Friday, January 23, 2009

Of Mice and Poorly-Dressed Men

I returned home last night to find a dead mouse in my foyer. Unfortunately this is not the first time this has happened—come winter, our apartment (and specifically our rug), becomes the place where mice crawl out to die.

While I have to extend my gratitude to the mice for not dying behind the fridge and filling the house with what my mother refers to as "eau de mousey," I wonder what goes through their minds as they lurch towards the light. Where are they going? Are they dying in plain view to make a statement? Or does the poison (left out by an exterminator every few months) act so fast that they just drop wherever they are?

Regardless, I luckily had two bottles of wine on my person when I discovered the mouse, so I opened one and covered the carcass with a napkin until Jeff came home.

Now, onto fashion. I stumbled upon Vivienne Westwood's menswear the other day on New York magazine's website. And, well, just look:


This man person is wearing a skirt, a floral-print blazer, and is carrying not one, but two man-purses. With a turtleneck, fisherman's cap (perhaps hiding the large dent in his head), and burgundy kneesocks. The only place this person could possibly be striding towards so purposefully is into the bowels of the Port Authority to sit next to me on a bus.

This man's destination is less obvious. Perhaps he is a hipster hobo on his way to a crafts fair, wearing his homemade macrame poncho as self-promotion but erring on the side of caution with sneakers, should he need to run from frightening gangs of schoolgirl thugs. Or maybe he's just on his way home from a game of aboriginal football with Jennifer Connelly.

You'd have to be a giant douchebag to wear this trompe l'oeil tie shirt with a satin tuxedo jacket and pants made of sleeping bag, so in a way the kneepads don't surprise me: this dude just knows that he is asking for a beatdown. 

Again with the kneepads! But methinks this sexy farmhand is not so much cruisin' for a bruisin' as he is cruisin' ... for another farm boy.

If all of the characters on Blossom were consolidated into one outfit, this would be it:  The hat, a porkpie from dad Nick's sensitive musician wardrobe, adorned with twee flowers by You Know Who. The cardigan, Anthony's AA security blanket. The leggings, Six's date-night pants of choice. The rad sneakers, Woah Joey's go-to kicks. The bow and arrow? We'll never know.

But the real reason I saved this for last is the bare ass in the background! The farmer boy is wearing assless overalls. I guess that answers our question.

Have a great weekend!

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2 comments :

  1. Totally LOL'd at the Blossom part!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous8:58 AM

    please reference Blossom as much as possible

    ReplyDelete

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