What? I gave you three whole days with no politics. This is hard for me.
So today I decided to check how many supporters each candidate has on Facebook, just for kicks. Turns out Obama's got over three times as many as McCain, 1,899,459 to 537,999. Which is not too surprising, since Facebook is primarily young'uns and/or elders who know how to use the Internet, neither of which are groups Johnny Straight Talk seems to cater to. But the "About me" sections of their Facebook pages were illuminating. Take a look at this highly scientific side-by-side analysis (click to enlarge):
Lets look at their answers.
On the surface, it looks like McCain has—gasp!—more website links than Barack Obama. Could it be that he is actually an internet maverick? Um, no. McCain has not one but four links to his official website: the main page; the store (free yard sign with $15 purchase!); the campaign calendar, and the "download center," featuring lots of patriotic-looking desktop images. Because people who don't know how to use the internet don't understand how to browse websites. Moving on: his YouTube channel (featuring all of his ads), his MySpace page (101,085 friends), and something called Eventful.com, which lists his upcoming appearances, but is less helpful than his own campaign calendar. Still, though, point taken: John McCain is master of websites!
Obama has a mere three websites, two of which are Facebook links: one to the Students for Barack Obama group (which is linked to his campaign site) and Michelle Obama's Facebook page (awwww). Also Barack has a Myspace (544,674 friends). No direct link to his campaign website and no blatant event info, but his choices are subtle and suave. Shout out to the wife? Love it. (And for comparison's sake, yes, Cindy does have a Facebook page.)
Softball question. Both get it right.
McCain chooses not to label himself on this one (read: single and ready to mingle?); Obama once more acknowledges his wife.
Both born in August. Obama's a Leo ("The Lion;" element: Fire; secret desire: "To be a star."), McCain's a Virgo ("The Virgin (heh);" element: Earth; secret desire: "To love and be loved in return.") Super accurate star sign descriptions available at psychicguild.com.
Obama opts out of this one; McCain's a proud conservative.
McCain: North Phoenix Baptist Church (Not a view)
McCain: Sports, Hiking, Fishing, Boxing, Basketball, Football, Baseball, History. (At least four of these things can be classified under the first listing.)
Obama: Basketball, writing, loafing w/ kids. (Cute! And good call not adding 'Law, ethics, race relations, nerdery')
McCain: The sound of sweet, sweet lies. No, JK, he doesn't listen to music, apparently, what with the digital revolution. If only 45s were still the standard...
Obama: Miles Davis, John Coltrane, Stevie Wonder (all black!), Bob Dylan (anti-establishment!!! Also, stoner!), Johan Sebastian Bach (cello suites) (classical music = elitist, but at least he didn't pick anything with flutes), The Fugees (oh Christ, black and angry!)
McCain: Viva Zapata (Marlon Brando plays a Mexican!), Letters from Iwo Jima (really? Not Flags of Our Fathers?), Some Like it Hot (That movie does rock. Dammit!)
Obama: Casablanca (safe, even more boring than Citizen Kane), Godfather I & II (good, because judgment would be questioned if he listed Godfather III), Lawrence of Arabia, and One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. (No comedies=troubling).
McCain: For Whom the Bell Tolls (of course)
Obama: Song of Solomon (Toni Morrison), Moby Dick, Shakespeare's Tragedies [Ed note: this man needs some comedy, stat!], Parting the Waters, Gilead (Robinson), Self-Reliance (Emerson), The Bible, Lincoln's Collected Writings. [Final analysis: NEEEEERRRRRRDDDDDD. But deeply spiritual nerd.]
Favorite TV Shows
McCain: 24 (awesome), Seinfeld (mmmm .... kind of lame). Also, this answer makes me think of a quote from The Office when the character of Dwight needs to select an assistant: "I will need a new number two. My ideal choice? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable. Fictional. And overqualified."
Obama: Sportscenter (Yaawwwwwwwn. Barry, you can win me back with just two little words: 30 Rock.)
McCain: "..." (Can we take that as 'No comment?')
Obama: "The Arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice." (MLK) [Ed note: That's what she said.]
Now the Work Info is actually the very best part, because check it: John McCain's current employer is "Running for President." Obama, it seems, is still a lowly Senator. Also McCain lists every job he's ever had (experience!), while Obama chooses to simply list his current job (can we assume that he was slacking off with that "community organizing" for awhile?)
McCain: Naval Academy, War College, yes, WE GET IT.
Obama: Columbia '83 Political with a concentration in International Relations [Emphasis mine. Very subtle, B.], Harvard Law '91. If only education was not seen as elitism. Sigh.
McCain: Email, phone, and snail mail!
Obama: Phone only. Barry is king of texts.
FINAL SCIENTIFIC FINDINGS:
McCain: a war hero possibly looking for something on the side (MWM, 72, seeks SWF who enjoys boxing while not listening to music). Likes shows about A) torturing terrorists and B) nothing. Cannot use own website.
Obama: a smooth operator who enjoys the Bible, justice, and stoner anthems. When not shooting hoops or watching epic period dramas with his daughters, he dusts off his diplomas from elitist East Coast schools while watching Sportscenter. Probably SuperPokes his wife.