Jeff bought a new camera on Sunday. He is retardedly thrilled. I call his cameras his "mistresses," because he spends all day every weekend with them, not me, and while Jeff doesn't own an ounce of porn, I often catch him in the wee hours browsing camera sites, his eyes wide and glassy.
Since I am usually around, and (see below) a shameless ham most of the time, I am Jeff's most-used model-slash-guinea pig. He did not waste any time in testing out his new toy, and, in reviewing the photos, I came face to face with three distinct facets of my personality:
THE VAMP (only comes out if you feed her martinis)
THE SHAMELESS HAM (always lurking just beneath the surface; loves wigs)
and, closest to my heart, THE INSECURE ADOLESCENT (tweezers will never tame her!)
I think it's safe to say that the world dodged a major bullet when I refused acting jobs as a child, intent instead on becoming a bus driver. All of New York is lucky that did not happen. Publishing, in the end, took one for the team.