Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Public Service Announcement: Jumbo Push Pop Is NC-17

Yesterday afternoon, my co-worker yelled "Who wants a Push Pop?" and of course I was all over that because, free candy! I mean, really.

I remember Push Pops (not to be confused with the delicious sherbet Push-Up Pop) as being great because you slowly pushed them up from below with your finger as you wore them down from the top, unlike Ring Pops, which just left your knuckles a big, sticky mess.

So it was with great excitement that I snatched off the cap and put the pop in my mouth. At which point I was introduced to what is referred to on the label as "spring action". Basically what this means is that as soon as you push the top of the pop down with your tongue, it releases a spring that sends 5 inches of oblong candy flying back into your throat. The sensation, ladies (and some men), will be familiar. Action indeed.

The catch is, there's no catch for the spring. Once you release it, you are forced to gag on the thing until you lick it into submission. It is a candy that should not, under any circumstances, be consumed at work. And as for the packaging that says it's not to be used by "ages 3 and under"? Kids don't need to grow up that fast. Make it 18.

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