) I present this trophy, which is amazingly shaped like a bust of Christopher Walken:


It's the "A Walken To Remember" award, to commemorate that time we fell in love even though I was the pastor's daughter and you were the popular but rebellious bad boy and I had terminal leukemia. YOU COMPLETE ME.

#2 Thank you to my new readers

Whether you found my blog through Blog of Note, the Huffington Post, or other people's blog rolls, I'm so jazzed to have you here (yeah, I said "I'm so jazzed." I might also be wearing scrunch socks and a side ponytail, but you don't know because you can't see me.) Every time I get a new reader, Samantha Baker makes out with Jake Ryan while leaning over a birthday cake—yes, it is that magical. I hope you stick around, and if you have any questions for me please leave them for me in the comments. I love nothing more than to answer reader questions (although I have only gotten one to date).

To all of you new followers and readers and commenters, I present you with this crappy Photoshop job award, which is Mickey Rourke drinking champagne and holding a golden mask:


You get "The Mickey" award because even though your faces are completely unrecognizable to me you are still undeniably awesome. YOU ROCK.

#3 Thank you to Jeff

Despite my many mis-rememberings of our conversations and ceasless airing of my literal and figurative dirty laundry, Jeff has never commented on the blog to defend himself (or to claim he doesn't know me and that he is a fictional character created by my uncontrollable schizophrenia). He reads the blog every day and checks my visitor statistics to excitedly tell me how much traffic I'm getting. He is my absolute perfect match and I love him forever, honest to blog.

Jeffrey, you get the "I'm Not A Witch, I'm Your Wife!" award. Take a look at our future, honey:


Okay, I'm done. Seriously, thank you. And to all of my fellow bloggers out there (especially new ones), don't be afraid to send me your links. I'd be honored to be able to return the favor and read about you.
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77 comments :

  1. Congratulations, darlin!

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  2. Congratulations on becoming a "Blog of Note" - it is well-deserved. You literally make me LOL with each and every blog post.

    Speaking of, I think it's hysterical that we both included Long Duk Dong in our Project Runway recaps this week (we are so funny!). Although I wish I would have remembered "Hello Sexy Girlfriend!!!" like you did.

    XOXOXOXOXO

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  3. MrsSmith12:33 PM

    Since I would be dead curious to know who my readers were, if I had a blog, I thought I'd let you know that you have one Michigan housewife, whose husband is in the Coast Guard, who found you through your Project Runway Huffington Post recaps, and who apparently writes in run-on sentences, as your newest devoted reader.

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  4. I found you through 'blogs of note', and I heart you. I was snorting quietly to myself trying not to wake hubby or baby last night when I should have been sleeping. I promise to dredge through your archives and adore you even more as soon as I get 2 free seconds :-)

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  5. Una - If you keep writing sentences like this: "You get "The Mickey" award because even though your faces are completely unrecognizable to me you are still undeniably awesome." I will not only keep reading this blog but will stay your friend a little longer than I otherwise would if you do something weird to me. Which you never would. Unless you think it would make a funny blog post. In which case I would forgive you if it was clever enough. And here here on the Jeff front. I don't know that Fipp would be as forgiving. To Mrs. Smith I say - welcome to the family!

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  6. I recently found your blog through the blogs of note, and I am now hooked. They make me laugh, (as did the few in your archives that I have had time to meander through.) And whatever helps keep me off the clock tower with a rifle has to be a good thing, right?!?! Yeah, i'm totally kidding. I just wanted to end this comment in the most uncomfortable and creepy way possible. (successsssss!) But seriously, funny, love it, congrats on blogs of note.

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  7. New reader, impressed by the content! Keep it up!

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  8. I'm a new reader! I won a Mickey! Here's my movie blog: ecstatictext.blogspot.com

    Ur doing a great job keep it up!

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  9. Grats on being a note worthy blog! thanks for the Micky and I too need to award my hunny the 'I'm not a witch I'm your wife' award. Mind if I borrow your idea? I found by randomly clicking the 'next blog' button. rather new to the whole blogging thing and I'm liking it. Keep up the good work!

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  10. I randomly clicked on Blogs of Note to see what popped up. I couldn't resist popping by once I saw the title The Sassy Curmudgeon. I somehow thought someone with the word Curmudgeon in their blog title must be a kindred spirit.

