So my Around the Way Girl bangs from the Jessica Simpson fake hair collection finally arrived, two weeks after Halloween. WEAVE FAIL.
Here is how they look not attached to a head:
Here is how they look on a model:
And here is how they look on me:
Not so hot. Ignore the lemon-sucking look on my face; I am just looking at myself in the Photobooth window and realizing that I have SDS, or Shannen Doherty Syndrome, in which one's eyes are wildly asymmetrical. I'm not just being mean, either. Look.
I wouldn't be so worried except that side effects of SDS can include marrying and subsequently trying to run over a Hamilton. Anyway, at least the bangs come with payot!
If I wear my hair down, I can use them next year for a Joey Ramone costume!
To get my money's worth I'll have to find other uses for them. Maybe a dastardly mustache?
Or sexy chest hair?
I'm sure they'll come in handy sometime... Jeff and I own two mullet wigs, and let me tell you, they are so useful after we've had a few. MacGyver and Kate Gosselin really liven up a dinner party!