Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Reader Request: Facebook App-titude

Uh-oh! Una baked a few too many sweet seasonal hams in Café World!

She also needs help to violently break up a campaign rally in Mafia Wars: Moscow, and, hey, since you're already here, she's hosting a barn raising in Farmville and needs some friends to lend a hand! Since this is a traditional barn raising, helpers must be dressed as Judy Garland and/or Gene Kelly in Summer Stock in order to be considered (gingham a plus).

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, then you're obviously not on Facebook (in which case I am doubly impressed that you found your way onto the Internet today, let alone to my blog!) Anyway, I do not use Facebook apps like FarmVille, Café World, and Mafia Wars as a general rule (um, excepting this), but I got a commenter request to write about them, and I get so excited when readers actually ask me things that of course I'm going to do it.

You all know, generally, what I love and loathe (if you don't, see the handy Venn Diagram below)...

^          ^         ^
    LOVE       TORN    LOATHE

...but if you ever find yourself wondering, WDUT ("What Does Una Think?") about a particular topic, be it margarine or blood diamonds or Keynesian economics*, feel free to ask me and I will not only give you my two cents, I will give you all of the spare change I have saved up to cash in at the Key Food Coinstar machine (metaphorically, obviously; that $4.37 is all mine).

*Of the three, my strong suit is obviously margarine. Be kind.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, commenter zerohitwonder messaged me to ask my stance on on Facebook apps.

Well, let me start by sharing with you the apps I have. First, The Office quotes:

Next, Stuff Meredith Drew, by my friend—wait for it—Meredith:

And finally, ridiculously artistic graffitti from my sister:

Oh, and Mafia, but not Mafia Wars. The original Mafia. Which makes it less lame. Right? (Say yes.)

Anyway, I can't hate on people who use Facebook game apps. God knows we all need something to get us through the day (my personal crutch is a combination of Twitter, Gawker, Jezebel, BuzzFeed, NYMag, and the many blogs I follow). My... confusion, I guess, stems more from the constant updates that these applications post to your profile.

If you are my friend on Facebook and you have 100 sweet seasonal hams that you have accidentally cooked (perhaps while in a K-hole) and need to give away, I will totally take one. In fact, I'll take ten! But only if they are real. What, I ask you, would I do with a virtual sweet seasonal ham? Similarly, how can I violently break up a rally in Moscow armed with nothing but my computer and the weight of my overwhelming ennui? If I could channel my boredom into nickels with which to fill up a tube sock, then maybe we'd get somewhere (but also I will be needing a ticket to Moscow).

I can't imagine that FB users sanction the constant updating of their profiles by these games (after all, it's kind of a marker that you're—to borrow  phrase I saw in the Schott's Miscellany 2009 Almanac—social notworking). Some people get fired for negligence or laziness or, like I did in 2000, for smoking during your shift refilling the potato salad at the Wesleyan campus center café, but it will be a new low when someone gets canned for asking for help fertilizing their virtual farm. Better to go out with a mob hit, I think.

And remember, leave the gun—take the sweet seasonal hams.

(Yeah, I used that joke a week ago, but it's still awesome and you know it.)



  1. Perfectly put! Now I can go back to my obnoxiously hectic workday sincerely geeked and satisfied. Thanks for doing this!

  2. It makes me so happy to know you feel the same. But now that you've satisfied us with an amazing blog post ON REQUEST... you know there are going be more where that came from.

  3. That is possibly my favorite venn diagram ever. It's strange to swoon over a venn diagram. I don't even want to know the psychological implications.

  4. I find that my interaction in social media sites are directly related to how lonely I am.

    I was also a player of the original Mafia game. You could call us OG's.

  5. ditto on the venn diagram... its awesomeness is astounding. my favorite part? torn about "lard"--i feel the exact same way.

  6. OMG, I loved "Who Wants to Marry My Dad!" Why it didn't get picked up for a third season is beyond my understanding.

    And, categorically, I hate anyone who has nothing better to do with their time than incessantly invite me to play Sorority LIfe.

    I mean, God, I know my afternoons are pretty vacant, but at least I blog...

  7. finally, a practical application of the venn diagram. I live for you.

  8. Man I'm so glad you guys like the Venn Diagram. I spent like half my work day on that. Phew!

    I live for you all.

    And Grant, we are total OGs. Word.


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