    Seems you gotta a lotta spunk and humor, and I like that. ;) I love the Walken to Remember and I'm Not a Witch I'm Your Wife Awards. I'm very glad for my own significant other's tolerance of my frequent abuse and misuse of his name and chronicling of our quirky relationship.

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  11. i thought I snuck in here unobtrusively. Now I feel like the new girl who started laughing and accidentally farted. But, I do love the Mickey Rourke. I want to make a purse out of his lips.

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  12. Holy crap! Congratulations! You definitely deserve it. YEAH!

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  13. Hmmm. Well, I feel that I might sort of fit into two categories. I did find your blog through Huffington Post. But also... I feel like I've been reading your blog from the beginning because I've been reading it BACKWARDS... back INTO the beginning. I. Can't. Stop. Can't stop til I get enough. Which will probably be never.

    Also, it's freakishly weird that you quoted Sixteen Candles (and specifically the "argyle sweater, red shoes, no he's not retarded" quote) because I had JUST quoted that before reading your PR recap. It freaked me out a little, not gonna lie :).

    Your die hard follower forever,
    Megan
    www.runningstitch.typepad.com

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  14. congrats on being a blog of note! you truly deserve it because you have just enough self deprecation and dry wit in your blog to make it a cut above the rest.
    keep up the great work :D!

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  15. I found you through blogs of note, and I was instantly hooked. You're a great writer and I'm thrilled to have found your blog. Whoo-hoo!

    http://reneetbouchard.blogspot.com

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  16. I found your blog the old fashioned way...random surfing. Now I'm lost of course...I've got to find a way back to mine...

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  17. Ooooh!! I haz a MICKEH!!

    It's being printed out and put on my bedroom wall as we speak.

    You think I'm joking dontya...

    Dontya...

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  18. After finding your blog through 'Blogs of Note', I laughed so hard I cried at your post about girl scout cookies. Subsequently I had to send it to almost every single person I know. You are amazing! The ability to make someone laugh uncontrollably at words on a page is a rare gift, and you have it! Thanks for the laughter!

    Having just started a blog myself, your consistently hysterical posts inspire me to continue. Thanks again.

    Rainey
    www.raineywithachanceofsunshine.blogspot.com

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  19. I check out the Blogs of Note regularly and have an awful lot of "meh" reactions, but every once in a while they feature one that keeps me coming back.

    Your blog is definitely not meh. Consider me a happy new fan.

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  20. i'm happy to be a new reader because i love to laugh and you are humour-ific.
    Also it saves me from minutes of my day that might have to be alloted for work and/or things not of a procrastinating nature.
    I accept this award and thank all the little people that got me where i am today - namely the blog of note (or w/e its called). Justin Timberlake for bringing sexy back (thank you colbert) and green tea for allowing me the will to live each day ;)

    *cue the vaudeville play off tune*

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  21. Found you through Blog of Note; I check a lot of 'em out, and most of them I don't care to come back to. Just wanted you to know that my following your blog means you're bloody hilarious. I likes. :)

    theginabean2 dot blogspot dot com

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  22. Yup I'm a baby blogger. Completely new to this whole thing and I think I found you on Blogs of Note or stole you off someones blog roll. Any way I absolutely love it/you. You crack me up all the time. so I shall remain your devoted blog follower.xxx

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  23. You make me laugh out loud....and I can't help but love the simplicity of signing onto the internet for outrageous, mood-blowing humor. I'm a new reader, but I'm an easy reader. Whoop whoop!

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  24. Yeah, like a few others, I came across you randomly one day when I had nothing better to do but repeatedly hit the "Next Blog" button. It was the lovely background artwork (yours?) and (I'm not gonna lie) the unibrow that caught my eye. Now I'm hooked, and your PR recaps are to die for! (I pushed you onto my sis and hooked her too) Your blog takes me back to a place I'd rather forget (ahem, the 80s & 90s). Thanks for all the laughs!

    http://oneblondegirl.blogspot.com/

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  25. Congrats on being a blog of note...and you're welcome. I am now torn between listening to Bryan Adams over and over, or watching Sixteen Candles....so thanks!

