Thursday, January 14, 2010

Robert Sean Leonard Ate My Muffin: A True Story

I'm sick and useless today, so I've decided to repost the following entry from 10/27/06. Back then I had like 30 readers, so I'm assuming it'll be new to most of you. For those who read it the first time around, you will each receive one of the awesome T-shirts I mention at the end of the post (written in permanent marker on one of Jeff's undershirts, I hope that's okay!).

Anyway, my favorite celebrity encounter to relate to others is when Robert Sean Leonard ate my muffin, because it sounds so dirty when announced without explanation.

I was working on a documentary film shoot with the cast of Eugene O’Neill’s “Long Day’s Journey Into Night”, and there were muffins in the vicinity--specifically a delectable corn muffin, half of which I had eaten when I was called away to do something. The next thing I knew, Robert Sean Leonard was eating the rest of my muffin. I have to say I was pretty jazzed about it. I mean, in his day RSL was pretty tasty, if a little on the skinny side. So if Robbie Sean needed my corn muffin to put some meat on his bones, I say amen. However, it is kind of fucked up to take somebody’s half-eaten pastry.



That said, I did it today, in a perfect, celebrity circle-completing way.

A certain star was in the office today. A not too famous but not unfamous movie star. We had thrown a goodbye party for one of the employees, and there were left-over cupcakes in the conference room. I had already eaten two (which is neither here nor there nor relevant, but I just want you to have all the facts). Despite being super teeny, the actress helped herself to a cupcake. I thought she had eaten it all, but when I went in later to forage for Diet Coke I saw part of her uneaten cupcake sitting on a plate. Now, I am not the kind of person who would sell Britney Spears’ half-eaten corndog on eBay, but I eat left-over junk all the time. I’ve been known to eat M&Ms off of the floor (I even picked one up off of the New York City street once--hey, it has a candy shell). So really, it wouldn’t have been at all out of character for me to have eaten the cupcake simply out of sugar lust. However, I saw more than just a crumble of cake and a smear of frosting; I saw an opportunity for justice. Robert Sean Leonard had eaten half of my muffin, so I would eat half of this celebrity’s cupcake. The world would be at peace, finally.

Update: The world may be at peace, but my stomach is not amused by the two and a half cupcakes. On the bright side, I think I have a good t-shirt slogan:

Robert Sean Leonard ate my muffin and all I got was IBS.
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11 comments :

  1. read it. loved it. waiting for the arrival of my hand crafted under shirt :)

    whenever you are ready of course..

    ReplyDelete
  2. AHH!! This made my laugh so hard!
    Love it.
    Share more stories like this.
    I have some- like when Jeff Goldblum pushed his boner up against me, Alex Baldwin dissed me in mid-handshake, Jeremy Irons mistakingly hit on me, and Sean Penn joked that I looked like Clint Eastwood.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous7:42 PM

    we really want to know whose cupcake you ate. =)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ouizee9:12 PM

    My daughter's "brush with fame" story is that Bill Clinton made her pee her pants, which I wish was my story.
    She was in the first grade in the fall of 2004 when Bill had just recovered from bypass surgery and John Kerry was fighting for his electoral life. Kerry decided to have a huge rally on the Parkway in Philadelphia because Bill said he would make that his first appearance after the surgery. Because (I believe) John Kerry was trying to alienate as many middle-of-the-road voters as possible, he had his headquarters in a Quaker school. Because there was a former president there, as well as a guy that could lose to George Bush 4 years in, there was a considerable Secret Service presence. The SS made their barrier in the school just before the doors to the first grade toilets. My little monkey had to go, and she was never really known for her ability to hold it. She walked up to the bathroom, but the scary men wouldn't let her in. When she started to wail, President 42 strolled over, just in time to see her make a puddle on the new berber carpet in the hallway.
    What I took from your recycled tale is, if she can just make a former president pee his pants she will be even. I vote for Bush '41 or Carter.

    ReplyDelete
  5. now that it's 2 and a half years later, can you drop an obvious hint about who the cupcake eater was? (guess-- zooey deschanel)

    ReplyDelete
  6. I love you all. And I have more embarrassing celebrity stories where that came from.

    Oh and the cupcake celeb enjoyed a spike of fame in the late 90s, first appearing in a very popular horror franchise and a very revealing red carpet outfit.

    She's faded significantly now and had some unfortunate plastic surgery. Here's one of her more memorable quotes:

    "I killed Liz. I killed the teen dream. Deal with it."

    ReplyDelete
  7. Alec Baldwin once checked out my ass. It's true. And I've been reprimanded by Tim Gunn. But on to more important things. I wanted to tell you that I enjoy your blog so much, I've named it as one of my top seven blogs to watch in 2010.

    ReplyDelete
  8. The fact that it is a corn muffin is what makes it kind of dirty. Like, if it was sweet muffin it wouldn't seem as rude. But being a healthier (by comparision) muffin, it makes him look rude.

    I don't know why.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Colleen, thank you! And reprimanded by Tim??? Oh, no, please don't tell me he's really an asshole.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous11:10 PM

    sooooooo rose mG!?! you got me at the jawbreaker quote

    ReplyDelete
  11. Not an asshole; he's absolutely charming in person. I was the asshole because I made fun of a woman wearing a plastic bag over her shoe. He looked at me as if I were vermin and said, "She doesn't have a choice... she's in a walking cast and it's raining." So, you see, Tim Gunn is actually extremely practical.

    ReplyDelete

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