Tuesday, December 22, 2009

It's Time To Play... Jersey Shore Housemate or Christmas Gift?


Similar traits: Sexless; cuddly; devoid of personality
How to tell them apart: Only one has freakishly groomed eyebrows.

2. J-WOWW versus SHAM WOW
Similar traits: Orange; hold 12 times its weight in liquid; machine washable and bleachable
How to tell them apart: ShamWow comes with a 10-year warranty, is slightly more effective at cleaning up pet stains

3. PAULY D. versus 1991 TOTALLY HAIR KEN

Similar traits: Metrosexual; gel-obsessed; make me imagine an alternate universe in which Samantha Micelli from Who's The Boss was a lesbian auto mechanic.
How to tell them apart: Pauly has Cadillac logo tattooed down his side; Ken has no penis.


Similar traits: Brown; hairy; unintelligible
How to tell them apart: Wookiees are gentler and do not wear Ed Hardy trucker hats as a general rule; Snooki looks slightly more like Christina Aguilera in blackface

5. THE SITUATION versus What Would You Do?: A Kid's Guide to Tricky and Sticky Situations by Linda Schwartz

Similar traits: Cautionary; colorful; abs of steel (unconfirmed)
How to tell them apart: The book uses "sticky" metaphorically. The Situation will make you sticky, literally.



  1. Stop being so funny. It hurts me lady parts.

  2. At least the Situation hasn't hurt your lady parts. I hear the siph really burns. :)

  3. You have managed to combine all of the things I think are awesome into one blog post: Slankets, Jersey Shore, and being sticky!

    It's a Festivus Miracle!...

  4. You've gone and done it - topped yourself and scared the shit out of my cat for spitting my beverage all over her and the keyboard. Bless your heart.

  5. this is amazing. and i don't even watch jersey shore...now, i don't have to!

  6. You just won the internet with the Totally Hair Ken reference.

  7. Oh my gosh, remember Dep? Hahaha!

  8. i JUST saw jersey shore for the first time the other day and it blew my mind! i can't get it out of my head! i'm ashamed that i used to vacation to the jersey shore now. however, we went to ocean city, which is a dry town. we were looooosers.

  9. hahahah genius. also the word i have to type in to leave this comment is 'cants' but with the italic font i was SURE it said something else... and i've now decided that the day word verification is a derogatory word is going to be the best day of my life..yes that says something about my life. glad i have found your blog! merry two days after christmas to me...

  10. Rachel, I KNOW. The random words they make you type can be hilarious. And cunt would be so appropriate for this blog. Anyway, thanks. I have a new fan, so merry four days after Christmas to me!

  11. I totally remember the Dep/Ken doll..my sister had it and I DID NOT! :(...still holding that grudge...
    Side note: My husband has a bottle of DEP from his teenage days that he swears he'll use....we've moved 3 times with it...


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