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  26. That's awesome! I've been reading your blog since the middle of 2009 I think? It's definitely my favorite "personal blog". My tv show blog kind of fizzled out... not the right audience for it. But I do have a personal blog that focuses on being an anglophone living in Montreal. Until right now the only people who know about it are my facebook friends.

    http://montreal-summer.livejournal.com/

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  27. I found your blog recently by clicking on the helpful 'next blog' link. You know for every 100 whammy's that come along, there is one that truly gets my attention. So the three hours of procastinating each day is TOTALLY worth it. I'm new to the blog world and I hope I stumble on more like yours. Your sense of humor is just... beyond words. I enjoy immensely. I'll definitely be following you (in the non-creepy way, of course.)
    http://texitoba.blogspot.com/

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  28. Just wanted to say thanks for writing. Your blog is truly hilarious.
    Cheers :)

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  29. I found your blog from the "Blogs of Note" section and I'm SO glad. You are hilarious. I can't seem to get enough :)

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  30. Aw, you GUYS. I swear I wasn't fishing for compliments with this post, but now I shall feast on your compliment-fish for months.

    I will check out all of your blog links this week. Can't wait!

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  31. i have only just started following your blog, but i am pretty much convinced it is the best thing since... ever (i cant even come up with something witty to compair it to). i had my bff hooked after she read your run in with malcome mcdowell.
    and since you asked, i be honored if you ever felt like popping over at my blog... i promise i try to reign in the "mommy" aspect of it, but my kid is cute & sometimes i cant help but talk about her.
    anyway, keep up the great work!!!

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  32. i love the movie references...priceless!

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  33. You are so funny, talented and your imagination in the use of words made me chuckle and snort! Just found you on Blogs of Note. and I'm happy I did. I will definetly search you out so I can enjoy your wild & witty humor.

    I have been looking at Blogs, cause I began one on Thursday and am wanting to learn about backgrounds, etc. ITs not much yet! but getting there.

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  34. I'm a friend of Anna's. I met you at Tom and Anna's wedding--my husband Scot was a groomsman. I was the one with the baby. Anna told me around Christmas that I would like your blog and she is right--I LOVE it. And I've passed it on to all the smart funny people I know because I know they'd love it too. You're lucky that I didn't discover the blog before I met you, because I would have totally wanted to talk your ear off about this post or that one and it might have been a little scary. Anyway, I thoroughly enjoy each post. Congrats on the recognition!

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  35. You are such a talented writer, I laugh a lot while reading your blog. Keep it up and if you havent written a book yet, please do cause I'd read it.

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  36. I never look at Blogs of Note. For whatever reason I did the other day and BAM! I feel like you're my long lost twin...or the one that mother may have dumped intentionally and I just discovered you by some twist of fate.

    You're awesome.
    Love,
    Shalayne

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  37. Thank goodness for Blogs of Note, because you wouldn't be my current girl crush right now if they hadn't featured you.
    Unibrow and all.

    http://fromabrookside.blogspot.com

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  38. Chrisy in Chicago8:51 PM

    I accept the Mickey Award on behalf of myself. Thank you for recognizing my ability to detect exceptional writing.

    Seriously though, it's easy to come back to your blog because you are awesomely funny and tell a great written story. I'm glad I found you and I'll be back for more - count on it!

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  39. I won a Mickey, but I want a Walken. (Some people are just never happy, no?) I may have found you through BON, but it feels like I've been lurking around here longer.

    I love your unibrow picture. I had Laverne DaFazio hair and Mr. Ed front teeth at that age, so I commiserate.

    I love your movie references, I love your PRun reviews, and I love your snarkiMcSnarken-ness and your library fines.

    Keep on, keepin' on. I'm lovin' it like Super Sized Fries.

    Julie, ADayInTheWife.com

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  40. I'm stoked (yes, stoked) you're getting more readers! You're more than deserving! And since you asked for it, and I don't think I've ever linked you before, you can check out my month-old, not-updated-enough blog:
    http://giganteinwaiting.blogspot.com

    And you better enjoy the calm while it lasts. Fame is going to explode all over this mother in 2010, I just gots a feelin'!

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  41. I found you by the process of elimination. I clicked on the next blog thing over and over, clicked on commenter authors to blogs I read -- discarding what I read right and left until I found someone interesting -- and that is you.

    Best regards.

    Jerry

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  42. I am new, but I have loved reading your blog. You add such whit and character to your stories.

    I recently started a blog called Screw--It. I hope you get a chance to stop by.

    PS...my husband so far hasnt read my blog and I am jealous yours is more excited about blogging than mine. Ill get him there eventually.

