Thursday, April 16, 2009

Three Days of Stuff, Because I Am Lazy

Hi everybody! I'm 29 years and three days old now, and clearly I have night-blogging avoidance. Let me remedy.

Here are some things I have wanted to blog about since Monday:

1. BABIES!
My friend had a baby last week, and he is truly, objectively gorgeous. His name is Kingston. This is him:


Ahhhhh, the cuteness! I visited her last night and got to hold him. He is teensy. My uterus has been jonesing for a baby lately (my clock has been ticking since age four, when I would pretend to breastfeed my dolls), but luckily for Jeff, holding Kingston has tided me over for a bit.

2. PIRATES!
Seriously, what? Since when are pirates bigger than terrorists? What's next, saloon brawls? Anyway, after seeing this headline, a friend wrote me, "They don't look like they could defend a pool table at the VFW hall..." HA.


(But also, awwww. Look at them!)

3. PUNDITS!
CNN, I just can't seem to quit you. I don't even read the links anymore, I just get angry. Right now what's pissing me off are headlines like these:
-Echevarría: Obama should ask Castro regime for concessions
-Brown: Obama breaks promise on posting legislation
You know, it's not even that I necessarily disagree with their views, but I am kind of sick of anchors and commentators telling Obama what he needs to do via the idiot Web. I learned a valuable lesson in the asphalt "playground" of P.S. 282, and it was this: IF YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY, SAY IT TO MY FACE. Are you president, Roland Martin? Oh, really? Then maybe you should shut the fuck up and stop making me stabby at work! Do NOT get me started on Ruben Navarette, Jr., because it will not be pleasant.

4. NPR NAMES!
Dork alert! Now, in addition to your porn star name (I have the best one, Brassy St. Marks) you can have a psuedonym for reporting on NPR in somber tones. It goes like this: Take the first letter of your middle name and insert it anywhere you'd like into your first name, then add the name of the smallest foreign town you've visited. Voila!
This is NPR, National Public Radio. I'm Suna Moydans, thanks for listening.
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3 comments :

  1. I like to think that "Jake Beltram" has a scrappy, can-do charm that fits the male porn star mold, but my actual name is already odd enough to be that of an NPR commentator without alteration.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Since when is S the first letter of your middle name? <3

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yeah, I thought it said ANY letter from your middle name... I guess I'm Cuna...

    ReplyDelete

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