Friday, December 18, 2009

Top 5 Reasons Why Today Was One of The Top 5 Days in December (Largely Due to a Top 5 Sandwich and Also My Awesome Hair)

#1 My landlord came over this morning and finally fixed our leaky bathtub faucet (Thank you, Santa!). Jeff, who stayed home (you know, to make sure the landlord didn't steal any of our broken umbrellas or bleach-stained towels), took the phone into the bathroom so that I could hear for myself how it no longer sounds like the Teeny Little Super Guy is frolicking in a waterfall at all times. Maybe now I will stop needing to pee in my dreams.

#2 I had, for lunch, the. Best. Sandwich. Ever. As soon as I finished I awarded it a coveted spot on my Top 5 Sandwiches of All Time list AND gave it a star on my Intestinal Walk of Fame. How awesome was this sandwich? Fucking awesome. It was a Vietnamese banh mi, with two kinds of pork, pickled carrots, cilantro, cucumber, and mayonnaise. I got it all over my desk, and my face (a co-worker kindly told me that I had a very NSFW blob of mayo on my lip, which is so fitting because I made love to that banh mi. Sorry Jeff.)

#3 From two separate neighbors in my building I have learned that I CAN get cable. This means that three years ago when I moved in, Time Warner and Cablevision lied to me, and I must consider the possibility that my mother orchestrated the whole thing so that I wouldn't ruin my eyes and rot my brain. Well I have news for you, mother. Watching The Real Housewives of Orange County on my tiny iPod nano is probably why I needed glasses. Plus, it's really hard to tell whose boobs are real on such a small screen, which is an integral part of understanding and appreciating that show. But help is on the way!

#4 I didn't wash my hair this morning and I do not resemble John Cusack or Cameron Diaz in Being John Malkovich.

#5 Tonight is my office Christmas party, Ludachristmas. It is named for Ludacris, who once called me on the phone (true story), and who sings my favorite revenge fantasy soundtrack song, "Get Back."

(Yup, I have a special soundtrack for imaginary cage matches/face-offs between myself and people who have wronged me. In the fantasies I am a mixed martial arts master and can also float like in The Matrix. For some reason "Jump Around" by House of Pain is also part of the soundtrack. This parentheses just gets more and more embarrassing. Luckily, this post is over now.)



  1. Anonymous3:57 PM

    I too had an awesome sandwich today! Curried chicken salad with green apples and dried cherries in it, on amazing, thick hazelnut bread. I wish it wasn't over :( See Una, we are psychically linked! I also have a revenge montage fantasy, but it usually involves a dance off. I love you! Now let's get cracking on that pageant! -Anna

  2. Dude. Bahn Mi is the best. sandwich. of. all. time. So damn tasty.

  3. You didn't say where you got the awesome sandwich from!

  4. Never had that sandwich, and I am not sure I can find one here in New Orleans. The sammies here are normally made of 4 tablespoons of creole seasoning, some bacon grease, and a mixture of shrimp an crawfish meat. Always tastes good though.

  5. Jessica - it was at Mangez Avec Moi on W. Broadway in Manhattan. The little take-out shop next to the sit-down restaurant.

    Hater - Mmmm, I am jealous. Here in NYC we cant get decent creole.

  6. You, my dear, are awesome.

  7. Aw, shucks, Hannah. Thanks. If I had known all this time that not washing my hair and oversharing about my fantasy musical ninja battles was all I needed to do to get people to love me....

  8. All this sandwich love reminds me of a very cute blog devoted to sandwiches.
    You'll have to check it out and leave a comment. I found her through SITS (The Secret is in the Sauce).


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