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  43. Mrs Smith's Sis10:08 PM

    Mrs Smith, the Coastie wife who commented earlier, is my sister and fellow Project Runway fan. (she didn't tell me she commented, but I stumbled across her comment, which was weird....finding my sister accidentally on the Internet...) She forwarded me the recap for week 2 and I laughed so hard that I had to stop and bookmark your blog and Twitter page. In case you haven't read her stuff, thought I would point you to www.jennsylvania.com. Don't know her, bit love her stuff, too.

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  44. I don't comment often, but...
    I discovered your blog through "Blogs of Note" a few weeks ago and whatever post I read of yours that day made me click "follow" on the spot. Thanks for the laughs.

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  45. 1) I've been reading for a few days--I'm a "Mickey" 2) I immediately thought you were fab enough to give you a shout out in my blog 3) You now have me forever with the featured Golden Girls photo... Here's my homage to the "girls"-- http://www.countrygonecity.com/2009/11/welcome-to-st-olaf.html 4)My work schedule doesn't allow me to pour hour upon hour over the blogosphere, but you have become a new staple with my morning All Bran. That's special.

    Congrats on Blogs of Note!

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  46. I'll take the Mickey Award, thanks, love me some Mickey.

    I knew I found a blog I'd love when I saw the mag cover with Parker Posey and 'Air Raid Bitches' written over it. And this morning when I read 'sepia-colored Bratz doll in a trucker hat' I spit my coffee out laughing so hard. Thanks for being funny.

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  47. It's weird, I only blog when I feel like it ( not very often), but since I've found your blog, I get online everyday just to find out what you've written about.

    Your wit has me in tears...in a good way, and I often have to explain to my 3 year-old why I'm laughing at the computer. Never feel ashamed of being teary-eyed....that's what keeps the passion alive.

    Definitely a Fan!!

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  48. Sweet Mother of God, as a relatively new reader, I just had to chime in here to thank you. Putting "funny" into words with your brand of wit and humility is a rare gift. You make me want to start a blog of my own, which of course we all know that is just what the world needs. I could never do it better, so instead will giggle insanely at your posts while inhabiting the same pair of yoga pants for 3 days in a row and just appreciate you. Sounds freakishly gushing, but I think you tap in to something universal about us all.
    Best to you and can't wait for your first book of David Sedaris style essays to be published.

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  49. with your amasing power with words and observation you should absolutely consider writing a book, becoming rich and famous, and making the world a better place for all of us. The sooner the better. I personally got started on your PR recaps, and now I am simply hopelessly hooked

    all the best

    Tomasz

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  50. It is nice to see energy come through letters on a computer screen. I like the honest joy you put into the blog-you have pictures and very creative writing. A lot of people base their blogs around a subject but you managed to bring me back to your site even though its about nothing. well, sometimes its about style?? It is mostly just funny and I think it is cool that you have been doing it for so long.
    thanks for the award. i'm honored. my blog is rawserial.blogspot.com
    its about raw food

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  51. Recently came across your blog and I have to say I love it! Reading your posts can keep anyone entertained!

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  52. I love my Mickey award woohoo!

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  53. Do you ship the Walken award overseas? I've recruited a few Curmudgeoners all the way from Seoul, Korea! You're an international sensation! Stumbled upon your blog randomly a few years ago and besides a close friend, your blog has been the only one I've followed faithfully. Thanks for sharing your wit, wisdom, and fashion missteps (that we have taken with you) with the blogosphere.

    -KZ
    www.gettinchiggae.blogspot.com

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  54. I found your Huffington Post blog near the end of last season's Project Runway, and was thrilled to then find your Sassy blog! I'm a medical student, and I have to say "thank you" because your witty and irreverant humor is just what I need in these stressful times! Also, LOVE all the random references ("I'm not a witch, I'm your wife", LOLOL!). Oh, and THANKS for the Mickey!

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  55. I found you through Peacebang a month or two ago and have been reading everyday since. Love it! I told my family and now they all read it too. So you have a small, but strong, Maryland fan-base!

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  56. I be wanting that Mickey award...does it come with a plastic surgery re-do? BTW, great blog.

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  57. Great post - what an entertaining read! LOL @ the waaay long overdue book - I'm guilty of that myself!

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  58. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  59. i'm relatively new to this whole blogging thing... and only found your blog yesterday. but i stayed up all night reading 'cause i just couldn't stop. lol. seriously, though. i was Laughing Out Loud... by myself... probably driving my neighbor crazy. so, uh, yeah. thanks for being you and putting yourself on blast for everyone to read! it's some good shit!

