Tuesday, December 22, 2009

It's Time To Play... Jersey Shore Housemate or Christmas Gift?

1. VINNY versus THE SLANKET

Similar traits: Sexless; cuddly; devoid of personality
How to tell them apart: Only one has freakishly groomed eyebrows.

2. J-WOWW versus SHAM WOW
Similar traits: Orange; hold 12 times its weight in liquid; machine washable and bleachable
How to tell them apart: ShamWow comes with a 10-year warranty, is slightly more effective at cleaning up pet stains

3. PAULY D. versus 1991 TOTALLY HAIR KEN

Similar traits: Metrosexual; gel-obsessed; make me imagine an alternate universe in which Samantha Micelli from Who's The Boss was a lesbian auto mechanic.
How to tell them apart: Pauly has Cadillac logo tattooed down his side; Ken has no penis.

4. SNOOKI versus WOOKIEE

Similar traits: Brown; hairy; unintelligible
How to tell them apart: Wookiees are gentler and do not wear Ed Hardy trucker hats as a general rule; Snooki looks slightly more like Christina Aguilera in blackface

5. THE SITUATION versus What Would You Do?: A Kid's Guide to Tricky and Sticky Situations by Linda Schwartz

Similar traits: Cautionary; colorful; abs of steel (unconfirmed)
How to tell them apart: The book uses "sticky" metaphorically. The Situation will make you sticky, literally.

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11 comments :

  1. Stop being so funny. It hurts me lady parts.

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  2. At least the Situation hasn't hurt your lady parts. I hear the siph really burns. :)

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  3. You have managed to combine all of the things I think are awesome into one blog post: Slankets, Jersey Shore, and being sticky!

    It's a Festivus Miracle!...

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  4. You've gone and done it - topped yourself and scared the shit out of my cat for spitting my beverage all over her and the keyboard. Bless your heart.

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  5. this is amazing. and i don't even watch jersey shore...now, i don't have to!

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  6. You just won the internet with the Totally Hair Ken reference.

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  7. Oh my gosh, remember Dep? Hahaha!

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  8. i JUST saw jersey shore for the first time the other day and it blew my mind! i can't get it out of my head! i'm ashamed that i used to vacation to the jersey shore now. however, we went to ocean city, which is a dry town. we were looooosers.

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  9. hahahah genius. also the word i have to type in to leave this comment is 'cants' but with the italic font i was SURE it said something else... and i've now decided that the day word verification is a derogatory word is going to be the best day of my life..yes that says something about my life. glad i have found your blog! merry two days after christmas to me...

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  10. Rachel, I KNOW. The random words they make you type can be hilarious. And cunt would be so appropriate for this blog. Anyway, thanks. I have a new fan, so merry four days after Christmas to me!

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  11. I totally remember the Dep/Ken doll..my sister had it and I DID NOT! :(...still holding that grudge...
    Side note: My husband has a bottle of DEP from his teenage days that he swears he'll use....we've moved 3 times with it...

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