So according to New York Magazine, among others, rompers are "in" this summer. Yes, rompers. Onesies. Jumpsuits with shorts. Who let this happen? Rompers are specifically designed for people too young to know how to keep their pants on. Has it really come to this?
I mean, I get the allure of a one-piece outfit. I call it a dress. It's easy, you don't have to coordinate anything, just throw it on with some flip flops and you're done. But there are a few key differences between a dress and a romper. To wit:
1. Only one of these items is not defined as "a loosely fitted, one-piece garment having short bloomers that is worn especially by small children for play."
2. A dress does not require you to get completely naked in order to urinate.
3. The romper looks good on no one. Really, no one. My mother always taught me that if it doesn't look good on the model, there's no hope for you (see below).
In Googling for this blog, first of all, I burned my eyes out. Diane von Furstenberg, I expected more from you:
So many kinds of no!
This one is like the sartorial equivalent of a mullet.
Business on top, party on the bottom! Is it a suit? And if so, what kind of meeting are you going to?
Ah, now here's a look I can get behind: the formal romper. Because rompers are nothing if not the height of evening chic.
OH MY GOD! THIS ISN'T EVEN REMOTELY FLATTERING! IT LOOKS LIKE A MATERNITY ROMPER WITH THAT ELASTIC WAIST! AND HER SHOES DON'T EVEN MATCH! AM ... HAVING ... SEIZURE.
I also found an About.com section titled "How Do I Wear Rompers?" Unfortunately, the answer was not "Shut the fuck up."