Friday, August 14, 2009

The 10 Hottest Guys of ’80s Cinema (A highly scientific study)

Sort of in honor of John Hughes and sort of just because it's Friday...

1. John Cusack as Walter “Gib” Gibson, The Sure Thing (1985)

Call me crazy, but I think Cusack’s witty, horny, collegiate Gib is sexier than his sensitive, trenchcoat-loving amateur boxer Lloyd Dobler. However....

2. John Cusack as Lloyd Dobler in Say Anything (1989)

I would still completely bang Lloyd. Are you kidding me, with that Peter Gabriel song?

3. Michael Schoeffling as Jake Ryan in Sixteen Candles (1984)

The most perfect man ever committed to celluloid. Leaning against that Porsche in his plaid shirt ... Rrrrrowr. He can drive me anywhere.

4. Sam Shepard as Dr. Jeff Cooper in Baby Boom (1987)

Baby Boom is my feel-good movie, and the reason I feel good when I’m watching it is because Sam Shepard is fucking hot as a Vermont veterinarian that sweeps Diane Keaton off her feet.

5. Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

Whether he’s wearing a turban or rocking his trusty hat, Indy can raid my ark any day, if you know what I’m sayin’.

6. Patrick Swayze as Johnny Castle in Dirty Dancing (1987)

A little beefy for my tastes, but the man can move his hips something FIERCE. Always a good thing, am I right ladies?

7. John Cryer as Phil “Duckie” Dale in Pretty in Pink (1986)

Ambiguously gay? Yes. But what girl hasn’t fallen for her gay BFF? His lip-synching routine to “Try a Little Tenderness” seals the deal.

8. Bill Murray as Dr. Peter Venkman in Ghostbusters (1984)

I have a thing for funny guys with acne scars. It’s weird. Maybe it’s the size of his proton pack, but Dr. Venkman gets me all hot and bothered.

9. Matthew Broderick as Ferris Bueller in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986)

Cocksure and sharp as a tack, Ferris is irresistible, especially when he’s performing “Twist and Shout” or posing as Abe Froman, Sausage King of Chicago.

10. William Hurt as Tom Grunick in Broadcast News (1987)

Looking like a Ken doll come to life, Hurt’s dashing but dumb anchorman is every girl’s boy-toy dream. And if he can charm the pants off of Holly Hunter, none of us are safe.

Honorable mentions: Alec Baldwin (pre-bloat) in She’s Having a Baby; James Spader as the evil, WASP-y Steff in Pretty in Pink; Andrew McCarthy as wet noodle Blaine in Pretty in Pink

I know you're going to disagree with me, so have at it in the comments!



  1. No Johnny Depp?! And yeah not gonna lie I also kinda fell for John Cryer in Pretty In Pink.

  2. No Sam Elliot in Road House? For shame.

  3. My opinion differs from yours and thus you should feel bad!

  4. Mike Martino3:58 PM

    A perfectly respectable list except for Jon Cryer, who was not ever anything but a dweeb.

  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

  6. Cary Elwes IS a forehead smack for me. He would be above Jake Ryan, even. HOT.

  7. apparently i could not mention Cary Elwes fast enough for the other talkbackers. i have a visceral reaction against Jon Cryer. So I'll throw out Val Kilmer as kind of awesome looking in the 80's.

  8. To each her own, so:

    1-Johnny Depp
    2-Patrick Swayze
    3-Kevin Kline
    4-Christian Slater
    5-David Bowie in Labyrinth (in spite of gray stretch pants)
    6 - Carey Elwes as Westley
    7-Harrison Ford
    8-Michael Shoeffling
    9-John Cryer (as "Duckie")
    10-Richard Gere

    Tho it's probably I'd adjust the last few if someone else mentions a forehead-smacking alternate.

  9. Oh, Jon Cryer...I still love him...well, circa 1986. I even dated a guy b/c he was just so... Duckie.

  10. Late to the party, but can't belieeeeeeve you left Eric Stoltz (in "Some Kind of Wonderful") off the list -- he bounces Cryer and Swayze off, in my mind (leaving Swayze's spot open for Alec Baldwin to move right up and out of the Honorable Mention category, 'cause when that dude wasn't all bloated and whatnot, holy s*** was he HOT!!!).


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