"Today, we make history my nominating the first African-American to ever head a major party ticket. The Republicans have nominated their 44th old white Protestant guy."
"McCain served his country honorably, and lived for four years in a POW camp. Which pretty much any POW survivor will tell you, makes you fucking insane. Did you even see Rescue Dawn?"
"John McCain called his wife a cunt in front of a lot of people, and also he thinks Czechoslovakia is still a country. Seriously, does no one find this troubling?"
(for Hillary Clinton only) "John McCain has been using my comments from the primary season in his attack ads on Barack Obama. I am Hillary Clinton and I DO NOT approve this message!"
(for Joe Biden only) "My name is Buh-buh-buh-buh-Biden and John McCain is full of buh-buh-buh-buh-bullshit!"
(for Sasha Obama only) "Mr. McCain, how old are you?"