The Facebook Status Paradox

In "Being There," a New York Times Magazine article published in February, writer Virginia Heffernan noted that the truthful answer to Facebook's eternal question—“What are you doing right now?”—is always “Updating my [Facebook] status.” To acknowledge that, of course, is tacitly verboten, as the status quo (ha!) on Facebook is for users to pretend that they are doing something other than being on the site. I also think that to begin posting Facebook-related statuses is a slippery slope. Take, for example, these honest updates that my better judgment has prevented me from submitting:

Una wants to friend [ex-boyfrend's name redacted]'s hot new girlfriend but suspects that this could be construed as creepy and/or pathetic.

Una just found out that [name redacted] got married. Through Facebook. And I wasn't invited.

Una would really like [name redacted] to stop commenting on every fucking thing I post.

Una is sooooo glad to know that [name redacted] decided to take two spin classes this morning and feels amazing. I drank two bottles of Shiraz last night and scarfed an egg and cheese sandwich at my desk when I rolled in an hour late. Fuck you.

Una had to accept her boss's friend request and now cannot update status ten time daily for fear of being accused of not working.

Una doesn't care what NY landmark or great philosopher or Sex and the City character you are.

Una would appreciate NOT being tagged in unflattering photos from freshman year of college, but doesn't want to untag herself because thats seems vain.

Una THINKS [NAME REDACTED] SHOULD STOP WRITING THEIR UPDATES IN ALL CAPS AND ALSO MIGHT WANT 2 LRN HOW 2 SPEL.

Una wants everyone to know that she is against Prop 8 but is not going to "like" every single fucking link about it, OK?

Una has been trying to think of a witty Facebook status update for about five minutes now and doesn't want to give up yet. Ideas?

The Facebook Status Paradox