*That is an actual question I once got from one of those What If? books, and I'm still deciding. It really hinges on whether I can watch TV in the bathroom.
Anyway, GraTRUEities turn out to be something else entirely. They are little cards with notes on them, meant to be given to waiters and bartenders as a pertinent "tip" in addition to cash. For instance, if you got great service you might leave a 30% tip along with this:
Or, if your waiter was terrible, you might leave a fistful of pennies in the bottom of a half-finished beer along with this zinger:
Is it just me, or are these even worse than the Jump to Conclusions mat from Office Space? I mean, aren't cash tips messages in and of themselves? A 10% tip says either "You suck." or "I am an asshole." A 50% tip says "You should basically be the Emperor of all waitstaff" or "I am very rich and possibly drunk."
Speaking of drunk, some of the GraTRUEities seem tailor-made for gin-soaked mixed messages:
Seriously, what? Is that a come-on? (I know it's a song, but how and in what stage of acid trip is that a useful tip for a waiter?)
Actually, you know, some of these would be MUCH better applied to one-night stands. Assuming no cash changes hands, sex is something that people actually could use tips on.
Those really would be the gifts that keep on giving, at least for their next bedmates, since you would never see them again and might even get a special next-day delivery of black roses or dessicated turds.
If any waiters or bartenders are reading out there, I would love to know how you would react to getting a "tip" like these with your tips. My suspicion is that you would quietly copy down their name from their credit card, look them up on White Pages, and order them a "bill me later" subscription to the creepiest porn magazine you could find. Or maybe set the card on fire and start beating your chest like Tarzan until they run screaming, forgetting their coats, which you then rifle through for loose change and Life Savers?
Inquiring minds want to know.
UPDATE: Upon further reflection I must also take issue with the name of this product. If the sentiment is complimentary, then fine. I think people should be acknowledged for their work. But I can't help but imagine the following scene:
Sassy gay man* #1: Our waiter was terrible.
Sassy gay man #2: Oh, I know. He needs a wake-up call. I mean, sometimes less is less. Am I right?
SGM #1: True! When I asked for "on the rocks" I meant my vodka, not my service.
SGM #2: True!
SGM #1: OMG, I have an amazing idea...
Or am I just... ahem ... jumping to conclusions?
*Gays, please do not take offense. This product was likely created by two Curt and Ram type d-bags, but I couldn't imagine them saying "True!" to each other with the amount of sass I wanted to convey.