Monday, February 8, 2010

Questions That Will Not Ingratiate You To a Bunch of Dudes Watching The Super Bowl

"What is a down?" (I cannot understand this to save my life; you might say I have—wait for it—Down Syndrome.)

"Wait, how many quarters are there?" (I am also, apparently, legitimately dumb.)

"Where is Kim Kardashian?" (I need at least one quasi-celebrity in the stands to serve as my pop culture North Star; otherwise I'm lost.)

"If Peyton Manning is from New Orleans, shouldn't he be rooting for the Saints?" (Also, what is up with that weird Oreo ad with him and Eli licking cream filling in front of Donald Trump and Darrel Hammond?)

(Inspired by the Colts' logo) "Why do horses wear shoes?"

"Is that line showing where the first down is really drawn on the field?" (I think Jeff confiscated my wine at this point.)

"Why does Monster.com use fiddling beavers in its ad? Is that sexist?" (Mine doesn't even play the kazoo. It must be slow.)

(Upon seeing Dan Marino) "Is that the guy from Ace Ventura: Pet Detective?"

I don't think I'm getting invited back next year.
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30 comments :

  1. Coming from a girl who watches sports and adores them to no end, you would have been a bright spot of humor to have at my Super Bowl party because the game and the commercials were just sad.

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  2. Nothing like a good laugh mid-morning to keep me going for the rest of the day. Good stuff.

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  3. Here is the comment that got me barred from future ivitations: Who is playing the Saints? Must be the Colts, right, cause there's that shoe thingy that horses wear. Or maybe it is the Bulls? Do cows even wear horseshoes? Sad thing is I wasn't being funny.

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  4. All VERY thoughtful questions! I will say that I am a football fan, but the highlight of that game was the E-Trade baby and the milk-aholic commercial! Love the beaver comment!

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  5. haha, i didnt even know who was playing the superbowl until i just now read your blog.
    this was great. :)

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  6. So pleased you captured pretty much my whole life in front of a big screen viewing of sports of any sort.

    Rock on, Sassy!

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  7. Lolz...you actually managed to intellectualize the hoopla somewhat. For me, major sports events are just an excuse to over eat. Period. No matter who wins or loses.

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  8. Aaaahaha I LOVE AV:PD. I basically grew up on that movie, Ren & Stimpy, and Salute Your Shorts.

    Explains a lot.

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  9. From another blogger who would be thrown out of any Superbowl party for asking dumb chick questions, I applaud you.

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  10. Maybe not to their Superbowl party, but totally to mine!

    Your questions make sense to me.

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  11. I asked my husband why Football players are payed so much. He said it was because they are finely tuned athletes who can RUN, PASS, KICK, BLOCK, blah blah etc.
    Oh yeah? I say.
    So why do they play for 5 seconds and then rest for 3 minutes, play for 10 more seconds and rest for 2 minutes and so on until a game that should have lasted 20 minutes takes 3 hours?
    And about being finely tuned athletes- My Grandpa uses the same method to while going up flights of stairs. Look out gramps. You just may get recruited if football teams find out you too have mastered this athletic ability.

    I got the blank stare. Nothing.
    He must know I make a good point.

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  12. I love your sense of humor! hahaha

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  13. Hey I always wanted to ask the question about "Is that line showing where the first down is really drawn on the field?" but was afraid to ask in case I'd get laughed at by my husband. So is it??? Taking your wine wasn't fair.

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  14. I dont even ask....cause I don't really care. I'm def not one of those cool chicks who watches football and drinks beer with the boys, nope, I'm just here to eat the cookies...

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  15. Ha! your hilarious! I found you on MENTIONABLE BLOGS. Just what I needed: some humor. how do you know the # of visitors? Love your blog! xoxo
    here is my blog - not that it is worth mentioning...



    www.mdeepviolet.blogspot.com

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  16. Omg this is too funny! I will forever think of Ace Ventura when I see Dan Marino too

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  17. I was fudged up about all the same stuff. Alot of the commercials WERE sexist. *mad*

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  18. So....you're not a football watcher either?

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  19. Dan Marino one would have annoyed me only because I'm a huge Dolphins fan!

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  20. The Superbowl was yesterday?
    Wow. I am totally going to get my Man Card revoked.

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  21. A) this is hysterical.
    B) Don't worry, even without wine, for the longest time I didn't understand why that yellow line looked different than the white ones.
    C) This is the best blog post I've read in awhile...excited to keep reading.

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  22. God, I hate the Super Bowl. People are at their worse- eating too much, drinking too much, dressed up in some ugly-ass jersey like a damn clown. Then it's over, and they're wasted, probably confused why they spent 6 hours of their day in front of the television instead of, oh, I don't know, playing with their kids. Yuck. I spent Sunday in my own domain- the mall. Found some flats on sale.

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  23. Girl, you crack me up!

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  24. How funny you posted about football...lol, I did too but the complete opposite of your post. I LOVE football and I get way into it (and I'm a girl!!)...

    here's the link to my blog:

    leashes53.blogspot.com

    I think you'll find my interpretation...different...to say the least.

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  25. MrsSmith9:45 AM

    Did you read the comments people left on her blog?? One guy even told her ass to MOVE. In all capital letters!!

    If she's as tough as she thinks she is fabulous, then she'll keep writing. If she's only as tough as she actually is fabulous, then I think her blog will be gone quite quickly, since she won't be able to take the haters.

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  26. MrsSmith9:46 AM

    and if I'm as smart as I thought I was, then I would have put that last comment under the other post.....

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  27. payed? Crap. Sorry. Meant paid.

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  28. It's ok, I thought the Colts were from Texas for a bit. I don't know why, but the horseshoes made me think of tx.....my friends rapidly corrected me.

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  29. AAAAhhhhh!!! I asked that exact same question about that line on the field. Was it really there on the field? How did they get it on the field but underneath the players' feet and bodies if it was done on a computer or television editing screen. I am still a little confused about that one and unlike you, I was actually asked to leave the room..............and the party was at my own freakin house!

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  30. Excellent! Also, why does every NFL team have at least one player with the last name of "Johnson", and why does it make me laugh every time the announcer describes whatever said Johnson does on the field?

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