Monday, January 25, 2010

A Tale of Two Sisters

My sister was born six years after me but grew up about six times faster. At the same age that I was mastering Zen and the Art of Tampon Insertion, she was busy keeping track of her daily pot-smoking, drinking, class-cutting, and (lack of) saxophone practice*:

...and making sure she had her bases covered should she find herself on the wrong side of the law*:

The badass gene obviously skipped me. But I got the unibrow and musical theater geek chromosomes, so eat that, Zoe.

*Above excerpts used with permission. I'm not that big of an asshole... unlike this guy.



  1. This is awesome. But the LINK.. oh my GOD. I used to make lists of the guys I thought were cute. Now I realize how innocent I was!!!! That girl is awful! Hahahaha.

  2. So if this really was around the time of the post that you linked to, that would make her, what? about EIGHT?! Haha... awesome, but borderline worrisome. On the other hand, the second link--the facebook scandal--has seriously DISTURBED me. I have to pretend it's not real. The thought that anyone could suffer that level of humiliation is unbearable!

  3. Wow! Whenever we got after our daughter for some little infraction, she'd say, "You should be glad I'm not drinking and taking drugs and doing stuff with boys." She was right, of course. And I almost didn't click on the glad I did!

  4. I should clarify that my sister was 14 when she wrote these notes, i.e. the same age as I was when I wrote It's The Great Tampon, Charlie Brown :)

    And yes, that link is brutal. I was never lucky enough to get past first base in high school, but I had [chaste] versions of this list, I'm sure. If we had had Internet back in my day, and if my lusty adolescent writings had ended up there, I would have attempted to beat myself to death with my limited-edition Donnie Wahlberg doll.

  5. Ahhh... same age. I read "same time", obviously. Really could have spared myself some unnecessary math. But in light of this information... that handwriting...

  6. Hilarious. I only wish I had that bad side when I was a teenager. I needed to loosen up back then. Glad I clicked on the link. I don't normally do that, but it made me really curious. See, THAT is exactly why I NEVER kept diaries as a teenager... especially with a twin sister around.

    When I was young, my sister found these "To Do" lists in my bedroom and shared them with her friends. I wrote some really embarrassing stuff like, (1) talk more and say, "hi" back to people (2) get mom to buy the 'good' shampoo (I believed this particular shampoo would make my hair as silky & smooth as the model in the ad. I also believed that having good hair made you popular in school. That was my theory) (3) Get Nair. Nair legs, armpits, and bushy eyebrows (My mother did not allow us to use 'deadly' razors at the time. She thought they were too dangerous for an 11 yr old...but yet she let us burn our skin with Nair lotion. Beats me...) (4) Make friends with popular kids (this was more challenging than I thought...) and (5) Get cute boyfriend.

    My mathematical theory was:

    The spoken word⁴ = friends²

    friends² + silky hair + Naired legs = rollin' with the cool kids

    Rollin' with the cool kids × 6 =popularity⁴ = cute boyfriend = ♡

    Still working on the proof...

  7. Okay, that's hilarious. Love it.

  8. Zero- I think the handwriting can at least be partially explained by my constant inebriation. My all candy diet probably didn't help either.

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  10. This post brings back so many hilarious memories of my teenage years. I was a "good girl" that desperately wanted the "bad girl" image. I was constantly writing about my class skipping escapades. And just in case I ever got picked up by the cops and on the off chance that they would open by notebook- I had my phone number written down with instructions to please tell my parents I am already sorry. HAHA!


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