A) has constrictive bat wings instead of arms; and
B) cost $98 and then immediately went on sale for less than half the price, but I couldn't return it because seriously I cannot move my arms. Send help.
Anyway, apparently Anthro has decided that it deals in rocks now. Yes, rocks. I guess this is good in one respect: Now crystal fiends can shop discreetly without having to walk into one of those weird stores like the one that just opened in my neighborhood called "Stoned," which I can't even bring myself to look at when I walk past because the inside looks like Prince's Purple Rain album ejaculated on everything and the name makes me cringe, thinking Dude, be cool.
So guess how much a quartz cluster costs at AnthropoloGee, I've Always Wanted To Eat My Cereal Out of a Wee Bowl Made of Felt*?
*no, for real
Have you guessed? $98. Now you tell me: Which of the below photos is the real crystal...
...and which is $1 worth of rock candy?
Similarly, who needs to pay $38 for pyrite...
When you can ball up a wad of tin foil for essentially the same effect?
A single $3.49 45-ft roll of Reynolds Wrap, and your Christmas shopping is done. Time for wine!
This "unearthed trivet" disk goes for $78...
...but I'm pretty sure I have a wizened, five-month old kiwi somewhere in my crisper that I can just lop in half. Instant glamour!
So there you have it: For $5, you can approximate $214 worth of merchandise. Just remember not to wrap the kiwi until right before you are ready to open gifts; it may disintegrate or start to smell. But at the end of the day, it's really the thought that counts.