Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Floor-Eating: A Beginner's Guide

On Buzzfeed today, I found this handy flow chart to determine whether or not you should eat a piece of food once you drop it on the floor (I don't need a flow chart, of course—I have Jeff... and at least a 50% success rate at telling chocolate gelato from feces).

Not everyone is a champion floor-eater like myself, so I thought I'd make my own chart, which hopefully someday will be a part of a Frank T.J. Mackey-like seminar that will make me rich and famous, if occasionally waylaid by a bacterial infections.

You are welcome.


Click to enlarge; this is super-scientific and important.

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21 comments :

  1. My husband doesn't believe in the 5 second rule. I told him that it was worse than telling kids there was no Santa.

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  2. Haha I love this! Congrats on being a blot of note.

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  3. I want to print wallet-sized cards of this to tote around. yessss

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  4. Thanks guys! Post Grad, thanks for letting me know. So exciting! Hope you stick around.

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  5. Oh my gosh, so exciting! The first blog on my regular blogroll to become a blog of note. I'd like to think I had something to do with it.

    So basically, if it's health food, don't eat it, and in all other cases, it's safe.

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  6. I was so excited when I saw you were a blog of note!! And jealous too! Congrats, well deserved.

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  7. Colleen -- It was totally all you.

    And Laurnie -- Every time I've been drunk for the past few months I've harassed Blogger via Twitter to make me Blog of Note. My system can work for you too!

    :)

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  8. Dammit... I'm destined to always be the bridesmaid to these wonderful Blog of Note people. I swear they just keep choosing the blogs off my reading list...
    The five-second rule? If you have a pug you won't even make it past one. Opportunity gone.

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  9. Chrisy in Chicago8:46 PM

    If you are truly interested in the validity of the 5 second rule, The Mythbusters did a segment on it last year I think.

    Hello. My name is Chris and I am a nerd. The first step is admitting you have a problem...

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  10. blah, testing OpenID ;)

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  11. Found you thru blog of note...that made me laugh, so i'll continue reading! :)

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  12. Your chart is much better than the one that inspired it!

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  13. OK. I love your profile picture and the fact that you are a SASSY curmudgeon, the most amazing personal statement I have ever come across, makes you my new virtual best friend.

    Keep it coming my friend!

    Denise Burks

    www.successinthesuburbs.blogspot.com

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  14. Ellie: Like I told Laurnie, all it takes to be Blog of Note is the ability to shamelessly throw yourself at Blogger.

    Chrisy: I LOVE MYTHBUSTERS! Oh man I have to find that episode.

    leonel: Um, okay. Thanks, I guess?

    ogłoszenia matrymonialne: It WAS nice, wasn't it? I think so.

    Emily: Thanks! I hope you stick around!

    Greg: Right? I need to work on stuff that can go viral.

    Denise: The unibrow is real. So glad you like the blog. I love your personal statement, too. Thanks for the link!

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  15. I'm allergic to chocolate :(

    http://fromzerotoamultinational.blogspot.com/

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  16. very, very funny! I am a huge fan of the 5 second rule, but the lettuce that falls on the ground is in the garbage before I can even start counting! Funny how that works :).

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  17. This one actually might come in handy. I mentioned this one on my blog.

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  18. ha! this is fantastic :) I will most assuredly bring this one up at lunch today...


    http://matcha-and-metyl.blogspot.com/

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  19. Totally the funniest thing ive seen in a while besides the girl scout cookie picture up top, couldnt agree more!

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