It all started with the innocent-enough task of stripping and curbing our Christmas tree, "Vern." (As it turns out, it is much harder to get rid of a tree you name. Something to keep in mind.)
Jeff and I put away the ornaments, unwrapped the lights (which I then rolled into a ball and tossed into a paper bag. "They're going to get tangled," Jeff said. But I argued that they would get tangled anyway--things like strings of lights or headphone wires always manage to become irreversibly entwined in between when you put them out of sight and when you pick them up again, whether it's five minutes or five years. It's as if, as soon as you're gone, they engage in frantic, acrobatic groping, pretzeling themselves into positions that put the Kama Sutra to shame. But I digress.) Where was I? Oh, right, we unwrapped the lights, took the little devil hand puppet off the top (What? It's cute.), and hauled Vern to the curb. Which then necessitated putting away all of the gifts that had been under the tree--after all, once the tree is gone, they lose their dignity and just become clutter. Putting away the gifts made us realize that we need a new bookshelf, which made us try to clear shelves on our exisiting bookshelves, which made us attempt to put a box of leftover wedding invitations into out office closet, which made us open our office closet and see that it was full to bursting with all of the other unsightly, broken, and/or useless but coveted possessions we had formerly moved off of our bookshelves.
Which led to cleaning out the closet. See how I finally came full circle? Took me a few paragraphs, but I made it. Anyway, here are just a few of the things unearthed today during the excavation:
-A sheep's heart in formaldehyde, last used in early 2007 when Jeff decided to photograph our Christmas tree bedecked with animal parts as part of his "Meat Project" photo series (which I maintain will make him famous whenever he decides to exhibit it);
-2 mullet wigs;
-7 styrofoam heads (female);
-A deflated exercise ball, never used;
-A fake pregnant stomach;
and my senior thesis.
Funny that the last one scares me the most.