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  60. I found you through The Huff Post Project Runway Recap and was hooked! But you really had me at the Tom of Maine post... having my fellow dark haired, intensely eyebrowed, brewers yeast consuming, sailor inspired clothing wearer confirm my own dark thoughts about Tom and his pathetic excuse for pit stick... was somehow deeply satisfy to my soul. Thanks!

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  61. Anonymous2:45 PM

    Your blog brghtens my day. I laugh out looud in the office. Thank you.

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  62. yep, i also found you on blogs of note, and have been more pleased with each passing day.

    and i just wanted to say: that witch/wife award is pretty much the most romantic thing i've ever seen.

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  63. I found you while perusing "Blogs of Note" and I just could not stop reading! I'm in France right now and am looking to you to keep me updated as the States move through awards season. I cannot wait for more!

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  64. Um, I just saw that my comment (about meeting you at Tom and Anna's wedding) was just listed as being from "me" which is weird--I don't know how that happened. Anyway, it is weird and I'm not trying to be anonymous. :) Lisa

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  65. These are the greatest awards I've ever seen. I've been following you since before Blog of Note, so I kind of want to steal the Walken award :) Love coming over here.

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  66. I found you on blogs of note and I thoroughly enjoy you. You made me smile when I thought it might not be easy. May seem like overkill, but check me out at any of my 3, yes, 3 blogs ( I have a complex).

    www.jimseyebrows.blogspot.com
    www.livefromgrubville.blogspot.com
    www.lifeinsidetheblubbersarcophagus.blogspot.com

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  67. Guys, I am totally touched and overwhelmed by all of your comments.

    I need to make up a special new award for awesome comments now. I think it should have something do do with Keanu Reeves as Ted Theodore Logan... I'll get back to you.

    For real, though, I love you all. You have just fist bumped my heart.

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  68. I just found your blog (I'm pretty new here), but it has brightened my day and helped make me feel a little bit more sane... thank you!

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  69. Anonymous1:34 PM

    All of us Mickey's (although I'm also a little bit Walken-to-Remember as I've completely caught up with all of your entries since I began reading in September--no I'm not creepy and yes my job is that boring..) are in the lovely position to want to watch you sky-rocket into whatever success you choose without being worried about you leaving us behind..

    Good luck!

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  70. Wow! It's hard to make me laugh as hard as you have made me laugh this evening. Thanks for that. I LOVE your blog, and I'm enriched for having found it!

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  71. TexMom11:09 PM

    I started reading your Project Runway recaps on HuffPo last season. Honestly, I would have stopped watching if it wasn't for your hilarious reviews. I continued to watch that miserable LA season just so I would know what you were talking about. Your blog is great! Loved the Girl Scout cookie entry and any Sixteen Candles reference. Keep it up!

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  72. And then Millie Vanillie came flying into my head!! Thanks!! Your are seriously funny - thank you for the big laugh. Tell Jeff to look out for Humperdink...I'm sending your post to my sister. She will crack up!

    you can find out about me at

    the-renee-chronicles.blogspot.com

    glad i found your blog!!!

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  73. You labeled this gem of a post with "for serious;" and, for that, I love you. :P

    Count me as a future "Walken to Remember" (though current "Mickey"). If you would now excuse me- I have a sudden urge to listen to Bryan Adams and watch The Princess Bride...

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  74. That is how I found you! I love reading your blog... I'm no New Yorker, rather a Midwesterner who wishes she could be a New Yorker. If you'd like to read about my art go to http://jfuchsauthorversion.blogspot.com
    or if you'd like to read about my family & all the crapola that goes on with raising 3 boys, go to http://assessingthedamage.blogspot.com
    Thanks!

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  75. Hey I found your blog a few days ago and I absolutely love it! The Christopher Walken award was hilarious! I just wanted to give you a link to my blog: http://sarah-photoblog.blogspot.com/
    I just started it, so there's only two posts, but I'm really excited about it and would love if you'd take a look.

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  76. I just found you via Blogs of Note and L-O-V-E your blog already! The pajama jeans might be the best thing since the Snuggie. I definitely stole the link to share with my facebook friends! And may blog about it.. giving you proper credit of course!

    Happy Blogging!
    www.lexychik.blogspot.com

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  77. Found your blog thru Blogs of Note and am thoroughly enjoying myself. If you have some free time between fashion shows, I’d love a visit: http://mydogforest.blogspot.com/

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